读后续写

读后续写是新高考英语科目中的新题型，很多同学仍不太熟悉。今天，浙考微君邀请资深阅卷老师从2016年10月英语首考的真题切入，教大家如何复习。

首考真题回放

第二节读后续写

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

One weekend in July, Jane and her husband, Tom, had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately ,on the way an unpleasant subject came up and they started to quarrel .By the time they reached the lake ,Jane was so angry that she said to Tom,“I’m going to find a better spot for us to camp”and walked away.

With no path to follow ,Jane just walked on for quite a long time .After she had climbed to a high place ,she turned around ,hoping to see the lake .To her surprise ,she saw nothing but forest and ,far beyond ,a snow capped mountain top .She suddenly realized that she was lost.

“Tom! ”she cried. “Help! ”

No reply .If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom .Jane kept moving ,but the farther she walked ,the more confused she became .As night was beginning to fall ,Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night .Lying awake in the dark ,Jane wanted very much to be with Tom and her family .She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him.

Jane rose at the break of day,hungry and thirsty.She could hear water trickling(滴落)somewhere at a distance.Quickly she followed the sound to

a stream.To her great joy,she also saw some berry bushes.She drank and ate a few berries.Never in her life had she tasted anything better.Feeling stronger now,Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to the lake.

As she picked her way carefully along the stream,Jane heard a helicopter.Is that for me?Unfortunately,the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above.A few minutes later,another helicopter flew overhead.Jane took off

her yellow blouse,thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came back again.

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；

3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；

4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。

答题情况分析及审题建议

第一，从逻辑方面来看，大部分考生对故事的主要情节拓展基本做到了合情合理，衔接较为顺畅。但是，也有不少考生构思能力较为欠缺，无法在短时间内理清故事脉络以及写作意图，对所给的十个关键词、两段开头语中提供的线索信息没有很好利用，未实现语言交际的目的。

第二，从语言方面来看，大多数考生能做到语言的基本正确。但是很多考生仍然基础薄弱，不能用英文传达意义，出现一些低级错误。

第三，抄袭现象比较严重。抄袭的情况一般分为三类：抄自续写原文部分，抄自试卷的其他部分（如阅读题），或者之前背诵的某一段文章。由于读后续写的内容连贯性强，抄袭的同学很难浑水摸鱼，往往以零分或低分告终。

第四，内容创新不够，平淡无奇。既然是故事，需要一定的情节构思和布局，不要求考生必须出奇制胜，但也需要考生能有较清晰的逻辑思维能力和一定的创造能力，情节合情合理，达到最后的合理收官。

第五，整体卷面美观程度有待提高，行文书写体现不了语言美。

审题可从两层面入手

读后续写，可以说是英语写作的“集大成者”，它包含了“写作”、“阅读”、“分析”、“创造”。其中，最难的是合理的创造，即逻辑。那么，如何才能在故事续写中做到合理审题、合理创造呢？我们可以从结构阅读、情节阅读两个层面分析。

既然是英语阅读，那么无论是读后续写的篇章，还是阅读理解题中的文章，都应该坚持阅读的最重要一步：分析全文结构。阅读理解类的文章，主要涉及社科类，偶尔有叙事类。但是，读后续写主要以故事类文本为主，阅读理解中的结构分析法仿佛一下子失去了作用。确实，故事类文本的分析与社科类文本的分析有很大区别。故事可能在逻辑上缺乏科学性，在情节上充满跳跃性。不过，所有故事都离不开六要素：“who, when, where, what, how, why”。这才是故事的真正结构，因此考生在阅读时，不应该走马观花看情节，而应找出文章的六要素，然后将每个主要事件都用六要素串联成一句话。这样一来，冗长的故事就成了两三句，文章的结构自然水落石出。同时，考生还应该分析答题纸中已给出的两个开头句包含的主要句子结构，这样才能保证正确的写作方向。

情节是故事生命力所在，不论一个故事辞藻多么华丽，没有精妙的情节安排，词汇都成了一纸空壳。为了写出符合故事发展的“尾巴”，就必须先分析原文的情节发展方向。除了采用上文提到过的六要素分析法，在审题时还应该着重分析三个点：起因、转折、高潮。这三个点中，最重要的是起因与转折。大家或许会问：为什么高潮部分不是最重要的？因为故事高潮基本都会留给考生自己去创造，即使原文中出现了故事的高潮，那也是次要的。只有确定了故事的起因，考生才能合理推断这个起因会导致的可能结果；只有确定了故事的转折，考生才能合理地将故事发展下去。不过，在设计情节时，同样要考虑六要素，将它们串联成一句话，再将这句话添砖加瓦变成段落。

优秀范例点评

范例一

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest. Jane, exhausted and scared, lay down near a stone, missing her family at a distance. All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldn’t help crying, “Hadn’t I quarreled with Tom, walked away and climbed to the high place, I wouldn’t be trapped in this awful p lace, confronted with the danger of dying.” She regretted with endless anxiety, and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Weak as she was, she struggled to her feet, continuing searching for assistance. To her great joy, a helicopter was flying overhead again and again. Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse and spared no effort to yell so as to attract others’ attention. Fortunately, she was eventually noticed and brought into the helicopter. There, she saw her

husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief. As tightly as possible, she hugged him and was too thrilled to say anything. Besides, they agreed never to quarrel again, determining to live the life to the fullest.

