雅思5分 作文范文参考

●批改By Will

本次批改严格按照ILETS小作文评分标准进行。ILETS小作文评分项：TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。

●文中标识：

用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加

Test 1

There are two images about agriculture. The pie chart describes why agricultural land becomes(时态，改为became) less productive. The table illustrates how to affect (语法问题，时态与语义不完整，改为it affected) three regions of the world during 1990s.

The first image shows some causes of worldwide of land degradation. It was divided into four parts which were deforestation, over-cultivation, over-grazing, other. At first, the percentage of over-grazing was 35% in total which was the most (用词不当，改为‘greatest’) one. Furthermore, deforestation was 30% more than the percentage of over-cultivation by 28% in total. Then, other owned only 7%. It’s clearly that over-grazing played an important role in worldwide land degradation.

The second image illustrates some causes of land degradation by region. There were 3 countries including North America, Europe and Oceania. In 1990s, the land degradation of Europe was the most one in total by (引出数据使用‘with’或‘at’更好)23%. It’s clearly (be动词后使用形容词作标语，改为‘clear’) that deforestation occurred 9.8% in Europe which was the highest one in these areas. Then, the percentage of over-grazing was 11.3% in Oceania was the highest figure in total. (出现两个谓语，可改为was the highest in Oceania, representing 11.3%) To sum up, these images describe worldwide land degradation. It’s significantly that over-grazing and deforestation represent (改为过去时represented) the production of worldwide. Furthermore, the area in Oceania was suitable for over-glazing’s growth.

总评5.5 (TA5.5 CC5.5 GRA5.0 LR5.5)

1.偶尔出现语法错误，主要集中在时态以及词性上。

2.总体结构相对较为完整，链接良好。

3.内容上表达基本准确，但可以增多数据之间的比较（差或倍数）。

4.用词相对较为准确。

5.句式变化上略显格式化。不过由于较为适合本篇文章所以相对合适。要当心以后套用在别的文章上的时候。