英语幽默集锦

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英语笑话简短爆笑

英语笑话简短爆笑
1. Why is the doctor so angry? （为什么医生那么生气？）Because he has no patience.（因为他没有耐心呀。

）
笑点：耐心=patience，病人（复数形式）=patients，两个词读音相似，一语双关。

2. What is the longest word in the English language?（英语里最长的单词是？）Smiles. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.（Smiles，因为它的首尾字母之间隔了一英里那么长。

）笑点：翻译时需要保留smiles，因为中文不分单复数，这里规避了字面意义上的最长，而是利用了单词mile 的含义。

3. What do you call a deer with no eyes?（没有眼睛的鹿叫什么？）No idea.（不知道。

）
笑点：deer 和idea 读音相似，这里是谐音梗。

4. Why don't scientists trust atoms?（为什么科学家不相信原子？）Because they make up everything.（因为它们构成了一切。

）笑点：make up 有化妆、编造、组成等意思，这里取了组成的意思。

5. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?（当
雪人跟吸血鬼杂交，会得到什么？）Frostbite.（冻疮。

）笑点：frostbite 有冻伤、冻疮的意思，同时它跟frost（霜）和bite （咬）两个词有关，这里是双关梗。

英语幽默集锦

英语幽默集锦1、Never Let it Go Out概不外借Mark Twain once went to borrow a certain book from a neighbour in Tarry town. "May I borrow a book from you?" he asked politely. "Yes,you're more than welcome to it," the neighbour told him. "But I must ask you to read it here. You know I make a rule never to let any book go out of my library."Some days later the neighbour wished to borrow Twain's machine for cutting grass in the garden. "Why,certainly," Twain told him,"You're more than welcome to it. But I must ask you to use it here. You know that I make it a rule never to let it go out of my garden."2、我忘了那人是谁A society youth writes ironically to the young lady in the case：“Dear Miss Smith，perhaps you remember I proposed to you last night，and I do not now recall whether you said yes，or no.”“Dear George，I remember I said‘no’ to someone last nigh t，but I had forgotten who it was.”我忘了那人是谁一个社交界的青年给一位年轻女士挖苦地写道：“亲爱的史密斯小姐，您也许记得我昨晚向您求婚，但我现在记不起您到底是答应了还是没答应。

幽默英语小故事

幽默英语小故事Once upon a time, there was a man who loved to tell jokes. He was known far and wide for his ability to make people laugh, and he took great pride in his talent. One day, he decided to try his hand at telling jokes in English, even though it was not his native language. He thought it would be a fun challenge, and he was eager to see if he could make people from different cultures laugh.The man started by learning some basic English jokes and practicing them in front of the mirror. He paid close attention to his pronunciation and intonation, making sure that he sounded as natural as possible. After weeks of preparation, he felt confident enough to try out his jokes on a group of English-speaking friends.The man's friends were initially skeptical when he told them that he had jokes to share in English. They knew that English was not his first language, and they were unsure if his jokes would translate well. However, as soon as the man began telling his jokes, their skepticism turned to delight. His delivery was so enthusiastic and his timing so perfect that they found themselves laughing harder than they had in a long time.Encouraged by his friends' positive reactions, the man decided to take his jokes to a wider audience. He started performing at open mic nights and comedy clubs, and before long, he had developed a following of fans who eagerly awaited his next performance. His jokes were a hit not only with English speakers, but also with people from all over the world who appreciated his universal sense of humor.One day, the man was invited to perform at a comedy festival in a foreign country. He was thrilled at the opportunity to share his jokes with an entirely new audience, but he was also nervous about how they would be received. As he took the stage, he could feel the eyes of the crowd on him, and he wondered if his jokes would translate well across cultural boundaries.To his relief and joy, the audience responded to his jokes with uproarious laughter. They appreciated the clever wordplay and the universal themes of his humor, and theymade him feel right at home in their country. The man realized that humor truly knows no borders, and that laughter is a language that everyone can understand.From that day on, the man continued to tell his jokes in English, and he became known as a master of cross-cultural comedy. He proved that no matter where you come from, a good joke will always bring people together and bring joy to their hearts.In the end, the man learned that language is no barrier to humor, and that a good joke will always transcend cultural differences. He continued to spread laughter wherever he went, and he became a beloved figure in the world of comedy. And as he looked back on his journey, he knew that he had found his true calling in making people laugh, no matter what language they spoke.。

