老外幽默：网站评选10个候选最佳英语笑话

英语笑话
这个故事告诉我们，写对邮件地址很重要。

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from h er husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, an d
we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
老外幽默：网站评选10个候选最佳笑话
这是我逛读者文摘时看到的，网站正在评选最佳笑话，列了10个候选，不敢独享，贴过来大家也评评。

我觉得第2和第3个太绝了，特别是第3个里面熊猫老兄，太酷了，哈哈。

不过第8和第9个不太明白，看懂了的说说啊。

1、Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care." St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "You can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."
HMO ：Health Maintenance Organization 卫生维护组织
2、I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."
3、A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
4、Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"
cannibal ：食人者, 吃同类的动物
5、The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. The first golfer in a foursome teed off and hooked the ball. It soared over the fence and bounced onto the street, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and ricocheted back onto the
fairway. As they all stood in amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you do that?" The golfer shrugged. "You have to know the bus schedule." fairway ：航路, [空]水上飞机升降用的水面跑道
foursome ：四人的一组, 四人对抗赛adj.四人做的, 由四组成的
tee off ：发球, 开始
ricochet ：n.跳飞, 跳弹v.(使)跳飞
6、How do you keep a jackass in suspense?
I'll let you know tomorrow!
jackass ：公驴, 愚人, 傻子
7、Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die." rattlesnake ：<美>[动]响尾蛇
8、Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge. "Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." "How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead（去死）!"
9、Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back...
10、Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? How's it work?" "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"。