高考英语“读写任务”20-24分档作文点评与启示

高考英语“读写任务”20-24分档作文点评与启示

读写任务题:

阅读下面的短文,然后按照要求写一篇150词左右的英文短文。

Jackie is perhaps the most easily annoyed koala(考拉 at the Featherdale Wildlife Park in southern Australia. All the koalas there are unhappy and complaining. You would be too if you were used to night activities and someone kept waking you up all day while you were trying to sleep it off. That`s right--sleep it off. The average koala is always half asleep because it feeds on the leaves of a special kind that makes it sleepy.

The reason Jackie and her fellow koalas are repeatedly awoken from their deep sleep is so they can be hugged and photographed by tourists, who make the trips to Featherdale and an increasing number of other national parks for just that special experience. Whatever department in the Aussie government in charge of such things is now moving to make the practice illegal, which is understandable. How would you react, my friend, if you were trying to sleep off a dozen times and some round, furry creature smelling of grass kept waking you?

*考拉即树袋熊

【写作内容】

1.以约30个词概括这段短文的内容;

2.然后以约120个词就“该不该禁止游客和动物拍照”进行议论,内容包括:

(1人们在参观动物园时为什么喜欢和动物拍照;

(2加入你处在那些动物的处境,你会有什么反应;

(3你认为是否应该禁止游客和动物拍照。

【写作要求】

1.在作文中可以使用自己亲身的经历或虚构的故事,也可以参考阅读材料的内容但不得直接引用原文中的句子;

2.作文中不能出现真实姓名和学校名称。

【评分标准】

概括准确,语言规范,内容合适,篇章连贯。

2

The koalas in southern Australia which are always half asleep become easily annoyed because the tourists, who want to hug and photograph with them, always wake them up from their deep sleep.

When visiting a wildlife park, people always like taking photos with the lovely animals because they want to have photos to remember this happy and unforgetale experience. Also, they want to show this moment to their friends and relatives who are also interested in those interesting animals.

However, the animals will be annoyed by this kind of actions. If I were one of these animals I would also become upset even angry with those visitors because their actions deprive my right of sleep even my freedom to enjoy my own things. There is no doubt that I would refuse to meet them.

As far as I am concerned, it is necessary to band the tourists’photographing with animals. Only in this way can the animals live a real happy and quiet life. Also, we can show our respect to the animals’freedom in this way.

本文得分21分。

得分点:

考生较好地按照题目要求和规定完成了写作任务。概括部分对事件的综述简洁明了,后文对游客行为的归因合乎逻辑,对动物心理的换位揣测也合乎情理。总的说来,文章各部分过度自然,衔接有序。考生能够使用英语较通顺地表达自己的观点和态度,语言表达干净利落,无意义的套话较少。字数也控制得比较好。

使用得当的句式、得体的选词和表达(下划线部分;少数错误在括号内标识:

1.When visiting a wildlife park, people always like taking photos with the lovely animals because they want to have photos to (help them remember this happy and unforgetale (unforgettable experience.

2.However, the animals will be annoyed by this kind of actions.

3.If I were one of these animals I would also become upset (, even angry with those visitors because their actions deprive (me of my right of (to sleep (, even my freedom to enjoy my own things.

4.Only in this way can the animals live a real happy and quiet life.

失分点:

1.概述部分没有包括政府意欲立法禁止的内容,这使得后文对于是否该禁止的讨论显得突然,失去了前因后果的背景依附。

2.语言使用问题:

第一段的“The koalas in southern Australia which are always half asleep become easily annoyed…”中的定语从句属于非限制性的,前后应加逗号与主句隔开。

第三段,If I were one of these animals I would also become upset (, even angry with those visitors because their actions deprive (me of my right of (to sleep (, even my freedom to enjoy my own things. 这里的表述句式和用词选择都很不错,但其中有些需要注意的地方。“I would also become upset (, even angry with…”中upset后面需要用逗号以表示节奏上的停顿以及语意的递进;deprive一词使用有误,该词解释为:deprive, verb, to prevent someone from having something, especially something that they need or should have.其句型搭配是:deprive somebody of something。

3.笔误和拼写问题。第二段的unforgetale为unforgettable之误,第四段的band为ban 之误。启示与提升

1.任务写作一定要有任务意识,也就是说要分析题目要求,明白写什么,为什么目的而写。这样概括部分才能做到不为概括而概括,而是为下文话题的讨论,观点的论述和展开做铺垫。

2.语言表达中句子宜精不宜繁。要避免陈词滥调和汉语式的套话,写作内容决定语言形式,构思时先有内容再有形式,而不是以空洞的套话充字数。

3.应试写作一定要留有一定时间做最后检查,以发现并纠正笔误或可以避免的其它低级错误。