【点评】

该篇作文在逻辑、语言方面做到了平衡、全面、出色。

首先，在逻辑上，该篇文章做到了合理合情：起初，主人公身陷森林，内心充满了悔恨，在面对困难时焦虑、畏惧；之后，主人公努力求生，最终获救，并且领悟到了一定的人生道理。纵观整个故事，情节发展不仅符合两段给出的开头所限定的情景要求，而且还设置了一定的悬念，增强了故事的可读性。

在语言上，这篇文章并没有一味采用大词、难词，而是在高中词汇范围内精挑细选，活用了许多小词，增加了许多阅读趣味。例如，文章第一句“an absolute darkness ruled the forest”中，“rule”一词就使用了拟人的修辞手法，让森林阴森黑暗的一面展露无遗，同时描绘出主人公身处绝境的紧迫性。在“Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse...”一句中，直接将情绪形容词放在句首，使用了非谓语动词的语法，表达精练。

此外，“There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief.”一句中，使用了几个短句，却包含了两处非谓语动词语法，同时活用了“wear”一词，把两个人相见时的场景生动地描绘了出来。

总体来说，这篇文章反映出该考生课外阅读较多，平时应有较多练笔。

范例二

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness. Rages and apprehension calmed down and exhaustions came dominating Jane as she hopelessly fell down into the soft grass. The transparent stream sounded amusing and was no longer as infuriated as the stream of her mind hours ago. She thought about Tom, memories flooding out as she closed her eyes and recalled the kindness of him. Regretfully, she fell asleep, flower singing adhering to her ears (flowers’ singing adhering to her ears).

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Sunshine embraced the forest plain, reflecting to bloom her yellow blouse to be an attractive “flower”. In her sleepy eyes, a helicopter was right in the sky. Wild with joy, she jumped up, grabbing the blouse and flourishing it while crying. The helicopter spotted her and began to land on the grass. “It’s Tom! I know he will, he will come!” A pair of astounded hand reached Jane’s cheek. “Where did you go? If something happened to you, I’ll always have it on my conscience.” They hugged more tightly. “I’m sorry.” Jane said.

【点评】

这篇文章最大的特色就是语言能力非常突出。

首先，全文使用了非常多的高级词汇，如“cluster, rage, dominate, infuriated”等等。这些词汇不仅准确地描绘出人物的动作，而且对环境描写也更为生动。不过，其词汇的使用也有一些只求大、不注意词义搭配自然程度的嫌疑，甚至有误用，如“adhere, flourish, astound”等。在修辞方面，文章多处使用拟人修辞手法，如“Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness.”以及“Sunshine embraced the forest plain.”两句中，两个动词“decorate”，“embrace”使用了拟人。在语法上，全文主要使用非谓语动词，力求用最精练的语言表达出最生动的画面。

值得一提的是，文章虽然没有使用许多句式，但却从没给读者句子重复、单调的感觉，究其原因，是作者巧妙地给每句话设置了不同的主语。另外，本文每句话采用的写作切入角度也值得研究。例如，第一段中，作者从远景（stars, sky）到近景（stream），再到细节特写（ears），勾勒出了故事发生的不同场景，让故事显得有血有肉，情节丰满，这也成为了文章逻辑上的出彩点。

范例三

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Desperate and hopeless, Janeknelt down, tears streaming down her face. Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble. However, she had no alternative but pace back and forth in the forest. It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tomto attend to, anyway, she should try her best to find the lake. After seemingly a long time, Jane felt tired and lay down in the darkness.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She picked up the confidence and slowly walked along the stream. To her great joy, she eventually arrived at an open area. Praying that the helicopterwill come back again, Jane sat down. After what seemed a long time, she could hear a voice somewhere at a distance. With her eyes sparkling, she struggled to her feet and shouted, “I’m here!” To her surprise, it was Tom. Upon seeing Jane, Tom immediately rushed out to her, folding his arms around her.

【点评】

首先，在逻辑上，文章前半段对剧情的合理拓展非常符合情境：主人公从悔恨到无奈，最终鼓起勇气寻找出路。情节的丰富曲折增强了故事的可读性。

在语言方面，文章使用了多种句型，如“Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble.”一句使用了倒装句；“It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tom to attend to.”一句用了主语从句；“Praying that the helicopter will come back again, Jane sat down.”一句使用了非谓语动词。句型的多变避免了句子的单调乏味，使文章更有灵性。同时，一些词汇的使用也使文章比较生动，例如“Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tear streaming down her face.”一句中，“stream”的使用非常贴切。

范例四

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Janewas quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation. She could do nothing but keep on going to find an open place, praying that the helicopterwould come again. Nevertheless, there was not a soul in sight and everything was so dead-looking. Being in the depth of despair, Jane tried in vain to keep back her tears and promised herself that she would by no means quarrel with Tomagain. So weak was Jane that she lay on the ground and fell asleep again.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her great joy, a helicopter was just right over her head. She yelled with all her strength in a desperate attempt to free herself. This time, luckily, Jane was spotted and ultimately saved by the people in the helicopter. Then she was sent to the local police station. At the front door stood her dear husband who suffered great anxiety when Jane was nowhere to be found. Tears of joy and relief welled up as they finally held each

other tightly. Jane’s yellow b lousewas badly worn out but that’s no big deal. What was more significant was that they started to know that toleration would always be the best policy.

