新高考 新作文——作文讲评及例析
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The trip was terrible for me and I request you to pay for my loss. I would appreciate it very much if you could give me a satisfying respond. Yours, 16 response Li Hua
新高考 新作文
——作文讲评及例析——
•
• •
• • • •
假设你是李华，于2015年3月3日搭乘国外 某航班（flight number BA793)回国，旅途的 糟糕经历令你很不愉快。现请你用英文给该航空 公司写一封投诉信。 信件包括要点如下： 1. 陈述写信原因。 2.投诉内容： 1).航班耽误了7个小时。 2).登机后的不愉快经 历。 3).托运的行李箱被损坏。4).提出你的要求。 注意：1.词数100左右; 2.可以适当增加细节，使行文连贯。
Principle 1
Appropriateness (得体性)
以什么身份写、写给谁、 为什么写 • Letter writing is an authentic task. You should bear in mind that you are writing the letter to communicate with others. Pay attention to the relationship between you, the writer and the receiver. Pay attention to the purpose of writing. Pay attention to the tone.
get on the plane board/get on board the plane
来自百度文库
Strategy: accumulate synonyms and try to paraphrase using better expressions.
• 1.我写这封信向你们公司投诉我与2015年3月3日 搭乘航班BA793的不愉快经历。 • ___________________________________ I am writing this letter to lodge a complaint with ___________________________________ your airline about my unpleasant travel experience ___________________________________ aboard/on board flight BA 793 on March 3, 2015. • 2.航班的推迟使我在机场耽搁了近7个小时。 ___________________________________ The delayed flight left me stranded/stuck at the ___________________________________ airport for about 7 hours. 3. 我发现托运的行李箱被损坏，扶手也被弄断。 __________________________________ I found my check-in luggage which was newly __________________________________ bought out of shape and its handle broken.
•
假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上 海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游， 但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给 他写一封信： • 1. 表示歉意； 2. 解释原因； 3. 另约时间。
a. I am Li Hua, who wants to go to Shanghai with you. b. Due to this, I just couldn’t afford the time to go to Beijing with you next week, but I will be free the week after next week. Maybe we can go then.
√
• 1. I request that you should pay for my loss during the flight. • 2. I would appreciate it very much if you could give me a satisfying response I demand/require/insist that ……. (should) do ….
Principle 2 Diversify your vocabulary
because of delay due to put off owing to postpone
bad
unpleasant
terrible
awful
complain lodge/make a complaint about about express one’s dissatisfaction about be stuck at the airport be stranded/caught… pay back the money demand a (full) refund claim compensation for compensate for
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing to express my discontent. I took the flight to return my country in March, 3, 2015, but got the bad serve. ∧ on service to First, the flight delayed for about 7 hours, and nobody ∧ was 7 hours later, after I getting on the gave any explaination. explanation got plane, I was disappointed that there was rubbish everywhere and the seat was dirty. And the worker in the plane was impolite. When I finally back to the homeland, I was so angry ∧ went to find that my check-in luggage was broken.
假设你是高三（一）班学生李越，有 感于校园中存在的随意涂写（to scribble） 和乱丢垃圾（to litter）的行为。请用英 语给校长写一封100词左右的信。信中应 包括以下内容： 1. 说明写信目的； 2. 对这些行为进行批评； 3. 提出建议。
b. I wonder if the school can put in place some rules to deal with the problem.
•
a. I think the school should come up with more measures to deal with the problem and I suggest that you hold a meeting to educate the students about it.
• 3.We were kept waiting at the airport for hours and were not informed about the real cause. • ________________________________ We were kept waiting at the airport for ________________________________ hours without being informed about the real ________________________________ cause. • 4.When I arrived at my destination, I found my luggage which was newly bought out of shape. • ________________________________ On arriving/arrival at my destination, I ________________________________ found my luggage which was newly bought ________________________________ out of shape. (复合句、特殊句式、介词短语、 句式多样性 非谓语动词等。)
• • •
假设你是李华，你购买了一部某外国公司生产 的手机，因有质量问题，要求该公司更换。请根据 下列要点，用英文写一封电子邮件。 1.手机问题：不响铃，不能发短信； 该产品已售 完，无法更换； 型号新，无配件，无法维修。 2. 你的要求：公司应尽快予以更换。
a. I wonder if your company can exchange this phone for me as soon as possible.
Principle 2 Diversify your vocabulary Strategy: try to use phrases
Principle 3 Diversify your sentence patterns • 1.The experience is very unbearable and I demand an apology from your company. • The ___________________________________ experience is so unbearable that I demand an ___________________________________ apology from your company. ___________________________________ /So unbearable is the experience that I demand an ___________________________________ apology from your company. • 2.Your airline should provide quality service. Meanwhile, you should also take customers’ need into consideration. Not only should your airline provide _______________________________ quality service, but you should also take _______________________________ customers’ needs into consideration. ______________________________
Criteria 第五档(很好):(21-25分) • 1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。 • 2. 覆盖所有内容要点。 • 3. 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。 • 4. 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为 尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致;具 备较强的语言运用能力。 • 5. 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使全 文结构紧凑。 • 6. 完全达到了预期的写作目的。
1. What type of letter is this? A letter of complaint 2. What is the purpose in writing the letter? To make a complaint 3. What is the tone of the letter? Firm and not too polite.
b. I demand that your company should exchange the phone for me as soon as possible. √ c. I would appreciate it if your company 写投诉信时语气要冷静、郑重、克制， could exchange the phone for me as soon as 不必过于礼貌。 possible.
