英文笑话
英文笑话大全 带翻译
英文笑话大全带翻译A Collection of English Jokes with Translation。
Humor is a universal language that can bring people together and brighten up their day. In this article, we have compiled a collection of English jokes with translations to help you understand the humor and improve your English skills.1. Why did the tomato turn red?Because it saw the salad dressing!为什么番茄变红了？因为它看到了沙拉酱！2. What do you call a fake noodle?An impasta!你怎么称呼假面条？冒牌货！3. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!为什么咖啡要报警？它被抢劫了！4. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!穿着马甲的鳄鱼怎么称呼？侦探！5. Why did the math book look so sad?Because it had too many problems!为什么数学书看起来很伤心？因为它有太多问题！6. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!怎么称呼一个有六块腹肌的雪人？腹肌雪人！7. Why did the scarecrow win an award?Because he was outstanding in his field!为什么稻草人获得了奖项？因为他在自己的领域非常出色！8. What do you call a bear with no teeth?A gummy bear!没有牙齿的熊怎么称呼？软糖熊！9. Why don't scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!为什么科学家不信任原子？因为它们构成了一切！10. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?A stick!怎么称呼不会回来的回旋镖？棍子！11. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!为什么鸡要穿过游乐场？为了到达另一侧的滑梯！12. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated!怎么称呼戴着领结的鱼？Sofishticated（优雅的）！13. Why did the bicycle fall over?Because it was two-tired!为什么自行车会倒下？因为它太累了！14. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?A can't opener!怎么称呼不能开罐头的开罐器？不能开罐头器！15. Why did the tomato turn green?Because it was unripe!为什么番茄变绿了？因为它还没有成熟！16. What do you call a bear with no ears?B!没有耳朵的熊怎么称呼？B！17. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?Because it felt crummy!为什么饼干要去看医生？因为它感觉很差！18. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?A thesaurus!怎么称呼有广泛词汇量的恐龙？词汇表！19. Why did the banana go to the doctor?Because it wasn't peeling well!为什么香蕉要去看医生？因为它剥皮不顺！20. What do you call a fake rock?A shamrock!怎么称呼假石头？三叶草！We hope these jokes brought a smile to your face and helped you improve your English skills. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so keep these jokes in mind for the next time you need a good laugh!。
[好笑的英文小笑话大全] 英文笑话大全 爆笑
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[好笑的英文小笑话大全] 英文笑话大全爆笑各位读友大家好，此文档由网络收集而来，欢迎您下载，谢谢笑话是幽默的语言表达。
它是一种常见的幽默传达方式。
笑话是口头或者书面的幽默语言。
小编精心收集了好笑的英文小笑话，供大家欣赏学习!好笑的英文小笑话篇1Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhemto ensue.三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!The store on the left raised biggersigns proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。
好笑的英文小笑话篇2A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face.一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。
A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor hasjust told me I’ll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。
英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话英语幽默笑话（精选15篇） 在繁忙的学习⼯作中，适时读⼀些幽默笑话，放松⾃⼰，劳逸结合⼗分重要。
下⾯是⼩编为你整理的⼏则英语幽默精彩段⼦，让你笑到停不下来 英语幽默笑话篇1 ⼀、我是单⾝汉 Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked."Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor." 杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.⼀位年轻美貌的护⼠拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护⼠问."有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单⾝汉." ⼆、死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭 Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho. Husband:It's okey.To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals. 妻⼦：你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的⼈80%都是喝酒的. 丈夫：那有什么?据我调查,死于肝癌的⼈100%都吃饭的. 三、位置上的冰激凌 "Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine." "Yours?Can you prove it?" "Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it." "请原谅,你占了我的位置." "你的位置?你能征明这点吗?" "能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌." 四、别⽆选择 One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?" Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?" ⼀天,夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗?" 亚当⽆可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗?" 五、两个男孩 Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?" One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. 当⽼师⾛进教室时,两个男孩在争论. ⽼师是说：你们在争论什么? ⼀个男孩回答：‘我们捡到⼀张10块,我们决定把它给⼀个说最⼤的谎的⼈.’ ‘你们应该觉得羞耻’⽼师说,‘当我像你们那么⼤的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道.’ 两个男孩把钱给了那个⽼师. 六、两只鸟 Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which? Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher:Please tell us. Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. ⽼师：这⼉有两只鸟,⼀只是⿇雀.谁能指出哪只是燕⼦,哪只是⿇雀吗? 学⽣：我指不出,但我知道答案. ⽼师：请说说看. 学⽣：燕⼦旁边的`就是⿇雀,⿇雀旁边的就是燕⼦. 七、鱼⽹ "Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. "你能告诉我鱼⽹是什么做的吗," ⽼师发问道. "把许多⼩孔⽤绳⼦栓在⼀起就成了鱼⽹了." ⼩⼥孩回答道. ⼋、他赢了 Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼,你⼩弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事⼉? 约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把⾝⼦探出窗外最远,他赢了. 选我吧 英语幽默笑话篇2 ⼼不在焉的⽼师 An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street withone foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.” 有⼀天，⼈们看见⼀个有名的⼼不在焉的⽼师在路上⾛，他的⼀只脚⼀直踏在街沟⾥，另⼀只脚踩在⼈⾏道上。