英语幽默笑话集锦

英语幽默笑话集锦◆Teacher: “Tommie, what do you know about the Dead Sea?” Tommie: “I didn’t even know it was ill.”◆Teacher: “Here is a world map. Who can show us America?”(Tom goes to the map and finds America on it. )Teacher: “Now, tell me, boys, who found America?” Pupils: “Tom.”◆A boy was wondering about a photograph in a newspaper. It showed a group of happy and cheerful children carrying schoolbags with the caption at the bottom: “On Their Way to School”. “I think it’s mistaken. They must be on their way home after class, I’m sure!” the boy concluded.◆Geography teacher: “What is the consequence of the breaking up of the former Soviet Union?”Student:“It means that we have more names of new countries to remember.”◆Math teacher: “Now remember, class, statistics don’t lie, For example, if twelve men could build a house in one day, one man could build the same house in 12 days. Do you understand what I mean? Jack, give me an e xample.” Jack: “You mean that if one boat could cross the ocean in six days, six boats could cross the same ocean in one day.” Biology teacher: “Johnnie, can you give a familiar example of the human body that adapts itself to changed conditions?” Johnnie:“Yes, ma’am. My aunt gained 50 poundsin a year, and her skin never cracked.”◆Teacher: “Can you give me a good example of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” Student: “Well, the days are much longer in the semmer than in winter.”◆Mary has been going to primary school for a week. At the end of the first week her fathe r asked her: “Which period do you like best at school, dear?” May thought for a while and answered: “I like the break period best.”◆During the final examination, some pupils were so eager to answer the questions that they forgot to fill in the blanks for the class, name, date, etc. on the front page of the examination paper. The teacher considered it necessary to remind them of filling all the blanks. She declared: “Now, attention please! Fill in all the blanks before you do the questions.” “Shall I fill the blank for the marks?” one pupil asked.◆A teacher was asking a pupil in her class.” Tommie, how many persons are there in the classroom?” “Forty-one, including you, ma’am, ”Tommie answered.” Then, how many are left when I go out?” the teacher asked again.” None, madam.”◆“What do you think of the relationship between ‘deceit’, ‘failure’ and’ success’?” the 1st pupil asked the 2nd pupil. “I think deceit will lead to failure,” the second answered. “Yes, ”the first pupil went on,” but failure is the mother of success.” “So no deceit, no success, ”concluded the 1st pupil.◆Teacher: “Why are you often late for school?” Student: “Because the sign said: School Zone, Go Slow!”◆Phys. teacher: “Which travels faster, heat or cold?” Student: “Heat. You can catch cold.”◆Math. teacher: “Now we find that X is equal to zero. “Student: “Gee!All that work for nothing!”◆Chem. teacher: “Can you tell me anything about the great chemists of the 19th century?”Student: “They are all dead, sir.”◆Music teacher: “Who is the famous tenor in our city? And who is the famous bass?”Student: “When my father denou- nces me, he is a famous tenor. When he speaks to my mother, he is a bass.”◆“Who was the first President of the United States?” a history teacher asked one of her student. The student thought for a long time, but didn’t say any-thing. Then the teacher got angry and shouted, ”George Washington!” “Come back!” the teacher said, ”I didn’t tell you to go.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” the student said, ”I thought you called the next student.”◆Medical prof: “What would you do in the case of a person eating poisoous mushro oms ?”Student: “Recommend a change of diet.”◆Literature prof. : “Tell me one or two things about John Milton.” Student: “Well he got married and he wrote ‘Paradise Lost’. Then his wife died and he wrote ‘Paradise Regained’.◆English prof. : “What is the difference be- tween an ac- tive verb and a passive verb ?Stud. : “An active verb shows ac- tion and a pa- ssive verb shows passion. “◆Grammar teacher: “A noun is the name of a per- son or a thing. Now, who can give me a noun ?”First pupil: “A cow.” Teacher: “Very good. Another noun?”Second pupil: “Another cow.”◆Prof. : “Before we begin the examination are there any questions?”Stud. : “What’s the name of this course?”◆First student: “Did the music teacher act- ually say your voice was hea- venly?”Second student: “Well, she did say it was u- nearthly.”◆First student: “Which is the longest word in the English Language?”Second student:“I don’t know. Would you like to tell me what it is?”First student: It’s “smiles”. Second student: “That isn’t very long. Only six letters.” First student: “But there is a mile between the first and the last letters.◆Teacher: “Can you tell me what a fish-net is made of?”Pupil: “A lot of little holes tied together.”◆Once two pu-pils were tal-king about thesun and the moon. “Which of themis more useful?”asked one of them. The other an-swered, ”Oh, I know. The moon is. Themoon is in the sky at nightwhen it is dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody wants it.”◆Voice on tele-phone: “John is ill and can’t attend classes today. He re- quested me to notify you.” Prof. : “All right. Who is this speaking?”Voice: “This is my roommate.”◆Prof. : “What are you reading. Tom?”Stud. : “I don’t know.” Prof. : “You don’t k now?You were reading aloud, so you must know.” Stud. : “I was reading aloud, sir, butI was not listening. “◆At a college examination a professor said: “Does the ques-tion embarrass you?” “Not at all, sir, ”replied thestudent, ”not atall. It is the answer that bo-thers me.”◆Friend: “What is your son going to be when he’s passed his final exam ?”Father: “An old man.”◆Reporter: “What is the profe- ssor’s research work?”Prof. ‘s house-keeper: “It consists principally in hunting for his spectacles.”◆“Professor, whydo you use threepairs of eyegla-sses?” “Yes, one pairfor long sight, one pair for short sight, and the third to look for the other two.”◆Teacher: “Billy, what’s a syno- nym?”Student: “It’s word you used in place of another one when you ca n not spell the other one.”◆Father: “Well, son , what’s your place on the school-list this month?”Son: “I’m twenty -sixth.” Father: “How many pupils are there in your class?”Son: “Twenty-six. “(A month later)Father: “Well, son , what’s your place on the list now?”Son: “Twenty- seven. Father: “How can that be?If I remember co- rrectly, there are only twenty-six in your class.” Son: “Oh, no, we have a new boy now.”◆During a Christmas exam, one of the ques-tions was: “What causes a depre-ssion?”One of the students wrote: “God knows!I do not know. Merry Christmas!”The exam paper came back with the prof. ‘s no-tation: “God gets100, you get zero. Happy New Year!“◆The more we study, the more we know. The morewe know, the morewe forget. The more we forget, the less we know. The less we know, the less weforget. The less we forget, the more we know. So why study?◆The professorrapped on his rostrum and shouted: “Gentle-men, order!” The entire class yelled: “Beer!”◆“If the Deandoesn’t take back what he siad to me thismoring, I’m goingto leave college.” “What did he say?” “He told me toleave college.”◆The bright student looked long and thoughtfully at the second ex-amination question, which read: “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of th e United States in any given year.” Then his brow cleared and he wrote: “1492-none.”◆Prof. : “Wake up that student next to you.” Stud. : “You do it yourself, professor, you put him to sleep.”◆Prof. : “You can’t sleep in my class.” Stud. : “If you don’t talk so loud I could.”◆“Our economicsteacher talks tohimself. Does yours?” “Yes, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks weare listening.”◆“I shall now illustrate what I have in mind, ”said the teacher as he erased the blackboard.◆First stud. : “The dean says he is going to stop smoking in the college.”Second stud. : “Huh!Next thing he’ll be asking us to stop smoking, too.”◆Teacher: “A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.”Stud. : “No wonder so many of us flunk in our exams!”◆A college freshman was being severely criticized by his professor, “Your last paper was very diffi-cult to read, ”said the profe-ssor, ”Your work should be so written that even the most ignorant will be able to under-stand it.” “Yes, sir, ”saidthe student, “what part didn’t you get?”◆The professor was delivering the final lec-ture of the term. He dwelt with much emphasis onthe fact each sutdent should devote all the intervening time preparing for the final exami-nations.” “The examina-tion papers arenow in the handsof the printer. Are there any questions to be asked?” Silence prevai-led. Suddenly a voice from the rear inquired: “Who is the prin-ter?”◆Prof. : “Never mind the date. The examina- tion is more important.” Stud. : “We ll, sir, I wanted to have something right on my paper.”◆Mary had beento school for the first time. “Well, darling, what did you learn?”asked hermother, when Marycame back home. “Nothing, ”sighed Mary hopelessly, ”I have got to go back again tomo-rrow.”◆One morning Professor Blankwas going to meet his studen-ts in the after-noon, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: “Profe-ssor Blank will meet the class this afternoon.” Some student, seeing his chance to dis-play his sense of humour after reading the notice, walked up and erased the “C”in the word “class”. The pro-fessor noticing the laughter wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the “C”erased-calmly walked up and erased the“l”in “lass”, looked at the flabbergastedstudent and pro-ceeded on hisway.◆Teacher: “Henry, what are the three works which some of you use most often in class ?”Henry: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Correct.”◆Teacher.” Mary, why don’t wash your face? I can see wha t you had for breakfast this morning.” Mary: “What was it?”Teacher: “Eggs.” Mary: “Wrong, tea- cher. That was yesterday.”◆Teacher: “What is an abstract noun, Jane?”Jane: “I don’t know, madam.”Teacher: “What, you don’t know ?Well, it’s the name o f a thing which you canthink of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example. “Jane: “A red-hot poker.”◆First stud. : “How are a teacher and a railroad conductor alike?”Second stud. : “I don’t know. Can you tell me?”First stud. : “One minds the trains and the other trains the minds.”◆“Aren’t you ashamed of your-self, Henry?”saidthe headmatser, ”You are the worst pupil in your class.” Henry replied, “What’s that gotto do with me?Isit my fault thatthe w orst one was transferredto another school yesterday?”◆Little Smith came home fromwith a new bookunder his arm. “It’s a prize, mother,”he ex-plained. “A prize?What for, dear?” “For zoology. Teacher asked mehow many leg s anostrich has and I said three.” “But an ostrichhas only two legs.” “I know it now. Bu t all the pu-pils said four, so I was closest.”◆An absent-min-ded professor was lecturing on anatomy. “To show you more clearly what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to ex-amine it very carefully.” The professorunwrapped the parcel and saw that it contain-ed two sandwich-es and a boiled egg. Astonished, theprofessor said: “I was sure I hadeaten my lunch, but w here is thefrog?”◆First stud. : “What did you do with the cuffs I left on the table last night?”Second stud. : “They were so soiled I sent them to the laundry.” First stud. : “My gods, the ent ire history of England was on them.”◆A son at colle-ge wrote his father: “No mon, no fun, your son. “The father an-swe red: “How sad, too bad, your dad.”◆“Say, dad, reme-ber that storyyou told me about when youwere expelled from colle ge?” “Yes.” “Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that historyrepeats itself.”◆“Where have you been for the last four years?”“At college taking medicine. ““And did you finally get well?”◆The much pre-occupied profe-ssor walk intothe barber’s shop and sat in a chair ne xt to a woman who washaving her hairbobbed. “Haircut, please, ”ordered the professor. “Certainly, ”said the barber. “But if you really want a haircut would you mind taking off your hat first?” The professorhurriedly re-moved his hat. “I’m sorry, ”heapologized as hel ooked around.” Ididn’t know there was a lady present.”◆Teacher: “Didn’t Henry help you to this sum?”Pupil: “No.” Teacher: “Are you sure he didn’t help you?”Pupil: “No, he did not help me, he did it all.”◆Teacher: “What do you call the last teeth we get?”Pupil: “False teeth.”◆Geog. teacher: “What have the expeditions to the North Pole accomplished?”Pupil: “Nothing execpt to make the geography lessons harder.”◆Te acher: “What animal is sa- tisfied with the least nou- rishment?”Robert: “The mo th , teacher. It eats nothing but holes.”◆“What he shapeof the earth?”asked the tea-cher of Jane. “It’s round, ”Jane said. “H ow do you know it is round, Jane?” “Oh, it’s square. I don’t want tostart an argu-ment a bout it.”◆A school tea-cher who had been telling a class of smallpupil the story of the disco veryof America by Columbus endedwith: “And all this happened more than 500 years ag o.” A little boy, his eyes wide open with wonder, said after a moment’s thought: “Gee!W hat a good memory youhave got.”◆Teacher: “What are the pro- ducs of Cuba?”Boy: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Come, come!Where do you get sugar from?”Boy: “We borrow it from the next-door neighbour.”◆Teacher: “The earth has an attractive power;that power is known as gravity. It is, i n fact, the law of gravity which prevents us from being thrown off the earth as it revolv es.” Pupil: “Please, teacher, how did we keep on the earth be- fore the law was passed?”◆Te acher: “In the old days men were often put in prison with- out any proper reaso n;but today we never think of puni- shing people for things they have not done.” Bad bo y: (sulki- ly): “Then why was I criti- cized yester- day because I didn’t do my homewor k?”◆Teacher: “Tommy, where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”Tommy: “At the bottom , I guess.”◆First pupil: “What word be- comes shorter if you add two letters to it?”Second pu pil: “Oh , I know. It’s” short”.◆Professor Blank: “Hasn’t Jimmy ever married?”Student: “No, and I don’t think he i ntends to, because he’s studying for a bachelor’s de- gree.”◆“A telegram from George, dear.” “Well, did he pass the exami-nation this time?” “No, but he is almost at the top of the list of those who failed.”◆Miss Betty taught physics in a New York school. One day she said to herclass, ”Now, I have a brother in Los An-geles. If I was calling him on the phone, and at the sa metime you were 75feet away, liste-ning to me, whichof you would hear what I saidearlie r, my bro-ther or you-andfor what reason?”“One of the bright studentsat once answered, ”Your brother, Miss Betty, be-cause electri-city travels faster than sound waves.” But then, a girl said, ”I disagree, Miss Betty. Your brother would hear you earlier because when it’s eleven o’clock here, it’s eight o’clock in LosAngeles.”◆Teacher: “What was George Wa- shington noted for?”Johnny: “His me- mory.”Teac her: “What makes you think his me- mory was so great?”Johnny: “They erected a mo- nu ment to it.”◆Stud. : “I’m in- debted to you for all I know.”Prof. : “Oh, don’t mention such a mere trifle.”◆During a na-tural historylesson at school, Mary was asked to give the nameof an a nimal peculiar to South Afri-ca. “A polar bear!”replied Mary in-stantly. The teacher frown ed repro-vingly.” Come, come!Mary, ”she said, ”Polar bears are not to be found in South Africa.” “I know, ”Maryanswered, ”that’swhy it would bepeculiar.”◆First student: “There is a guy in our school who’s a real know-it-all. So I told hi m no- body l iked that attitude. “Second student: “And what did he say?”First student: “He said he al- ready knew that.”◆At college Percy fell intoa cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. He did not realize howlong he had neg-lected writing his family untilhe received thefollowing not e: “Dear son, Your mother and I en-joyed your lastletter. Of course, we were much youn ger then, andmore impressio-nable. Love Dad.”◆Mary began to go to school atthe age of six years old. She spent her firstday hap pily. Butat the end of the second day, when the other children left the classroom, she sta yed be-hind and waited. “Why didn’t you go with the others, Mary?”herteacher asked kin dly.”Did you want to ask me aquestion?” “Yes.” “What is it?”the teacher asked. “What did I do in school today?”The teacher laughed. “What did you ask me that, Mary?” “Beause I’m going to go homenow, ”Mary an-swered, ”and my mother is going to ask me.”◆One day one ofthe girls in Rose’s class said to her, ”Miss Rose, why does a man’s hair become grey before his mus-tache and beard do?” Rose laughed and replied, ”I do n’t know. Who can answer the question?” Then one ofthe boys said, ”I know, Miss Rose! Men’s hair be-comes grey first because it’s sixteen years older than their mustaches and b eards.”◆As a freshman, George had to take a course inwestern civili-zation from a certain profe-ssor--his father. “What is it like to have your dad for class?”he was constantly aske d. “Not as stran-ge as you might think, ”he re-plied.” My father has been lec-turing me a ll my life. I just never had to take notes be-fore.”◆Teacher: “What happens when there is an eclipse of the sun?”Pupil: “Many peo- ple go out into the streets to look at it.”。

