耶鲁大学心理学导论(第九课)

心理学导论第九课很高兴为大家介绍I'm delighted to introduce the first guest lecture心理学导论课程的首位客座讲师for this introduction to psychology course, 彼得·萨洛维院长Dean Peter Salovey.彼得是我的一位老朋友老同事Peter is an old friend and colleague.在座许多人我想应该是在座所有人Many of you--I think everybody here都知道他是耶鲁学院的院长knows through his role of him as dean of Yale College.在介绍中我想提一下I'll just, in this context of this introduction,关于他的另外两件事mention two other things about him.首先无论是做院长之前 One is prior to being dean还是当了院长之后and in fact, still as a dean,他一直是个活跃的科学家he's an active scientist尤其是作为一位社会心理学家and in particular, and in particular, a social psychologist他积极地参与对健康心理学的研究actively involved in studying health psychology,以及对如何适当运用心理学方法the proper use of psychological methods来确定健康信息to frame health messages,他还创立并发展了and also is the founder and developer情商这一概念of the idea of emotional intelligence,他对情商进行了大量研究an idea he's done a huge amount of research on.其次彼得一直以来都是耶鲁学院的Secondly, Peter is or was an active and extremely well-known teacher一位活跃的非常知名的教师at Yale College.他曾讲授过耶鲁学院有史以来He taught at one point, the largest course ever 人数最多的课程in Yale College,一门关于法律中心理学的课程a course on psychology in law这门课打破了这里的所有记录which broke every record ever had here.他可以说是一位前无古人后无来者的And before that, during that, and after that, 具有传奇色彩的心理学导论老师he was a legendary introduction to psychology teacher.说他是传奇人物是有一定道理的 And I think--and he had some reason for why he was so legendary今天就欢迎他来为我们讲述爱情with his lecture today on the topic of love.非常感谢Thanks very much.好了吗Is that ok?好的 Okay.非常感谢布罗姆教授Thank you very much, professor Bloom.很高兴今天能来这里给大家做讲座It really is a pleasure to come and lecture to you today今天是情人节我们的主题是"爱"on Valentine's day on the topic of love.我的主要研究领域是人类情感My main area of research is human emotion.爱是一种情感 And love is an emotion.但我并不是针对个人进行研究It's not one that I study personally,至少不是在实验室里进行研究 at least not in the lab, and不过聊起来很有意思--but it is fun to talk about.这个主题也适用于理解And it is a topic that lends itself to许多社会心理学现象many social psychological phenomena.能来这里进行客座演讲也很棒It's also great to be able to come in and guest lecture.自从当了院长我很怀念的一件事One of the things I very much miss since serving as dean就是讲授心理学110课程is the opportunity to teach psychology 110.尽管我喜欢当院长And although I love being dean,但我真的很怀念讲授心理学导论课的日子I do miss teaching introductory psychology,怀念让人们接触到the feeling of exposing people to ideas他们从未听过的观点时的那种感觉that maybe you hadn't heard before.我估计这场讲座中要谈到的一些观点Well, I suspect some of the ideas in this talk 你们可能从未听说过 you'll have not heard before而由于种种原因and for a variety of reasons,大家在今天的讲座中要注意几点a couple of the things you'll notice is今天我谈到的一些实验that some of the experiments I'll talk about today现在已经不能再进行了are not the kinds of experiments that can be done anymore.这些实验在伦理上被认为是不可接受的They're not considered ethically acceptable但在五六十年代及七十年代早期都有进行but they were done in the fifties and sixties and early seventies因为当时伦理标准不同 when ethical standards were different因此我们可以讲授那些实验and so we can teach them.但我无法让你们像We just can't give you the same experiences当时那些大学生一样that some of the college students that进行同样的实验we'll talk about today in these studies had.我还要提到的一点就是The other thing I will mention is that许多有关浪漫爱情的心理学研究there is a certain androcentric and heterosexual quality都是以男性为中心且具有异性恋的特点to much of the social psychological research on romantic love.在实验中你们会看到这一点You'll see that in the experiments.通常被试为男性Usually, the participants are men and而女性往往是实验目标usually the targets are women in these experiments.我并不认为这是研究爱情的唯一方法I'm not endorsing this as the only way to study love.只不过恰巧这些实验都是这么做的It just happens to be the way these experimentswere done所以我在开始前提醒大家注意这点and so I mention this caution right from the beginning.我们必须思考We'll have to think about大家需要思考的一件事就是one of the things you should think about is你们认为这些实验能否推广到do you think these experiments generalized to 其他类型的二人关系之中呢other kinds of dyadic relationships.