英语笑话大全

英语笑话大全

Family problems…

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven'teven met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems..

1.Count to one Hundred Before You Speak

In class,the teacher,with his back leaning against the stove,said to the students,"Before you speak,you should think and count to at least 50,and for important matters to 100."

No sooner had the teacher stopped talking than the students began to count.

at last all the students shouted together,"1...98,99,100.teacher,your clothes are on fire."

数到一百再说

课堂上，老师背靠火炉站着，对学生们说：“说话前要三思，起码数到50，重要的事情要数到一百。”

老师的话音刚落，学生立刻从“1”开始数起来。最后一起喊：“98，99，100！老师，您的衣服着火了。”

2.The Advantage of Alcohol

In order to prove the harmful effect of alcohol,the teacher put a bug into a glass filled with alcohol,soon the bug died. The teacher asked a student,"what does this show?"

The student answered,"It shows that people won't get parasites if they drink more alcohol."

酒的好处

为了证明酒精对生物的危害，老师把一只虫子放入装有酒精的杯子里，虫子很快就死了。老师问一个学生：“这说明了什么？”

学生答道：“说明人多喝酒，就不会长虫子。”

3.Exchange the Tortoise for the Wolf

Teacher:Some students are becoming arrogant.Do you remember the story about race between the hare and the tortoise?Now,Xiaoming,will you please tell us why the hare was defeated by the tortoise?

Xiaoming:Because the hare fell asleep.

Teacher:Absolutely right!What should we do so that the hare won't fall asleep?

Xiaoming:Exchange the tortoise for the wolf.

把乌龟换成狼

老师：有些同学开始骄傲了，大家还记得龟兔赛跑的故事吗。

小明，你说说看，兔子为什么输给乌龟？

小明：因为它睡觉了。

老师：对极了！我们应该怎么做才能让兔子不睡觉呢？

小明：把乌龟换成狼！

Computer help desks are used to fielding oddball requests but sometimes the questions leave even the best of them stumped.

Such as: "Why isn't my wireless mouse connected to the computer?"

Or: "Can you reset the Internet for me?"

Then there was the questioner who asked: "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"

Robert Half Technology, a provider of information technology professionals based in Menlo Park, California, asked 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. Among the more unusual were:

-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"

-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"

-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"

-- "Can you tell me the weather forecast for next year?" -- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"

Then there was the computer user who confused the CD-ROM drive with a drink holder and asked: "How do I get my