英语幽默集锦

1. Fine for ParkingTell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong.2. Self-helpI went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like)3. I Couldn't Digest So Many ApplesDoctor gravely(严肃地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest(消化）so many apples."4. Is This a QuestionA college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam.5. A Dollar Per PointA professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.6. My Father's AshesA guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it. She walks back in. He says: "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray(烟灰缸)." (note: "ashes" has two meanings 1) a container for holding the burned cigarette. 2) a box for holding the burned dead body.)7. I Drop my Weight From SkippingMr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds." When Mr. Smith returned, he had lo st nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping! (note: "skip" has two meanings 1) jump 2) stop doing something)8. Now We RunA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"9. Pig or WitchA man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.10. Man and WomanSmart(精明的) man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb(愚蠢的) woman = pregnancy(怀孕)Dumb man + smart woman = affairDumb man + dumb woman = marriageSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtimeA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.Married men lived longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die.A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.11. You and Your BossWhen you take a long time, you're slow.When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.When you don't do it, you're lazy.When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.When you make a mistake, you're an idiot(蠢货).When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority（超越权限）. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative(创造性).When you take a stand（表态）, you're being bull-headed（固执）.When your boss does it, he's being firm.When you overlooked(忽略) a rule of etiquette(礼貌), you're being rude.When your boss skips(略过) a few rules, he's being original(独创的).When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping(拍马屁).When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative(合作).When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum(耍酒疯者). When your boss does the same, he appreciated(欣赏) women.When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.12. Love, Lust and MarriageLOVE - When intercourse(性交) is called "making love."LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?LOVE - When you share everything you own.LUST - When you steal everything they own.MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax(高潮).LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.MARRIAGE - What's a climax?LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.LUST - When all you write is your phone number.MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.LUST - When you couldn't give a shit.MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.LOVE - When nobody else matters.LUST - When nobody else knows.MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.LUST - When you're only interested in doing things to your partner.MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.13. Before and After You fall in loveBEFORE - You take my breath awayAFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating(窒息)BEFORE - Twice a nightAFTER - Twice a monthBEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situationAFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative(操纵的) egomaniac(极端自我)BEFORE - Don't stopAFTER - Don't startBEFORE - Is that all you're having?AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honeyBEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dreamAFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm(宿舍)BEFORE - We agree on everythingAFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?BEFORE - I love a woman with curves(皱摺)AFTER - I never said you were fatBEFORE - Time stood stillAFTER - This relationship is going nowhereBEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each otherAFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.14.You and Your Computer( 你和你的电脑）It is time to reassess your relationship with yourcomputer when....（到了重新评价你和你的电脑的关系时候了当......)1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.(你早晨四点醒来去厕所，回卧室时去检查邮件。

英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦

英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦对外汉语教学中,为了寓教于乐,有的教师会就某些语言或文化现象引述笑话或故事。

下面小编整理了英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦，希望大家喜欢!英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦摘抄小学生的搞怪逻辑推理A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。