【点评】

该作文最大的亮点在于其语言的地道性。从文中使用了“at a loss”，“in a desperate attempt”，“spot”，“worn out”等词。同时，该考生的组句能力也非常出色。文章中出现了多个长句、复杂句，例如“Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Jane was quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation.”一句中，非谓语动词是其中的亮点语法，表达了人物当时的身体状况。

值得一提的是，该篇作文中没有一处出现人物对话，但仍然保证了故事的可读性与真实感。为何？因为作者对故事的各个情境、人物的动作、心理活动等方面都进行了细致入微的描绘，代替了语言相对简单的对话，反而让文章的语言显得更书面化。这一点，值得各位考生借鉴——人物对话写得越多，意味着作文的口语程度越高，往往不太容易得分，如果犯错，却容易失分，所以不太建议用大量对话。

考场写作注意三点

审题：逻辑与情节的碰撞

读后续写作为新题型，对学生的审题在量与质两方面提出了前所未有的复杂要求。面对长篇文章，许多考生第一想法是直接下手阅读，但是，我们在分析叙事篇章时，应该先追本溯源，明确其写作六要素。不论故事多么复杂，都可以把其中的主要事件用六要素串联成单句。

再来谈谈情节。根据情节逻辑的发展，在合理合情的范围内发散故事情节，用短句或关键词写下故事剩余部分的大事件：转折点、高潮、结局。这样一来，故事的骨架就设立起来了，在之后的写作过程中，考生能避免写偏写怪。例如：

第一段：“No more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.” 可以理解成作者的陈述，也可以当成Jane对形势的判断，故接下来续写:a) Jane如何吃饱如何找到安全的地方休息，如何满心失望与后悔并鼓励自己坚持下去。b) Jane放弃直升机营救，在月光等条件允许下沿着stream继续走，试图走到lake。

无论a还是b，Jane都在不安与期待中入睡。

第二段：a)Jane获救，可以是直升机方式，也可以是走到lake见到Tom, 还可以半路上见到Tom所在的救援队；当然，最好的方式是直升机营救。b）获救时的表情、动作与心情也重点描绘。c）结尾可作简短的点题。

如果是摔倒，体力不支昏迷，可以第二段写人在医院或家里。

读后续写中还有一个新颖、重要的要求：选择五个及以上下划线词。我们可以按照以下方法选择下划线词：⑴将每个下划线词与六要素一一对应；⑵找出who, what, how对应的下划线词，这些词就是文章的主干信息点，考生应该尽量多选择这些词汇，易于后文的故事组织。

写作：坚持信、达、雅

“信、达、雅”分别指逻辑准确、词句正确、语言优美。逻辑方面，我们已经在上文深入分析过。那么如何做到词句正确、语言优美？

⑴词句正确：词性词形不可乱

典型的词性词形错误有：动词与名词混用，形容词与副词混用，动词单数形式错用，动词时态错用，名词单复数形式错用。

例如：①because she want to… ; ② Jane want to wait; ③But she succeed; ④She flag her yellow blouse at a distance ;⑤ She hold him and tell him how much she loved him.; ⑥Ehausted, she fall asleep.

正确版：① because she wanted to…; ② Jane wanted to wait; ③ But she succeeded; ④She flagged her yellow blouse at a distance; ⑤ She held him and told him how much she loved him; ⑥ Exhausted, she fell asleep.

⑵语言优美：大词用对、小词用活

例如“Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the

moon-eclipsed darkness.”一眼看过去，这句话非常出色。语法上使用了非谓语动词；语言上使用了许多大词，如“cluster, eclipse”。不过，大词虽好，应注意正确性，小词虽普通，却也能画龙点睛。如单词“weakly”就是点睛之笔。“weakly”本意为“虚弱地”，在该句中表达的是星星隐隐闪现的景象。

复查：语言、逻辑、规范

写后复查是作文的保险杠，复查主要应关注时态、句型、逻辑、标点等问题。检查句型时，考生应侧重句子的语法与语气检查，一定要分析句子主干是否完整，同时，句子的肯定、否定等语气也需要仔细检查。

逻辑的检查也是必不可少的环节。要注意在上下文中选用合适的逻辑连词。需要指出的是，语义的连贯也是逻辑顺畅的表现。如果在短短的上下文中大量采用逻辑连词，反而可能生硬牵强。标点的正确书写也很容易被忽视。逗号与句号的清晰书写也是需要考生关注的。

另外，需要仔细检查其他的一致性，如人称的一致性、单复数的一致性。

最后需要强调下划线词语的选用、字数控制和卷面整洁等问题。