专业外教批改雅思作文范例

TA/TR 5 ♦ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places♦ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn♦ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detailCC 5 ♦ presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression ♦ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices♦may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution♦ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequateLR 6 ♦ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task♦ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy♦makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communicationGRA 6 ♦ uses a variety of complex structures♦ produces frequent error-free sentences♦ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errorsScore 22/5.5Other Items Affecting ScoreUnder length √No. of words 249 Penalty .5 Off-topic x Memorized ——Illegible ——Overall BandScore5.5-.5=5band range band range9 [35-36] 4 [15-17)8.5 [33-35) 3.5 [13-15)8 [31-33) 3 [11-13)7.5 [29-31) 2.5 [9-11)7 [27-29) 2 [7-9)6.5 [25-27) 1.5 [5-7)6 [23-25) 1 [3-5)5.5 [21-23) 0.5 [1-3) 5 [19-21) 0 [0-1) 4.5 [17-19) ————Hello dear student, it’s time to check your writing. You may notice some minimal or maximal changes in your essay which will help you improve your writing abilities, to meet the standards of IELTS writing.First we will review the questionThis is an argument type of questionViewpoint Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Task Discuss if the advantages outweigh the disadvantagesMy article:Now, let us review your introductionNowadays, the problem whether children should accept foreign language courses at primary school or secondary school is under debate. People’s point varies from person to person. Personally, I prefer to the former view that children should begin learning foreign language at primary school. Structure You were able to present a social background, aviewpoint and your opinionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your introduction with the providedmodifications to make it more profound and clearMoving forward, let us review your body paragraphsNo one can deny that starting learning foreign language at secondary school has plenty of merits. The main reason of that is junior students’studying ability is much better than of primary schools’students. As age increases, their advanced comprehension makes a difference to grasp keys of other languages.Additionally, the possibility of cultural discrepancy is evident. Children may get confused on what their real culture is; they might even neglect their native culture and entirely adapt the foreign culture. Finally, native language speakers are the most effective teachers to help primary students learn a new language; however there are few native speakers or most of them are also just taught. Thus, they may struggle with helping children learn to speak the language comfortably.This paragraph discuss the side you do not slantStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided one necessary contention and supportingdetails, but still needs to provide two more contentionswith their supporting detailsCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evident, despite the errorswith the structureV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided two morenecessary contention along with their supporting detailsto complete your paragraph and also make it profound.However, benefits of learning early outweigh that of learning late. First of all, it is widely accepted that children whose age are under 10 is at their best stage of language study according to countless surveys. Children who access to foreign language at the informative stage of their age are fast learners. Secondly, the earlier we start learning, the longer time can be spent on foreign language’s study. Those who accept language at primary school would have more years to get better commandof foreign language. Last but not least is about their interest. Children exposed toforeign language at primary school tend to cultivate more enthusiasm which isbeneficial for their following study.This paragraph discuss that learning foreign language at early age brings more advantagesStructure You were able to present the generalization, and you alsoprovided enough contentions and supporting ideas, Coherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Modify your paragraph with the provided modificationsand alterations to make it more profoundLastly, let us review your conclusionIn summary, the positive sides of learning foreign language from primary school outweigh its negative sides. I personally believe that training from primary school is a better choice. It is high time that we should create a foreign language learning atmosphere for children as early as possible.Structure You were able to ingeminate your stand, and put forwarda suggestionCoherence and Cohesion Coherence and correlation is evidentV ocabulary Adequate vocabulary collocations were utilized Grammar Adequate range of structure was utilizedNotes and Suggestions Conclusion is okayTo teacher:Could you please tell me my mistakes as detailed as possible?I have almost no idea about the whole structure of the article,the length of every paragraph,the vocabulary’s diversity and whether my bullet points are appropriate and clear or not.Thank you so much.Yours sincerely,SerenaDear Serena,You got the topic, although your ideas are not enough. Basically, your essay should have 250 words or more but you had less, you typically lack idea on the other point of the topic, so that is where I really needed to add two more necessary contention to make your essay and paragraph complete. A friendly reminder advice dear, every time you make your essay, you should research on former essay having the same topic to gather information and details. Or do what I do sometimes, I search for the basics, like for example, in this topic I search for the disadvantages/advantages of learning foreig n language at early age… there I will read and form my ideas… ☺practice more dear, and reading is really essential… the more you read the more ideas you will have… ☺Keep Learning,Larigen。