【雅思作文批改】剑桥写作真题 Test4小作文批改

【雅思作文批改】剑桥写作真题 Test4小作文批改
雅思作文是雅思考试中比较难得分的部分，很多雅思考生在雅思作文上都很头疼，怎么都拿不到好的雅思作文分数，所以大家掌握一些雅思作文模板、雅思作文技巧是非常重要的。

为了让大家快速的提高雅思写作成绩，这里跟大家分享关于“【汇总】晟睿教育原创板块：雅思作文批改|雅思作文范文“的相关内容，希望大家耐心的复习，认真的准备，好好总结，到时你会发现，其实要取得雅思作文高分并没有想象中的那么难！更多雅思作文批改请关注晟睿教育-雅思作文批改栏目!
雅思作文题目：剑桥7 Test4小作文
The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
考生原文
The pie graph demonstrates units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.
As we can see in the pie graph, the production of Coal occupied the largest among these sources
in Australia, which increased dramatically from 50 units to 130 units between 1980 and 2000. Except Coal, the Hydro Power went up from 20 units to 36 units in the 2 decades. There was a downward trend of Nature Gas and Oil, bottoming at 2 units in 2000 while the production of Nature Gas was twice of Oil in 1980.
In France, there was a dramatic upward trend of Nuclear Power, peaking at 126 units in 2000. The Coal kept the same at 25 units from 1980 to 2000. At the same time, the Oil increased only 5 units. Surprisingly, the Nature Gas which was 5 times of Hydro Power in 1980(5 units) decreased dramatically, arriving at 2 units in 2000, and Hydro Power had the same production in 2000. To summarize, the total production in Australia and France both increased from 1980 to 2000. (182 words )
雅思作文批改By 晟睿教育 Anna老师
本次批改严格按照IELTS小作文评分标准进行。

IELTS小作文评分项：
TR (对提问的回应和主体论证是否切题), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准
度), LR (词汇资源)。

文末会进行总评及打分。

总评分6.0分（ TR6.0 CC5.0 GRA6.0 LR5.5）
1.内容上缺少一些（TA）：这组图看似是动态带时间段，实则是“动静结合”。

由于时间太少，单
单写上升下降会显得十分枯燥并且会显得十分的淡薄。

详见主体第二段。

2.连接词的运用良好，分段正确。

（CC评分项，比较突出）
3.虽然在数据描述上，缺乏“静态”表达的语言，但是运用的词汇，使用准确。

4.语法上可见基本的变化与从句使用，也没有出现许多语法问题。

但是弱在变化太少。

本篇中多数
的句子都是以类别作为主语，偶尔出现there be的倒装句。

可适当多加句型。

以上升为例：除了你常用的，还可以说：An increased was reported./ the period witnessed an increase. / XXX experienced an increase.。