黄西脱口秀

黄西在美国记者年会晚宴上的表演

Joe Wong at RTCA Dinner 2010 With Chinese Commentary

黄西是一名从中国大陆到美国的留学生，除了他专业的研究工作外，他还是最近美国新兴的一名脱口秀艺人。2009年，他因参加美国深夜节目收视率冠军的“大卫赖特曼秀”一炮而红。他独特的幽默方式在youtube上广受欢迎。本文是他在美国"电台电视记者协会"白宫年会上的表演片段。

Good evening, everyone. My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as "Who?" [Laughter] "Hu" is actually my mother's maiden name, [Laughter] and the answer to my credit card security question. [Laughter]

各位晚上好，我是Joe Wong（黄西）。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，会问“谁”?，Who（同音“Hu”）恰恰是我妈的娘家姓，也是我信用卡安全问题的答案。（和很多网站注册一样，美国的信用卡也会设置安全问题，比如“你妈妈姓什么”，“你家小狗叫什么”）

But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight. [Laughter]

但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我今晚的确是受到邀请来的。（这里是隐指Salah夫妇闯入白宫欢迎晚宴的新闻，大家可以搜索Michaele and Tareq Salahi）

I grew up in China. Who wouldn't? [Laughter]

我在中国长大。谁不是呢？（这是用自己的自大讽刺美国人的自大）

As my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. [Laughter] When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I have to worked at a rice paddy, right next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. And that is where I learned that light travels faster than sound, [Laughter] which is almost as slow as a flying rock. [Laughter]

而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。（思路怪异）读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动，稻田的旁边是一个采石场，他们用炸药炸石头。也就是在那里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快，而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。

My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would tried to cheer me up with jokes. But he doesn't do it right. When I was seven, one day he said to me, "Hi, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" [Laughter] So, five minutes later, I said, "Why?" [Laughter] He said, "Because I said so!" [Laughter]

我爸爸是个脾气很怪的人，但偶尔他也想用笑话来逗我玩儿。可是他又做不好。我七岁的时候，有一天他问我，“嘿，儿子，你说为什么豆腐比社会主义计划经济要好？”（风马牛不相及）我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”，他说“因为我说好就是好！”（笑点在于：豆腐，计划经济以及极端的父权。豆腐和经济放在一起本来就没有可比性，就好像这种“我说了算”的父权也根本不可理喻，让人又好气又好笑）

I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. [Applause] That wasn't a joke, [Laughter] until now. [Laughter]

我24岁的时候来到美国，在Texas的Rice University求学。这不是个笑话，不过现在是了。

And I was driving that a used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "If you don't speak English, go home!" [Laughter] And I didn't notice it for two years. [Laughter]

我当时开了辆二手车，保险杠上贴了好多贴纸（就类似我们的“熊出没注意”那种），贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚回家去”。（这句话有歧视外来移民的意味）而我两年后才看到它。

And like many other immigrants, we wanted our son to become the president of this country. And we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home and English in the public. Which is really a tough to do, because many times I had to say to him in public, "Hi, listen, if you don't speak English, go home!" [Laughter]

和很多其他的移民一样，我们都希望自己的儿子能成为这个国家的总统。于是我们努力让他们说两种语言，在家说中文，在外说英文。但操作起来其实挺困难，很多时候我不得不在公共场合对他说：“嘿，听着，如果你不说英文，就滚回家去。”（这里说明了该句子是一种教训儿子的口气）