6分雅思大作文范文

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作文题目Moreandmorepeoplearemigratingtocitiesinsearchofabetterlife,butcitylifecanbeextremelydifficult.Explainsomeofdiffi cultiesoflivinginacity.Howcangovernmentsmakeurbanlifebetterforeveryone?

学生原文

Nowadays,peoplearemorelikelytomovetocitiesduetothefactthattheybelievethatcitylifeismuchbetterthanrural’sintermsofdaily-lifefacilities.Forexample,convenienttransportsandadvancedhealthservices.Howevernumerousproblemsc ausedbyinadaptingtocitylifeareevidentamongpeopleinparticularlesswelleducatedones. Itistruethatdevelopedcitiesgivepeopleagreatchancetoenjoyabetterlifeinmaterialwaysandthiscannotbereachedinbackwar dcountrysidessuchasshoppingatdepartmentsandentertaininginthemeparks.Itseemsreasonablethatpeopleareinfavorofmigra tingtometropolises.However,Ithinktheyhaveignoredsomepotentialsideeffectsofthisact.Oneissueisthatpeoplemighthaved ifficultyinadaptingtourbanlife.Inotherwords,peoplewhoareusedtoliveintranquilandrelaxingplacesmightbereluctanttoa djusttheirlifestylesinnoisyandcongestedurbanareas.Eldersandchildren,forinstance,areprefertoliveinspacioussuburba reas.Fromanotherperspective,citylifeisteemingwithawidevarietyofpollutionsuchassmog,acidrainandnoisepollution.The refore,citizensaremorelikelytosufferfromrespiratorydiseases.Moreover,itisquitecommonthesedaysthatcitizensareeasi lytogetstressandanxietythroughfrequenttrafficcongestionandthatisapparentlynotrecommendableforahealthylifestyle.A saresult,thelivingsituationincitiescouldberelativeharshtosomeextent. Thepossiblesolutionsarealwaysunderdiscussionatbothpersonalandgovernmentlevel.Somepeoplesuggestedthatgovernmentou ghttochecktheamountofpolluteddischargedandforcecompaniestoprocesstheeffluentinordertoreducethepollution.Anothere ffectivemeasureisthatgovernmentsshouldofferfinancialassistancetoeconomicallydisadvatangedonesandprovidevariousty pesofcommunityactivities.Thatcanhelpcitizenstorelievenegativemoodsandencouragingthemtoslowdowntheirlifepace.What ismore,families'concernsshouldbeproposedinparticularforelderlyandyouthwhoarehavedifficultyinfitmodernlife. Despitesomedisadvantagesofcitylifeincludingpollution,congestionandrapidlifepace,itscontributiontoenrichourlifest ylediversitycannotbedeniedanditisimportanttotakefulladvantageofitbyintroducingstrictregulationstorestrictthepoll utantsemission.

●文中标识：

用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加

Nowadays,peoplearemorelikelytomovetocitiesdue(意思不恰当，多为贬义，改为

owing)tothefactthattheybelievethatcitylifeismuchbetterthanrural’s（词性不对，这是形容词，改为theoneinruralareas）intermsofdaily-lifefacilities.Forexample,convenienttransportsandadvancedhealthservices.（这不是一个句子，知识短语，应该跟前面一句合并，改为…facilitiesincludingconvenienttransportationandadvancedhealthcaresystem）Howevernumerousproblemscausedbyinadapting theattempttoadapt tocitylifeareevidentamongpeopleinparticularlesswelledu catedones. Itistruethatdevelopedcitiesgivepeopleagreatchancetoenjoyabetterlifeinmaterialwaysandthiscannotbereachedinbackwar dcountrysides countryside suchasshoppingatdepartmentsand or entertaininginthemeparks.Itseemsreasonablethatpeoplearei nfavorofmigratingtometropolises.However,Ithinktheyhaveignoredsomepotentialsideeffectsofthisact.Oneissueisthatpeo plemighthavedifficultyinadaptingtourbanlife.Inotherwords,peoplewhoareusedtoliveintranquilandrelaxingplacesmightb ereluctanttoadjusttheirlifestylesinnoisyandcongestedurbanareas.Eldersandchildren,forinstance,are(没有be动词加动词原

形)prefertoliveinspacioussuburbareas.Fromanotherperspective,citylifeisteemingwithawidevarietyofpollutionsuchassm og,acidrainandnoisepollution.Therefore,citizensaremorelikelytosufferfromrespiratorydiseases.Moreover,itisquiteco mmonthesedaysthatcitizensareeasilytogetstressandanxiety（副词不能修饰介词短语，改为stressed）through（改为dueto）