于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。

谁能告诉我这是为什么?”A girl raised her hand and asked, "todrawout all of his savings?"一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款?”英汉对照的英语幽默笑话集锦鉴赏一个小女孩的愿望A Girl's WishOn the way home after watching a balletperformance, the kindergarten teacher askedher students what they thought of it. Thesmallest girl in the class said she wished thedancers were taller so that they would not haveto stand on their toes all the time.小女孩的愿望在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。

英语幽默笑话集锦

英语幽默笑话集锦笑话1：鸡蛋的问题小明问小华：“你怎么知道一个鸡蛋是生的还是熟的？”小华：“很简单，我把鸡蛋放进水里，如果浮起来就是生的，如果沉下去就是熟的。

”小明：“那如果鸡蛋半浮半沉呢？”小华：“那就是半生不熟。

”笑话2：打电话小明用英语给外国朋友打电话：“Hello! Is it Mr. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友说：“I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”小明再打一次：“Hello! Is it Mrs. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友愤怒地说：“No, I told you already, you have the wrong number!”小明再打一次：“Hello! Is it Mr. Brown’s residence?”外国朋友非常生气：“I can’t believe you called me again! This is not Mr. Brown’s residence!”小明笑着说：“I know, but I just love hearing you say it!”笑话3：父亲的损失小明的父亲对他说：“小明，你知道我为什么戴假发吗？”小明好奇地问：“为什么呢？”父亲严肃地回答：“因为我是个有发言权的人。

”笑话4：天堂和地狱有一天，人们来到上帝面前询问天堂和地狱的存在。

他们问上帝：“天堂和地狱是什么样子的？”上帝微笑着回答：“我带你们去看一看。

”首先，上帝打开了通向地狱的门。

门一打开，他们看到里面是一个宴会厅，摆满了美食和饮料，但每个人手中都拿着又长又粗的筷子，无法把食物送入嘴中。

接着，上帝带着他们去了天堂。

天堂的门打开后，他们看到了和地狱一样的情景，宴会厅里也是美食和饮料满满，每个人同样手中拿着又长又粗的筷子。

但人们却高兴地吃得很满足，因为在天堂里，他们都学会了相互喂食。

笑话5：自动售货机小明走到一个自动售货机前，看见上面写着：“请用英语选择您要购买的商品。

表达有关恶搞的英语口语

表达有关恶搞的英语口语英语的学习是需要一个过程的，同学们千万不要着急，下面就由小编今天给大家带来的是英语的口语，欢迎大家阅读情景对话一. 搞笑相关词汇词组：恶作剧prank,自黑self-deprecation,恶搞文化juggled culture,parody culture,草根文化root of grass culture犀利姐sister sharp,犀利哥brother sharp,桥段joke，奇葩weirdo,oddball,geek,freak，狗血(有人认为狗血即是够shit,所以暂翻为bullshit)二. 恶搞的英文表达法：parody,amusing imitation,send-up, mischievous distortion例句：I always put my Lady Gaga parody on Youku.三.视频恶搞Video spoofs,恶搞短片kuso movies.例句：Video spoofs have become so popular that netizens have even coined a slang term, "egao," to describe the act of using real film clips to create mocking send-ups.四.网络恶作剧online hoax,也可以用web hoax来表示。

Hoax一词在这里是“恶作剧，骗局”的意思。

例句：There was not a bomb in the hotel at all—it was just a hoax.(宾馆里根本没有炸弹，那只不过是一场骗局。

)幽默的分类：按国家：British humur,American humur按幽默风格：冷幽默dry humor; 荤段子off-color jokes; 单口相声monologue comic talk(单口相声演员是standup comedian) 恶搞地道口语栗子集锦：1. The word "duang" results from a spoof on Jackie Chan's shampoo ads.Duang一词的出现是由于对成龙洗发水广告进行恶搞后产生的。

很短的英语口语集锦

很短，但是会给你打很高分的英语口语集锦I'm dying to see you. 我很想见你。

I swear by the god. 我对天发誓。

Nothing tricky. 别耍花招。

You might at least apologize. 你顶多道个歉就得了。

Price is soaring, if it goes on like this, we shall not be able to keep the pot boiling.物价直线上升，这样子下去，我们锅里可没什么东西煮饭。

None of you keyhole. 不准偷看。

You don't seem to be quite yourself today. 你今天看起来不大对劲。

Do you have any money on you？你身上带钱了吗？What is your major？你学什么专业？My girlfriend and I broke up. 我和我的女朋友吹了。

It was something that happens once in the blue moon. 这是千载难逢的事。

I'll kick you out. 我将炒你鱿鱼。

I have to be late and keep my date waiting. 我不喜欢迟到而让别人久等。

There is nobody by that name working here. 这里没有这个人。

He neither drinks nor smokes. 他既不喝酒也不抽烟。

He pushes his luck. 他太贪心了。

Nuts! 呸；胡说；混蛋！I can't make both ends meet. 我上个月接不到下个月，缺钱。

It is of high quality. 它质量上乘。

Dead end. 死胡同。

Would you mind making less noise. 能不能小声点God works. 上帝的安排。

英语幽默笑话集锦绝对好笑

一．Mental deficiency 智力缺陷"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."“医生，你能不能告诉我，”鲍勃问，“对于一个看上去很正常的人，你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再没有比这容易的了，”医生回答，“问他一个简单的问题，简单到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。

