哈佛大学幸福课21课中英文双语字幕笔记

Harvard Positive Psychology 21

Relationship and Self-esteem

You know this story about Gertrude Stein, and she was taking philosophy class with William James, right here in the Art.

你们都听过格特鲁德.斯泰因的这个故事，她那时上William James的哲学课，就在哈佛拉德克利夫学院。

And they had their final exam. And it was spring semester course. And she comes into the exam. And it’s a day like today.

要期末考试了，她上的是春季班，她来到考场，就跟今天一样是个晴朗的日子。

And the exam is about metaphysics, and the meaning of life. So she ope ns the exam and writes, “Today is too beautifu l a day to take an exam.” And she walks out.

于是她打开试卷，写道：“多么美好的一天，不应该浪费在考试上。”然后走出了教室。

And you know, as legend has it of course she gets a straight A in William James’ class.

而且传说William James的课程她全A通过。

Don’t use that as an example or an excuse later on in this semester. But I really appreciate you being here today.

本学期考试时不要学她或者拿她当借口，不过我真的很感谢各位今天出席。

It is a beautiful day, I was thinking of having the class outside, but I think…maybe we should. Yeah.

今天天气非常好，我想过要到户外上课的，不过...也许我们应该去的，是的。

What we are going to do today is finish up on relationships, we have just a little to go, and then start with our final topic for the course, which is self-esteem.

今天我们要讲完爱情，还差一点就讲完了，然后我们会开始讲本课程最后一个话题，也就是自尊。

So let me just recap what we did when we discussed relationships.

先回顾一下上回讲到的关于爱情的内容。

So we talked about how do we given our natures, how do we attain, how do we sustain lasting love, lasting passion when it seems on the physiological level at least, that our natures are not attuned to that

approach.

先回顾一下上回讲到的关于爱情的内容。我讲到了人类要如何...考虑到人的本性，人类要如何获得，维持长久的爱情与激情，因为从心理学角度看，这似乎有违人的本性。

And we talked about when studying the best relationships, the “tip of the stem” four characteristics, based on the work of David Schnarch and John Gottman.

当我们讲到研究那些最成功的恋情时，最成功的恋情有四个特点，根据David Schnarch和John Gottman的研究发现的。

The first one is: relationship is the hard work. It’s an illusion to think that the most important thing is finding the right relationship. It is more important to cultivate that one chosen relationship.

第一条是：经营爱情需要付出努力。人们往往误以为寻找最合适的爱情对象是最重要的，其实更重要的是如何经营你选择的爱情。

And just like we would not thrive, succeed at work, if we said, ”Well, I just found my dream job.” And the put our legs up and relax.

就跟工作一样，如果我们找到了梦想中的工作，然后翘起腿，什么也不做，是不可能成功的。

Similarly we would not thrive in a relationship, if we have the finding mindset. We just need to find it and we will live happily ever after, as we talked about movies and where love begins.

同样的，如果我们在一段恋情中抱有寻找心态，我们的恋情也不会成功。以为只要找到爱情就能幸福地生活下去，我们说过，电影结束时，正是爱情刚开始时。

The second component of a healthy, lasting and passionate relationship related to the first one is the notion of being known rather than being validated.

一段健康长久充满激情的爱情中的第二个组成部分，跟第一个有关联，我们要被了解，而不是被认可。

Expressing rather than impressing, being open, revealing our weaknesses as well as our strengths, our desires, our passions, our passions, our fears and insecurities.

表达自己，而不是粉饰自己，坦开心扉，坦诚自己的弱点，优点，渴望，热情，恐惧与不安。

And relationships that do, or partners that do that within a relationship, over time attain higher and higher levels of intimacy, happiness, and they thrive, and they remain maintain their passion, this is the second