全国英语创新大赛初赛高分作文+名师点评

陈茜

江苏省张家港市第三中学高三18班

Dear grandfather:

How are you?

I am writing to invite you to join us, in the next year, to be a volunteer in the great event, which is to hold in Shanghai. We, a generation born in the 90s in our city, have made a team to do the volunteer work. And you are welcomed by all our team members awing to your great amount of knowledge about Chinese traditions and culture. Please don't tell me you are too old to do this job. I believe you are sure to accept my invitation after reading my following explaination of the importance of the volunteer work.

Nowadays, volunteer work, which has raised public interest and concern, is becomming more and more popular throughout the world. As is known to all, volunteer work is not only meaningful but also necessary. One my personal wete, what's more, it's interesting and pleasant! It help us develop ourselves .

Firstly, for individuals, especially those young, to do volunteer work is an available way to gain social experience. By doing volunteer work, they can meet varrious people and they may run across all kinds of troubles. They however, can become mature and determined by solving these problems. You know, no pains, no gains. Also, individuals will realize that they do make a difference in someone else's life, even the whole event, the world! Their confidence can be raised and confidence is what it takes to do any job well.

For families,if you're the side that received the help of the volunteers, of couse your issue will be more easily dealt with.If you're the side who give others your hand, you will realize there exists no better way to educate your children that “a virtwre deserues amother” because you'll get the best present - smile deeply from one's heart, in the whole world.

It is a great chance for all members getting closer to each other in communities by taking part in volunteer work. Their team spirits, their co-operation will be great improued. So, why not?

The most importantly, for the whole world,for the entire human race, volunteer work will make earth a better place to live in, it is through volunteer work that we know there are so many people are willing to help others although they can't get money from it. It is through volunteer work that we know we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all families.

My dear grandfather, came on! Join us and help introduce our great Chinese culture to the world. 21 century is on open century. You can trust yourself and please trust us, too! We'll help you and we need you help! Let's make the world a better place by being a volunteer! It's a small step for us but it is a large one for the whole world!

Love you.

Your granddaughter.

专家建议：

句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。

词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。

专家点评：

文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的文化底蕴。

专家建议：

一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。

专家点评：

文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：help others就显得过于单一了~

专家建议：

建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。