英语幽默笑话集锦

英语幽默笑话集锦英语幽默笑话集锦◆Teacher: “Tommie, what do you know about the Dead Sea?” Tommie: “I didn’t even know it was ill.”◆Teacher: “Here is a world map. Who can show us America?”(Tom goes to the map and finds America on it. )Teacher: “No w, tell me, boys, who found America?” Pupils: “Tom.”◆A boy was wondering about a photog raph in a newspaper. It showed a group of happy and cheerful children carrying school bags with the caption at the bottom: “On T heirWay to School”. “I think it’s mistaken. They must be on their way home after class, I’msure!” the boy concluded.◆Geography teacher: “What is the cons equence of the breaking up of the former Soviet Union?”Student:“It means that we have more names of new countries to remember.”◆Math teacher: “Now remember, class, statistics don’t lie, For example, if twelve men could build a house in one day, one m an could build the same house in 12 days. Do you understand what I mean? Jack, give me an example.” Jack: “You mean that if one boat could cross the ocean in six days, six boats could cross the same ocean in one day.” Biology teacher: “Johnnie, can you gi ve a familiar example of the human body th atadapts itself to changed conditions?” Johnn ie: “Yes, ma’am. My aunt gained 50 pounds in a year, and her skin never cracked.”◆Teacher: “Can you give me a good ex ample of how heat expands things and cold contracts them?” Student: “Well, the days are much longer in the semmer than in winte r.”◆Mary has been going to primary scho ol for a week. At the end of the first week her father asked her: “Which period do you like best at school, dear?” May thought for awhile and answered: “I like the break per iod best.”◆During the final examination, some pu pils were so eager to answer the questions that they forgot to fill in the blanks for th e class, name, date, etc. on the front page of the examination paper. The teacher conside red it necessary to remind them of filling all the blanks. She declar ed: “Now, attention please! Fill in all the blanks before you do the questions.” “Shall I fill the blank for t he marks?” one pupil asked.◆A teacher was asking a pupil in her c lass.” Tommie, how many persons are there in the classroom?” “Forty-one, including you, ma’am, ”Tommie answered.” Then, how many are left when I go out?” the teacher a sked again.” None, madam.”◆“What do you think of the relationshi p between ‘deceit’, ‘failure’ and’ success’?” the 1st pupil asked the 2nd pupil. “I think deceit will lead to failure,” the second answered. “Yes, ”the first pupil went on,”but failure is the mother of success.” “So n o deceit, no success, ”concluded the 1st pup il.◆Teacher: “Why ar e you often late for school?” Student: “Because the sign said: School Zone, Go Slow!”◆Phys. teacher: “Which travels faster, heat or cold?” Student: “Heat. You can catc h cold.”◆Math. teacher: “Now we find that X i s equal to zero. “Student: “Gee!All that wor kfor nothing!”◆Chem. teacher: “Can you tell me anyt hing about the great chemists of the 19th century?”Student: “They are all dead, sir.”◆Music teacher: “Who is the famous te nor in our city? And who is the famous bass?”Student: “When my father de nou- nce s me, he is a famous tenor. When he speak s to my mother, he is a bass.”◆“Who was the first President of the Uni ted States?” a history teacher asked one of her student. The student thought for a long time, but didn’t say any-thing. Then thet eacher got angry and shouted, ”George W ashington!” “Come back!” the teacher said,”I didn’t tell you to go.” “Oh, I’m sorr y,” the student said, ”I thought you called t he next student.”◆Medical prof: “What would you do in the case of a person eating poisoous mushr ooms ?”Student: “Recommend a change of d iet.”◆Literature prof. : “Tell me one or tw o things about John Milton.” Student: “Well he got married and he wrote ‘Paradise Lo st’. Then his wife died and he wrote ‘Paradi se Regained’.◆English prof. : “What is the difference be- tween an ac- tive verb and a passive verb ?Stud. : “An active verb shows ac- tio n and a pa- ssive verb shows passion. “◆Grammar teacher: “A noun is the na me of a per- son or a thing. Now, who can give me a noun ?”First pupil: “A cow.” Te acher: “Very good. Another noun?”Second pupil: “Another cow.”◆Prof. : “Before we begin the examinat ion are there any questions?”Stud. : “What’s the name of this course?”◆First student: “Did the music teacher act- ually say your voice was hea- venly?”Second student: “Well, she did say it was u-nearthly.”◆First student: “Which is the longest w ord in the English Language?”Second studen t: “I don’t know. Would you like to tell me what it is?”First student: It’s “smiles”. Seco nd student: “That isn’t very long. Only six l etters.” First student: “But there is a mile between the first and the last letters.◆Teacher: “Can you tell me what a fis h-net is made of?”Pupil: “A lot of little hole s tied together.”◆Once two pu-pils were tal-king about thesun and the moon. “Which of themis more useful?”asked one of them. The other an-swered, ”Oh, I know. The moon is. The moon is in the sky at nightwhen it is dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody wants it.”◆Voice on tele-p hone: “John is ill and can’t attend classes today. He re- quested m e to notify you.” Prof. : “All right. Who is this speaking?”Voice: “This is my roommate.”◆Prof. : “What are you reading. To m?”Stud. : “I don’t know.” Prof. : “You do n’t know?You were reading aloud, so you must know.” Stud. : “I was reading aloud, s ir, butI was not listening. “◆At a college examination a professor s aid: “Does the ques-tion embarrass you?” “Not at all, sir, ”replied thestudent, ”not ata ll. It is the answer that bo-thers m e.”◆Friend: “What is your son going to be when he’s passed his final exam ?”Father:“An old man.”◆Reporter: “What is the profe- ssor’s r esearch work?”Prof. ‘s house-keeper: “It consists principally in hunting for his spect acles.”◆“Professor, whydo you use threepairs of eyegla-sses?” “Yes, one pairfor long sight, one pair for short sight, and the third to lo ok for the other two.”◆Teacher: “Billy, what’s a syno- nym?”Student: “It’s word you used in place of another one when you can not spell the othe r one.”◆Father: “Well, son , what’s your place on the school-list this month?”Son: “I’m twenty -sixth.” Father: “How many pupils a re there in your class?”Son: “Twenty-six. “(A month later)Father: “Well, son , what’s y our place on the list now?”Son: “Twenty- seven. Father: “How can that be?If I reme mber co- rrectly, there are only twenty-six i n your class.” Son: “Oh, no, we have a new boy now.”◆During a Christmas exam, one of the q ues-tions was: “What causes a depre-ssion?”One of the students wrote: “God knows!I do not know. Merry Christmas!”The exam pap ercame back with the prof. ‘s no-tation: “God gets100, you get zero. Happy New Year!“◆The more we study, the more we kno w. The morewe know, the morewe forget. T he more we forget, the less we know. The le ss we know, the less weforget. The less we forget, the more we know. So why study?◆The professorrapped on his rostrum a nd shouted: “Gentle-men, order!” The entire class yelled: “Beer!”◆“If the Deandoesn’t take back what he siad to me thismo ring, I’m goingto leave college.” “What did he say?” “He told me t oleave college.”◆The bright student looked long and th oughtfully at the second ex-amination question, which read: “State the number of t ons of coal shipped out of the United States in any given year.” Then his brow cleared and he wrote: “1492-none.”◆Prof. : “Wake up that student next to you.” Stud. : “You do it yourself, professor, you put him to sleep.”◆Prof. : “You can’t sleep in my class.”Stud. : “If you don’t talk so loud I could.”◆“Our economicsteacher talks tohimself. Does yours?” “Yes, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks weare listening.”◆“I shall now illustrate what I have in mind, ”said the teacher as he erased the blackboard.◆First stud. : “The dean says he is g oing to stop smoking in the college.”Second stud. : “Huh!Next thi ng he’ll be asking us to stop smoking,too.”◆Teacher: “A fool can ask more questi ons than a wise man can answer.”Stud. : “No wonder so many of us flunk i n our exams!”◆A college freshman was being severely criticized by his professor, “Your last paper was very diffi-cult to read, ”said the profe-ssor, ”Your work should be so written that even the most ignorant will be able to under-stand it.” “Yes, sir, ”saidthe student, “w hat part didn’t you get?”◆The professor was delivering the final lec-ture of the term. He dwelt with much emphasis onthe fact each sutdent should de vote all the intervening time preparing for t he final exami-nations.” “The examina-tion p apers arenow in the handsof the printer. Ar e there any questions to be asked?” Silen ce prevai-led. Suddenly a voice from the rea r inquired: “Who is the prin-ter?”