简单的英文笑话
简单的英文笑话推荐文章简单的英文小笑话短文热度：简单英文优秀的小笑话热度：幼儿英文简单小笑话带翻译热度：英文简单笑话带翻译欣赏热度：英文简单笑话带翻译欣赏热度：笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”，下面店铺为大家带来简单的英文笑话，供大家阅读!简单的英文笑话1：A tricky girl said, "Mom,I got a one hundred in school today!一个狡猾的女孩说："妈妈，我今天在学校得了一个100分!"The mom replied, "Great,SW8etie,tell me about it."妈妈回答说："太好了，小可爱。
跟我说说情况."The girl reluctantly said,"Well,I got a twenty in math,a thirty in history and a fifty in spelling."这个女孩不情愿地说："嗯，我数学得了20分，历史得了30分,拼写得了50分。
简单的英文笑话2：A father told his son，"When Lincoln was your age he walked ten miles to school every day."一个父亲告诉他的儿子："当林肯在你这个年纪的时候，他每天走10里路去上学。
“The kid replied, "Well, when he was your age,he was president!"弦子同答.”嗯，当他在你这个年纪时，已经是总统了。
简单的英文笑话3：A cult leader claimed that he survived on air.有一个教派的领导者宣称，他靠空气就能存活。
A doubter said, "I saw you eating French fries at McDonald's yesterday."一个表示怀疑的人说：”我昨天还看到你在麦当劳吃暮条。
关于英文笑话故事5篇_英语的笑话故事简短
关于英文笑话故事5篇_英语的笑话故事简短关于英文笑话故事5篇关于英文笑话故事篇一alieMom:"Whichbananadoyouwant,Victor"Victor:"Iwantthatoneofthegr eatet."Mom:"Victor,youhouldbepolite,tohavethatlittleone."Victor: "Mom,Imutlietobepolite"妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多”维克多：“我要那只最大的。
”妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。
”维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗”关于英文笑话故事篇二TwoBird两只鸟Teacher:Herearetwobird,oneiawallow,theotheriparrow.Nowwhocantell uwhichiwhichStudent:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanwer.Teacher:Plea etellu.Student:Thewallowibeidetheparrowandtheparrowibeidethewall ow.老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。
谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
关于英文笑话故事篇三WhoItheLaziet谁最懒Father:Well,Tom,Iakedtoyourteachertoday,andnowIwanttoakyouaqueti on.WhoithelazietperoninyourclaTom:Idon"tknow,father.Father:Oh,ye,youdo!Think!Whenotherboyandgirlaredoingandwriting,whoitinthecla andonlywatchehowotherpeopleworkTom:Ourteacher,father.父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。
有趣的英文笑话
有趣的英文笑话忙碌的生活中，适时阅读一些有趣的英文笑话，能够很好地放松我们生活的压力，下面店铺为大家带来有趣的英文笑话，希望大家喜欢!有趣的英文笑话1：A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible, " she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”一位年轻的丈夫下班回到家里，发现新娘心烦意乱。
“我心里太难受了，她说，我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。
”"Forget It,n"said her husband. "Remember that l've got an extra pair of pants for that suit.“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说，你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。
"Yes,”said t he woman.cheering up. "And it's luckY you have.I used another pants to patch the hole."”是的，“妻子高兴地说，幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。
有趣的英文笑话2：On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap,disposable model. Sal asked the owner, ¨Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。
英语搞笑笑话8篇
英语搞笑笑话8篇下面是店铺整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读!英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。
来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。
吃点东西就会好的。
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。
英语搞笑笑话：Fried chickenIn class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。
然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。
十个英语笑话爆笑超短
十个英语笑话爆笑超短1、What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home2、"What is the thinnest book in the world? ""What men know about women."""3、"苦命的salesman An insect repellent salesman tried to sell his product to a farmer. He said he wasn""t interested because he hadn""t seen any bugs or insects on his farm for years. The salesman indicated he had a wife and four kids and really needed the money. The......"4、"运动世家A German, Englishman and American are traveling ona train. They get bored and start telling each other about their families. The German says I have 4 kids, one more and they""ll make a basketball team. The Englishman says huh!Thats nothing, I have 10 boys,&nbs......"5、"FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die."6、"Revealing Gift Test Which gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you""d most like to receive."7、"A SWEET POEM It means that... You""re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the writtenword. OR You""re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the w......"8、"A married couple on the farm are visited by an alien couple. The alien couple asked the human couple if they would like to swap partners for sex.They agree, the human woman and alien man are together. She says, ""You have a small penis!""The alien man replies, ""pull my ears!""......A man enters a barber shop for a shave.While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.""I have just the thing,"" says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. ""Just place this between your cheek and gum.""......"9、"A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. ""Screw me or climb the ladder to success,"" she said......."10、"同学是某偏远地区的，英语发音一直不标准，老师英文也是发不准，所以学生更是一口地道的土腔英语。