新高考 新作文
——作文讲评及例析——
•
• •
• • • •
假设你是李华，于2015年3月3日搭乘国外 某航班（flight number BA793)回国，旅途的 糟糕经历令你很不愉快。现请你用英文给该航空 公司写一封投诉信。 信件包括要点如下： 1. 陈述写信原因。 2.投诉内容： 1).航班耽误了7个小时。 2).登机后的不愉快经 历。 3).托运的行李箱被损坏。4).提出你的要求。 注意：1.词数100左右; 2.可以适当增加细节，使行文连贯。
Principle 1
Appropriateness (得体性)
以什么身份写、写给谁、 为什么写 • Letter writing is an authentic task. You should bear in mind that you are writing the letter to communicate with others. Pay attention to the relationship between you, the writer and the receiver. Pay attention to the purpose of writing. Pay attention to the tone.
get on the plane board/get on board the plane
来自百度文库
Strategy: accumulate synonyms and try to paraphrase using better expressions.
• 1.我写这封信向你们公司投诉我与2015年3月3日 搭乘航班BA793的不愉快经历。 • ___________________________________ I am writing this letter to lodge a complaint with ___________________________________ your airline about my unpleasant travel experience ___________________________________ aboard/on board flight BA 793 on March 3, 2015. • 2.航班的推迟使我在机场耽搁了近7个小时。 ___________________________________ The delayed flight left me stranded/stuck at the ___________________________________ airport for about 7 hours. 3. 我发现托运的行李箱被损坏，扶手也被弄断。 __________________________________ I found my check-in luggage which was newly __________________________________ bought out of shape and its handle broken.
•
假设你是新华中学的学生李华，你和在上 海上学的英国朋友Tom约好下周末去北京旅游， 但你因故不能赴约。请根据以下要点用英语给 他写一封信： • 1. 表示歉意； 2. 解释原因； 3. 另约时间。
a. I am Li Hua, who wants to go to Shanghai with you. b. Due to this, I just couldn’t afford the time to go to Beijing with you next week, but I will be free the week after next week. Maybe we can go then.
√
• 1. I request that you should pay for my loss during the flight. • 2. I would appreciate it very much if you could give me a satisfying response I demand/require/insist that ……. (should) do ….
Principle 2 Diversify your vocabulary
because of delay due to put off owing to postpone
bad
unpleasant
terrible
awful
complain lodge/make a complaint about about express one’s dissatisfaction about be stuck at the airport be stranded/caught… pay back the money demand a (full) refund claim compensation for compensate for
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing to express my discontent. I took the flight to return my country in March, 3, 2015, but got the bad serve. ∧ on service to First, the flight delayed for about 7 hours, and nobody ∧ was 7 hours later, after I getting on the gave any explaination. explanation got plane, I was disappointed that there was rubbish everywhere and the seat was dirty. And the worker in the plane was impolite. When I finally back to the homeland, I was so angry ∧ went to find that my check-in luggage was broken.
假设你是高三（一）班学生李越，有 感于校园中存在的随意涂写（to scribble） 和乱丢垃圾（to litter）的行为。请用英 语给校长写一封100词左右的信。信中应 包括以下内容： 1. 说明写信目的； 2. 对这些行为进行批评； 3. 提出建议。
b. I wonder if the school can put in place some rules to deal with the problem.
•
a. I think the school should come up with more measures to deal with the problem and I suggest that you hold a meeting to educate the students about it.
• 3.We were kept waiting at the airport for hours and were not informed about the real cause. • ________________________________ We were kept waiting at the airport for ________________________________ hours without being informed about the real ________________________________ cause. • 4.When I arrived at my destination, I found my luggage which was newly bought out of shape. • ________________________________ On arriving/arrival at my destination, I ________________________________ found my luggage which was newly bought ________________________________ out of shape. (复合句、特殊句式、介词短语、 句式多样性 非谓语动词等。)
• • •
假设你是李华，你购买了一部某外国公司生产 的手机，因有质量问题，要求该公司更换。请根据 下列要点，用英文写一封电子邮件。 1.手机问题：不响铃，不能发短信； 该产品已售 完，无法更换； 型号新，无配件，无法维修。 2. 你的要求：公司应尽快予以更换。
a. I wonder if your company can exchange this phone for me as soon as possible.
Principle 2 Diversify your vocabulary Strategy: try to use phrases
Principle 3 Diversify your sentence patterns • 1.The experience is very unbearable and I demand an apology from your company. • The ___________________________________ experience is so unbearable that I demand an ___________________________________ apology from your company. ___________________________________ /So unbearable is the experience that I demand an ___________________________________ apology from your company. • 2.Your airline should provide quality service. Meanwhile, you should also take customers’ need into consideration. Not only should your airline provide _______________________________ quality service, but you should also take _______________________________ customers’ needs into consideration. ______________________________
Criteria 第五档(很好):(21-25分) • 1. 完全完成了试题规定的任务。 • 2. 覆盖所有内容要点。 • 3. 应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。 • 4. 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为 尽力使用较复杂结构或较高级词汇所致;具 备较强的语言运用能力。 • 5. 有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使全 文结构紧凑。 • 6. 完全达到了预期的写作目的。
1. What type of letter is this? A letter of complaint 2. What is the purpose in writing the letter? To make a complaint 3. What is the tone of the letter? Firm and not too polite.
b. I demand that your company should exchange the phone for me as soon as possible. √ c. I would appreciate it if your company 写投诉信时语气要冷静、郑重、克制， could exchange the phone for me as soon as 不必过于礼貌。 possible.