◆Prof. : “Never mind the date. The ex amina- tion is more important.” Stud. : “We ll, sir, I wanted to have something right on my paper.”◆Mary had beento school for the first t ime. “Well, darling, what did you learn?”asked hermother, when Marycame back hom e. “Nothing, ”sighed Mary hopelessly, ”I have got to go back again tomo-rrow.”◆One morning Professor Blankwas going to meet his studen-ts in the after-noon, so he wrote some words on the blackboard w hich read as follows: “Profe-ssor Blank will meet the class this afternoon.” Some stude nt, seeing his chance to dis-play his sense of humour after reading the notice, walked u p and erased the “C”in the word “class”. T he pro-fessor noticing the laughter wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the “C”erased-calml y walked up and erased the“l”in “lass”, look ed at the flabbergastedstudent and pro-ceed ed on hisway.◆Teacher: “Henry, what are the three works which some of you use most often in class ?”Henry: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Correct.”◆Teacher.” Mary, why don’t wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” Mary: “What was it?”Teach er: “Eggs.” Mary: “Wrong, tea- cher. That was yesterday.”◆Teacher: “What is an abstract noun,Jane?”Jane: “I don’t know, madam.”Teacher: “What, you don’t know ?Well, it’s the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example. “Jane: “A red-hot poker.”◆First stud. : “How are a teacher anda railroad conductor alike?”Second stud. : “I don’t know. Can you tell me?”First stud. :“One minds the trains and the other tr ains the minds.”◆“Aren’t you ashamed of your-self, He nry?”saidthe headmatser, ”You are the worst pupil in your class.” Henry replied, “What’s that gotto do with me?Isit my fault thatth e worst one was transferredto another school yesterday?”◆Little Smith came home fromwith a n ew bookunder his arm. “It’s a prize, mother,”he ex-plained. “A prize?What for, dear?” “For zoology. Teacher asked mehow many le gs anostrich has and I said three.” “But an ostrichhas only two legs.” “I know it now. B ut all the pu-pils said four, so I was closes t.”◆An absent-min-ded professor was lectu ring on anatomy. “To show you more clearl y what I mean, I have here a parcel with a dissected frog. I want you to ex-amine it ve ry carefully.” The professorunwrapped the p arcel and saw that it contain-ed two sandwic h-es and a boiled egg. Astonished, theprofessor said: “I was sure I hadeaten my lunch, b ut where is thefrog?”◆First stud. : “What did you do with t he cuffs I left on the table last night?”Secon d stud. : “They were so soiled I sent them t o the laundry.” First stud. : “My gods, the entire history of England was on them.”◆A son at colle-ge wrote his father: “N o mon, no fun, your son. “The father an-sw ered: “How sad, too bad, your dad.”◆“Say, dad, reme-ber that storyyou told me about when youwere expelled from colle ge?” “Yes.” “Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that historyrepeats itself.”◆“Where have you been for the last fo ur years?”“At college taking medicine. ““And did you finally get well?”◆The much pre-occupied profe-ssor wal k intothe barber’s shop and sat in a chair n ext to a woman who washaving her hairbob bed. “Haircut, please, ”ordered the professor.“Certainly, ”said the barber. “But if you re ally want a haircut would you mind taking off your hat first?” The professorhurriedly r e-moved his hat. “I’m sorry, ”heapologized a s helooked around.” Ididn’t know there wasa lady present.”◆Teacher: “Didn’t Henry help you to t his sum?”Pupil: “No.” Teacher: “Are you su re he didn’t help you?”Pupil: “No, he did n ot help me, he did it all.”◆Teacher: “What do you call the last t eeth we get?”Pupil: “False teeth.”◆Geog. teacher: “What have the expedi tions to the North Pole accomplished?”Pupil:“Nothing execpt to make the geography less ons harder.”◆Teacher: “What ani mal is sa- tisfied with the least nou- rishment?”Robert: “The moth , teacher. It eats nothing but holes.”◆“What he shapeof the earth?”asked the tea-cher of Jane. “It’s round, ”Jane said. “How do you know it is round, Jane?” “Oh, it’s square. I don’t want tostart an argu-me nt about it.”◆A school tea-cher who had been telling a class of smallpupil the story of the disco veryof America by Columbus endedwith: “A nd all this happened more than 500 years a go.” A little boy, his eyes wide open with w onder, said after a moment’s thought: “Gee! What a good memory youhave got.”◆Teacher: “What are the pro- ducs of Cuba?”Boy: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Com e, come!Where do you get sugar from?”Boy:“We borrow it from the next-door neighbo ur.”◆Teacher: “The earth has a n attractive power;that power is known as gravity. It is, in fact, the law of gravity which prevents u s from being thrown off the earth as it revo lves.” Pupil: “Please, teacher, how did we ke ep on the earth be- fore the law was passe d?”◆Teacher: “In the o ld days men were often put in prison with- out any proper rea son;but today we never think of puni- shing people for things they have not done.” Bad boy: (sulki- ly): “Then why was I criti- ciz ed yester- day because I didn’t do my home work?”◆Teacher: “Tomm y, where was the Dec laration of Independence signed?”Tommy: “At the bottom , I guess.”◆First pupil: “What word be- comes sh orter if you add two letters to it?”Second p upil: “Oh , I know. It’s” short”.◆Professor Blank: “Hasn’t Jimmy ever married?”Student: “No, and I don’t think he intends to, because he’s studying for a bac helor’s de- gree.”◆“A telegram from George, dear.” “We ll, did he pass the exami-nation this time?” “No, but he is almost at the top of the list of those who failed.”◆Miss Betty taught physics in a New Y ork school. One day she said to herclass, ”N ow, I have a brother in Los An-geles. If I was calling him on the phone, and at the sa metime you were 75feet away, liste-ning to me, whichof you would hear what I saidearli er, my bro-ther or you-andfor what reason?”“One of the bright studentsat once answered,”Your brother, Miss Betty, be-cause electri-city travels faster than sound waves.” But th en, a girl said, ”I disagree, Miss Betty. Your brother would hear you earlier because wh en it’s eleven o’clock here, it’s eight o’clock in LosAngeles.”◆Teacher: “What was George Wa- shin gton noted for?”Johnny: “His me- mory.”Tea cher: “What makes you think his me- mory was so great?”Johnny: “They erected a mo-nument to it.”◆Stud. : “I’m in- debted to you for allI know.”Prof. : “Oh, don’t mention such a mere trifle.”◆During a na-tural historylesson at sch ool, Mary was asked to give the nameof an animal peculiar to South Afri-ca. “A polar b ear!”replied Mary in-stantly. The teacher fro wned repro-vi ngly.” Come, come!Mary, ”shesaid, ”Polar bears are not to be found in So uth Africa.” “I know, ”Maryanswered, ”that’swhy it would bepeculiar.”◆First student: “There is a guy in our school who’s a real know-it-all. So I told hi m no- body liked that attitu de. “Second stud ent: “And what did he say?”First student: “He said he al- ready knew that.”◆At college Percy fell intoa cycle of cla sses, studying, working and sleeping. He did not realize howlong he had neg-lected writin g his family untilhe received thefollowing not e: “Dear son, Your mother and I en-joyed y our lastletter. Of course, we were much you nger then, andmore impressio-nable. Love D ad.”◆Mary began to go to school atthe age of six years old. She spent her firstday hap pily. Butat the end of the second day, when the other children left the classroom, she st ayed be-hind and waited. “Why didn’t you g o with the others, Mary?”herteacher asked k indly.”Did you want to ask me aquestion?” “Yes.” “What is it?”the teacher asked. “Wha t did I do in school today?”The teacher laug hed. “What did you ask me that, Mary?” “Beause I’m going to go homenow, ”Mary a n-swered, ”and my mother is going to ask me.”◆One day one ofthe girls in Rose’s clas s said to her, ”Miss Rose, why does a man’s hair become grey before his mus-tache and beard do?” Rose laughed and replied, ”I d on’t know. Who can answer the question?” Then one ofthe boys said, ”I know, Miss Ro se!Men’s hair be-comes grey first because it’s sixteen years older than their mustaches a nd beards.”◆As a freshman, George had to take a course inwestern civili-zation from a certain profe-ssor--his father. “What is it like to ha ve your dad for class?”he was constantly as ked. “Not as stran-ge as you might think, ”he re-plied.” My father has been lec-turing me all my life. I just never had to take not es be-fore.”◆Teacher: “What happens when there i s an eclipse of the sun?”Pupil: “Many peo- ple go out into the streets to look at it.”。