学习简单的英文笑话
学习简单的英文笑话英语作为一门国际语言，对于日常交流和职场发展都有着重要的作用。
除了学习英文的正式语言和用法，学习一些简单的英文笑话也是很有趣和有助于提高英语水平的方式。
下面将分享一些简单的英文笑话，希望能给大家带来欢乐和学习的动力。
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award?Because he was outstanding in his field!为什么稻草人获得了奖项？因为他在自己的领域表现出色！2. I used to play piano by ear.Now I use my hands.以前我靠听力弹钢琴。
现在我靠双手弹。
3. Why don't scientists trust atoms?Because they make up everything!为什么科学家不相信原子？因为它们构成了一切！4. How do you organize a space party?You just planet!怎样才能办一个太空派对？你只要把行星安排好！5. What did one wall say to the other wall?I'll meet you at the corner!一堵墙对另一堵墙说什么？我将在拐角处与你会面！6. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?It was two-tired!自行车为什么不能独立站立？因为它累了！7. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!被踩到的葡萄说了什么？什么都没有，它只是流出了一点葡萄酒！8. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?Nothing, they just waved!一个海洋对另一个海洋说什么？什么都没有，它们只是挥手示意！这些简单的英文笑话不仅语言简洁幽默，而且可以帮助我们理解英语中的双关语和幽默元素。
很好笑的英文笑话
很好笑的英文笑话很好笑的英文笑话笑一笑十年少，有时候正儿八经的说笑话却觉得不好笑，可是一个很冷的笑话却能让自己笑良久，你有这样的经历么?现在，一起来开心爆笑下吧!很好笑的英文笑话一：SkunkWe have a skunk in the basement, shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. How can we get it out?Take some bread crumbs, said the dispatcher, and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open. Sometime later the resident called back. Did you get rid of it? asked the dispatcher.No, replied the caller. Now I have two skunks in there!臭鼬我们的.地下室里有一只臭鼬，打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。
我们怎样才能把它弄出来?弄一些面包屑，调度员说，从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。
然后将地下室的门打开。
一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。
你们将它弄出来了吗?调度员问。
没有，打电话的人答道，现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。
很好笑的英文笑话二：THOSE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PETSA man walks into a bar and says Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack. The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says Another.The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says Another.As the bartender pours the third glass he says, Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?The man says, Ten years, ten years I’ve been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.The bartender says Geez, what did you say.The man says I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!很好笑的英文笑话三：上帝曾经答应我Once God came up to me and granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That’s impossible, he said.Then I asked him to give you brains. He said, Let me try world peace.有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。
英语小笑话带翻译
英语小笑话带翻译英语小笑话带翻译（精选12篇）笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。
下面是店铺为大家整理的关于英语的小笑话带翻译，欢迎大家的阅读。
英语小笑话带翻译篇1He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。
干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
英语小笑话带翻译篇2Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
英语笑话多则(中英文双语)
英语笑话多则（中英文双语）你远看像个要饭的，近看像个捡破烂的，仔细一看，原来是个看短消息的。
From a long ditance,you looks like a beggar;from a short distance,you looks like somebody who is picking ods and ends from refuse heaps;but if I give a careful look,in fact you are looking at the short message of your mobile phone.“何谓祸不单行？”“未婚妈妈生生双双胞！”"What does it mean that misfortunes never come singly?""The unmaried mother gave birth to the twins."天下雨了是云儿哭了，爱人走了是爱情输了，风儿累了是要去睡了，夕阳醉了是要下坠了，看短信的小猪傻哈哈地笑了。
It's raining for the cloud is crying;the lover goes away for the love loses;the wind stops for it is tired;the sun is setting for it is drunk;the piggy is laughing for it is looking at the short messages.我非常喜欢你！所以很想泡你！但一直没有机会，直到......直到水开为止。
车仔牌乌龙茶包，我喜欢。
I like yo very much,so I want to steep you.But there is lack of opportunity,until the water is boiling.The woolong tea with Chezai brand.如果上天再给我一次机会的话，我会对你说：得了吧，让我歇歇吧！If the glory God gives me another chance,I will say to you:"Just drop the matter,let me take a rest."你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑陋并非你的本意，如果没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽。
简短英语笑话带翻译三篇
【导语】笑话⼀般指短⼩、滑稽的故事,是⼀种民间⼝头创作形式,在民间⽂化中以⼝⼝相传的形式传播。
以下是由整理了简单的中英⽂对照英语笑话，欢迎阅读!【篇⼀】简短英语笑话带翻译 Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? Gerald: I'd much rather have the half. Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why. Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths. ⽼师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是⼗分之五个柑橘? 杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
⽼师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成⼗分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。
【篇⼆】简短英语笑话带翻译 One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." ⼀位学⽣对另⼀位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样?” “很好，我过去不懂英国⼈说话，可现在是英国⼈不懂我的话了。
” 简单的中英⽂对照英语笑话：Get to the hospital 医院要怎么⾛ An absent-minded person was standing in the middle of a busy intersection where a policeman was directing traffic, and he kept bugging the policeman because he was confused. "Excuse me, Officer! Can you tell me how to get to the hospital?" The officer was very busy and said, "Just stand here and you'll get there!" 有个很健忘的⼈站在车⽔马龙的⼗字路⼝正中央，那⾥有个警察正忙着指挥交通，⽽他不断地去⼲扰这位值勤的警员，因为他搞不清楚⽅向。
经典英语笑话6篇
经典英语笑话6篇英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。
下面是店铺整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!英语笑话一：我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "Mywife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,and my daughter is foreign secretary.""Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is yourposition?""I’m the people. All I do is pay."布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。
我妻子是财政部长。
我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。
”“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”“我就是老百姓。
我要做的一切就是付钱。
”英语笑话二：喂狗 For the DogThe family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter."My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?""Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。
关于英语的笑话_经典四则_英语笑话
关于英语的笑话-经典四则1.一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer （计程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”2.话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。
A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。
A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM后羿！」B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。
就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」3.某人刻苦学xi英语，终有小成。
一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.4.某男，粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex。
该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week“。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.“该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female“，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?“男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”。
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Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。
”Nest and HairMy sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom."What kind of bird?" my sister asked."I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child."Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "Notes:(1) inform v.告诉(2) nest n.窝；巢(3) description n.描述(4) encourage v.鼓励(5) resemble v. 相似；类似18.鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。
一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。
”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。
”I've Just Bitten My Tongue"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?""Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "Notes:(1) poisonous adj.有毒的(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。
句中Cause 是Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。
”A Woman Who FellIt was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"摔倒的女人上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。
接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。
她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。
我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。
她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”英语笑话（一）Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
这个答案很有意思吧？Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?A: By treading on his corn?如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。
你说呢？Q: What do people do in a clock factory?A: They make faces all day.一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?A: Keep him awake.怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。
虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）He is really somebody-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.他真是一个大人物-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。
干什么的？-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。
这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
”英语笑话（四）my little dog can't readMrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.我的狗不识字布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。
”英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.-- Well, bring me the winner then.给我那个打赢的吧-- 服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot?""Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"。