英语笑话集锦 (大量短篇笑话供娱乐和阅读)

The Perfect Son.A: I have the perfect son.B: Does he smoke?A: No, he doesn't.B: Does he drink whiskey?A: No, he doesn't.B: Does he ever come home late?A: No, he doesn't.B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?A: He will be six months old next W ednesday.Girl: Y ou would be a good dancer except for two things.Boy: What are the two things?Girl: Y our feet.Submitted by Bob W aldmanA family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "W ell, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."Submitted by BH LEEMy friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)The doctor to the patient: 'Y ou are very sick'The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'The doctor again: 'Y es, you are very ugly too...'I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.Submitted by: Adriana LuchettiA man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!" Submitted by Sean McLoughlinPatient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.Submitted by: Irene PellegriniPatient: Doctor! Y ou've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.Doctor: Next please!Submitted by Marco Morales, MexicoTwo boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.""You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"Submitted by SteveA: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.B: I'm not. I'm her mother.Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?Submitted by Miguel de Paco MoltóHeadmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?Johnny: Nothing, sir.Headmaster: Exactly.Submitted by Maria del Pilar Villlegas MartinezTeacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"Submitted by Bernadette KellyA: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.B: Y es, sir. Y ou are a taxi.Submitted by Cláudia AlmeidaA: Why are you crying?B: The elephant is dead.A: W as he your pet?B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.Submitted by Joe, from IndianaA teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up."Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?""Wrong number," replied the girl.PUPIL: "W ould you punish me for something I didn`t do?"TEACHER:" Of course not."PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."Submitted by Miguel de Paco MoltóA teacher asked a student to write 55.Student asked: How?Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!The student wrote 5 and stopped.teacher: What are you waiting for?student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!Submitted by Mahmoud ZeidanWhen I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:Phone rings: "Green, green!"They answer: "Yellow?"They ask: "White?"They hang up: "Pink!"While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone. Submitted by Maria Crisitna CodornizLittle Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?Little Johnny: But I asked first!Submitted by: Elise Owen, Dalian ChinaTwo goldfish in a bowl talking:Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?Son: Dad, what is an idiot?Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?Son: No.Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.W oman: Y es, but would you stay there?Man: I offer you myself.Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.Man: I want to share everything with you.Woman: Let's start from your bank account.Submitted by kara dolsonTeacher: Why are you late?Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.Teacher: That's nice. W ere you helping him look for it?Student: No. I was standing on it.Submitted by Fred G. StoneCustomer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.W aitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.Submitted by Jim SperlingThe real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."The man replys, "By the week or by the month?"The agent answers, "By the garbage dump.."Bank Teller: How do you like the money?English Student: I like it very much.Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)"Why do you take baths in milk?""I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffeeW aitress : Is it enough Sir?Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)"Y ou look very funny wearing that belt.""I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it.""I was born in California.""Which part?""All of me.""Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?""No, I'm sorry I don't.""W ell, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?Student: W ell...yes and no.Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "Y ou see, it pays to be bilingual!"Submitted by Jeanne RamirezOnce there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.The student: I walk. Y ou walk ....The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.The student: I run. Y ou run ...Submitted by: MouhssinFather: What did you do today to help your mother?Son: I dried the dishesDaughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.Submitted by Fred G. StoneA: Look at your face I know what you have for breakfastB: What was it?A: Eggs.B: No, that was yesterday.Submitted by: Janekt HoA: Why are all those people running?B: They are running a race to get a cup.A: Who will get the cup?B: The person who wins.A: Then why are all the others running?Submitted by: Girish ChavanPatient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.Submitted by: Rizwana Lahore PakistanSaid to a railroad engineer:What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.The reply from the railroad engineer:How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule? Submitted by Kyle JeffersonA: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?B: It's because your feet aren't empty.Submitted by Kyle JeffersonTeacher: Did you father help your with your homework?Student: No, he did it all by himself.Teacher: What are some products of the W est Indies?Student: I don't know.Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?Student: W e borrow it from our neighbor.On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked."No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases?Submitted by lisbethA: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?B: OkA: A white horse fell in the mud.Submitted by Robert Kenneth Peter Kroeker - age 21A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Y oung man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!" :) Submitted by Joan M. Diez ClivilleI used to be a werewoolf...But I'm much better noooooooooooow !Submitted by Eric Vadot"Spell SPOT three times.""S P O T , S P O T , S P O T""What do you do when you come to a green light?"(answer is invariably-) "Stop!""What, at a GREEN light?"Submitted by KarenThere is a California dude going through a desert. He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He's having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching. He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: "Hey dudes how far is the sea?" They look at each other and say: "Two thousand miles!" And he says: "W ow what a cool beach!!!"Submitted by Robert StadnikIn a restaurant:Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.Submitted by Daniel Fernando RodriguesOne teacher said this to his students before the final test."A" is for God."B" is for me and my wife."C" is for the perfect student."D & F" are for all other students.Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?God said to man --- So that you will love them.Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?God said to man --- So that they will love you.Submitted by Esmond Jones.This is a humorous "fake" news items which many adult ESL/EFL students may understand.REDMOND, WA (API) --- MICROSOFT (MSFT) announced today thatthe official release date for the new operating system"Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of1901.Knock KnockWho's there?Olive.Olive who?Olive you so much! (I love you so much..)Submitted by Barbara S.Knock, knock.Who's there?Banana.Banana who?Knock, knock.Who's there?Banana.Banana who?Knock, knock.Who's there?Banana.Banana who?Knock, knock.Who's there?Orange.Orange who?Orange you glad I didn't say banana?Submitted by Pat Bacon(For advanced learners... and teachers?)Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, "I'm Thor!"His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, "That'th becauthe you forgot the thaddle, thilly!"Submitted by W alter F. LockhartDid you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?He ordered a cup of o a cafe?He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.Submitted by C. Keyes1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?2. Did you hear about the deaf shepherder who gathered his flock and heard? Submitted by Leah DavisY ou can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.Submitted by George L. WashingtonMy boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.Submitted by Jozef Karpat"Do you know what really amazes me about you?""No.What?""Oops.Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"Submitted by The Clar (South Korea)Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway? Submitted by Rex Karz in SeattleIf tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?Submitted by r.d.If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?Submitted by ShahirahComment Probably too difficult for most ESL students.A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.What is a person who speaks one language?An American.Submitted by H. TerrellMan: How can you tell if a man is happy?W oman : Who cares?!(Use as an example of a sexist joke.)Submitted by Tomoyuki Noda from Japan。

【高中英语】英语幽默笑话集锦(三)

【高中英语】英语幽默笑话集锦（三）◆During a Christmas exam, one of the ques-tions was: “What causes a depre-ssion?”One of the students wrote: “God knows!I do not know. Merry Christmas!”The exam papercame back with the prof. ‘s no-tation: “Godgets100, you get zero. Happy New Year!“◆The more we study, the more we know. The morewe know, the morewe forget. The more we forget, the less we know. The less we know, the less weforget. The less we forget, the more we know. So why study?◆The professorrapped on his rostrum and shouted: “Gentle-men, order!” The entire class yelled: “Beer!”◆“If the Deandoesn’t take back what he siad to me thismoring, I’m goingto leave college.” “What did he say?” “He told me toleave college.”◆The bright student looked long and thoughtfully at the second ex-amination ques-tion, which read: “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of the United States in any given year.” Then his brow cleared and he wrote: “1492-none.”◆Prof. : “Wake up that student next to you.” Stud. : “You do it yourself, pro- fessor, you put him to sleep.”◆Prof. : “You can’t sleep in my class.” Stud. : “If you don’t talk so loud I could.”◆“Our economicsteacher talks tohimself. Does yours?” “Yes, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks weare listening.”高考临近，以下是一些英语幽默笑话集锦，希望对大家有所帮助！◆“I shall now illustrate what I have in mind, ”said the teacheras he erased theblackboard.◆First stud. : “The dean says he is going to stop smoking in the college.”Second stud. : “Huh!Next thing he’ll be asking us t o stop smoking, too.”◆Teacher: “A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.” Stud. : “No wonder so many of us flunk in our exams!”◆A college freshman was being severely criticized by his professor, “Your last paper was very diffi-cu lt to read, ”said the profe-ssor, ”Your work should be so written that even the most ignorant will be able to under-stand it.” “Yes, sir, ”saidthe student, “what part didn’t you get?”◆The professor was delivering the final lec-ture of the term. He dwelt with much emphasis onthe fact each sutdent should devote all the intervening time preparing for the final exami-nations.” “The examina-tion papers arenow in the handsof the printer. Are there any questions to be asked?” Silence prevai-led. Suddenly a vo ice from the rear inquired: “Who is the prin-ter?”◆Prof. : “Never mind the date. The examina- tion is more important.” Stud. : “Well, sir, I wanted to have something right on my paper.”◆Mary had beento school for the first time. “Well, darling, w hat did you learn?”asked hermother, when Marycame back home. “Nothing, ”sighed Mary hopelessly, ”I have got to go back again tomo-rrow.”◆One morning Professor Blankwas going to meet his studen-ts in the after-noon, so he wrote some words on the blackb oard which read as follows: “Profe-ssor Blank willmeet the class this afternoon.” Some student, seeing his chance to dis-play his sense of humour after reading the notice, walked up and erased the “C”in the word “class”. The pro-fessor noticing the laughter wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the “C”erased-calmly walked up and erased the“l”in “lass”, looked at the flabbergastedstudent and pro-ceeded on hisway.◆Teacher: “Henry, what are the three works which some of you use most often in class ?”Henry: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Correct.”◆Teacher.” Mary, why don’t wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” Mary: “What was it?”Teacher: “Eggs.” Mary: “Wrong, tea- cher. That was yesterday.”◆Teacher: “What is an abstract noun, Jane?”Jane: “I don’t know, madam.” Teacher: “What, you don’t know ?Well, it’s the name of a thingwhich you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example. “Jane: “A red-hot poker.”感谢您的阅读，祝您生活愉快。

简短的搞笑英语句子集锦

【导语】近年⼀些年青⼈爱上了英语搞笑,引起了络上有关英语⼀场新的热议。

下⾯是由⽆忧考带来的简短的搞笑英语句⼦集锦，欢迎阅读!【篇⼀】简短的搞笑英语句⼦集锦 1， Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 不⽤和傻⽠吵架，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他的⽔平，然后再⽤丰富的经验打败你。

2， Evening news is where they begin with …Good evening‟, and then proceed to tell you why it isn‟t. 晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你为什么好不了。

3， Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? 海豚可聪明了，你晓得不?只需驯养⼏个星期，他们就能让⼈类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。

4， Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. 孩⼦定义：你先花2年教他们⾛路和说话，然后你再花16年叫他们坐定和闭嘴。

5， It‟s not the fall that kills you; it‟s the sudden stop at the end. 跳楼的时候，“啊~~“的时候还没死，”啪!“那才是死了。

60个搞笑的英语绕口令集锦

导语：搞笑的英语绕⼝令有哪些?下⾯是©⽆忧考⽹为⼤家精⼼整理的关于英语搞笑绕⼝令⼤全，欢迎阅读! (1)Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick. (2)She sells sea shells by the sea shore.The shells she sells are surely seashells.So if she sells shells on the seashore,I'm sure she sells seashore shells. (3)"Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised."Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink." (4)A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net. (5)Where is the watch I put in my pocket to take to the shop because it had stopped? (6)Bob bought a big bag of buns to bait the bears' babies (7)A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake. (8)Mr. Cook said to a cook: "Look at this cook-book. It's very good." So the cook took the advice of Mr. Cook and bought the book. 〔9〕 A flea and a fly were trapped in a flue, and they tried to flee for their life. The flea said to the fly "let''s flee!" and the fly said to the flea"Let's fly!.Finally both the flea and fly managed to flee through a flaw in the flue. 〔10〕Peter Piper picked a peck of picket prepared by his parents and put them in a big paper plate. 〔11〕The rat-catcher can't catch caught rats. (12〕Six silly sisters sell silk to six sickly senior citizens. 〔13〕Ten tiny tortoises tried to talk to twenty timid toads. 〔14〕How many cuckoos could a good cook cook if a cook could cook cuckoos? 〔15〕Three thumping tigers are tickling trout. 〔16〕Sheep shouldn't sleep in shaky shacks, should they? 〔17〕A spoiled boy destroyed a toy for joy. 〔18〕Nick had a big pig with thick sticky skin. 〔19〕Cat, cat, catch that fat rat! 〔20〕Some say sweet-scented shaving soap soothes sore skin. 〔21〕Big blue balloons bounced by Billy's brown bike. 〔22〕Five fine funny frogs frowned on furry furniture. 〔23〕The nurses in skirts washed thirty dirty shirts. 〔24〕If a chow chews shoes, how does he choose which shoes to chew? 〔25〕Little Willie's wooden whistle wouldn't whistle. 〔26〕Better beat a bit of butter to make a better batter. 〔27〕Lots of little London Lamplighters light London's lots of little lamps. 〔28〕Shadows shade the sheltered shallows. 〔29〕His shirt soon shrank in the suds. 〔30〕As the roaring rocket rose, the restless roosters rollicked. 〔31〕The next number is neither nine nor nineteen. 〔32〕Sally Sue sat sadly saying sixty-six syllables to silly Sandy. 〔33〕The frozen fishermen threw their frozen fish back in again. 〔34〕An elevator on Everest is an Everest elevator. 〔35〕Swan, swim over the sea. Swim, Swan, swim!swan, swim back again. Well swum, Swan! 〔36〕I see seven seagulls soaring southwards silently. 〔37〕Tommy Tye tried to tie his tie but tugging too tight tore his tie. 〔38〕The dude dropped in at the Dewdrop Inn for a drop of drink. 〔39〕Mrs Snelling's selling six sick six-shilling sheep. 〔40〕Tiny Tommy Tortoise talked to Tessie Turtle on telephone ten times today. 〔41〕Sixty-seven sacks of salt sitting side by side. 〔42〕Can Christmas come twice?If Christmas can come twice, when else can Christmas come? 〔43〕With one hand her husband hit her hat into a high hole. 〔44〕Mrs Claton collects coconut cookies and crunches while she's counting crutches. 〔45〕The man with fair hair dare not repair their chairs there because there is a bear there. 〔46〕Master Carl asks his class not to go to the parks to play cards. 〔47〕 When a doctor doctors another doctor, does he doctor the doctored doctor the way the doctored doctor wants to be doctored or does he doctor the doctored doctor the way the doctoring doctor wants to doctor the doctor? 〔48〕 How much wood would a woodcutter cut if a woodcutter could cut wood? He'd cut as much wood as a woodcutter could if a wood cutter could cut wood. 〔49〕Nina needs nine knitting needles to knit naughty Nita's knickers nicely. 〔50〕I don't know why Joan showed a yellow coat to the goat in the snow. 〔51〕I slit a sheet, A sheet I slit. Upon the slitted Slitted Sheet, I sit! 〔52〕A Big black bug bit a big black bear.Where's the big black bear the big black bug bit? 〔53〕Begging for the bactine and clamouring for calamine! 〔54〕 Moses supposes his toeses are roses, But moses supposes erroneously. For moses, he knowses his toeses aren't roses as moses supposes his toeses to be! 〔55〕The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick. 〔56〕 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickle peppers. A peck of pickle peppers Peter Piper Picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickle peppers, where is the peck of pickle peppers Peter Piper picked (57)Neither father nor mother likes this weather. (58)A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,but the stump thunk the skunk stunk. (59)Betty Botter had some butter,"But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter,it would make my batter bitter.But a bit of better butter--that would make my batter better." (60)So she bought a bit of butter,better than her bitter butter,and she baked it in her batter,and the batter was not bitter.So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.。

超级好笑的英语笑话集锦

超级好笑的英语笑话集锦笑话是幽默的语言表达。

它是一种常见的幽默传达方式。

笑话是口头或者书面的幽默语言。

下面是店铺带来的超级好笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!超级好笑的英语笑话篇一直言不讳My husband bought me an automatic dishwasher for my birthday. In filling out the guarantee，he came across the question，“What year and model dishwasher did you're place?"He wrote:"Wife—Age 24".我丈夫在我生日那天给我买了台全自动洗碗机。

在填写保修单叶，他看到里面有一项是:“你替换的旧洗碗机是哪年生产的，什么型号?”我丈夫写道:“妻子—24岁”。

超级好笑的英语笑话篇二梦幻世界A hotel manager in a small town reports that a guest woke up everyone in the hotel screaming，"It's in the phone book! It's in the the phone book!"饭店经理报告说一名客人把所有的人都吵醒了，他不停地尖叫:“就在电话薄里，就在电话薄里。

”The manager got the house detective and they let themselves into the man's room，where they found him in the midst of a nightmare. "I was having a horrible dream，”the man explained when awakened. "I dreamed the income-tax people wanted to send me a big refund, but they'd lost my address!"经理找来侦探后，带他进入了那位客人的房间。