这个问题And that's a question that整场演讲中你都应该进行思考I think you can ask throughout this lecture.好的那我们开始吧Okay. So let's get started.首先我想And to start things off I think我们需要思考一个定义what we need to do is consider a definition.我将会给爱一个定义I'm going to define what love is不过接下来要谈到的大部分实验but then most of the experiments I'm going to talk about其实主要是关于吸引而不是爱are really focused more on attraction than love 两人互相感兴趣who finds each other of romantic interest进而可能会发展成一段恋爱关系that might then develop into a love relationship.不过我们还是从对爱的定义开始吧But let's start with a definition of love.我将采用一位前同事的定义And I'm going to pick a definition from a former colleague,罗伯特·斯滕伯格 Robert Sternberg,他现在是塔夫斯大学的院长who is now the dean at Tufts University不过他曾在耶鲁任教在心理学院这里but was here on our faculty at Yale教了将近三十年for nearly thirty years or so.他所提出的爱的理论认为And he has a theory of love that argues爱由三个成分组成that love is made of three components亲密激情与承诺intimacy, passion, and commitment,承诺有时也称决心或承诺or what is sometimes called decision/commitment.这个定义相对来说很直白And these are relatively straightforward.他认为如果你没有同时具备这三要素He argued that you don't have love你并没有体验到爱if you don't have all three of these elements.亲密就是亲近的感觉Intimacy is the feeling of closeness,与某人沟通相互结合of connectedness with someone, of bonding.从行为上说亲密就是你们分享秘密Operationally, you could think of intimacy as you share secrets,你只和这个人分享信息You share information with this person that而不和别人分享you don't share with anybody else.这就是亲密Okay. That's really what intimacy is,结合源于你们之间信息的分享the bond that comes from sharing information而这些秘密是你不会与他人所分享的that isn't shared with other with many other people.第二个因素是激情Second element is passion.激情的定义因人而异Passion is what you think it is.激情就是我们可以说是Passion is the--we would say把我们引向浪漫爱情的驱力the drive that leads to romance.你可以当它是生理吸引或者是性爱You can think of it as physical attraction or sex.斯滕伯格认为And Sternberg argues that这是恋爱关系中必不可少的一个因素this is a required component of a love relationship.当然在卡尔洪学院洗澡It is not, however, a required component可没必要非得有激情of taking a shower in Calhoun College.斯滕伯格的爱情理论中第三个因素是The third element of love in Sternberg's theory is他所说的决心或承诺what he calls decision or commitment.决心就是一个人处于一段恋爱关系中The decision that one is in a love relationship,愿意为这段关系贴上恋爱标签the willingness to label it as such,做出承诺来维持这段关系and a commitment to maintain that relationship至少持续一段时间at least for some period of time.斯滕伯格认为 Sternberg would argue如果你不称这种感情为爱情it's not love if you don't call it love,如果你没有保持这段关系的欲望and if you don't have some desire那这种感情就不是爱情to maintain the relationship.因此如果你具备了这三个因素So if you have all three of these,亲密激情和承诺 intimacy, passion and commitment,按斯滕伯格的理论你就有爱情了in Sternberg's theory you have love.该理论有趣的地方就在于Now what's interesting about the theory is如果你只有三要素中的一点what do you have if you only have one或只有两点又算什么呢out of three or two out of three?如果你具备三点中的两点What do you have那会是什么感情and how is it different又与爱情有什么不同if you have a different two out of three?这些就是这种理论These are--what's interesting about有趣之处就在于this kind of theorizing is it give它能形成许多不同的排列组合it gives rise to many different permutations that 当你把它们加以分类when you break them down and start to仔细研究就会很有意思look at them carefully can be quite interesting.我所做的就是采用So what I've done is I've taken斯滕伯格的爱的三要素Sternberg's three elements of love,即亲密激情和承诺intimacy, passion and commitment,然后列出当一个人完全没有and I've listed out the different kinds of relationships有一种两种或是三种因素时one would have if you had zero, one, two or three 可能拥有的各种不同的关系out of the three elements.我会使用斯滕伯格在他的理论中And I'm using names or types所使用的名称和类型that sternberg uses in his theory.这些的确是按照他所说的去讲 These are really from him.有些类型是显而易见的Some of these are pretty obvious.如果你没有亲密感没有激情If you don't have intimacy, if you don't have passion,没有承诺那你就没有爱情if you don't have commitment, you don't have love.斯滕伯格称之为无爱这是个术语Sternberg calls this non-love. That's the technical term.实际上他想说的是And essentially what he's saying现在你和坐在身边的人的关系is the relationship you now have to the person sitting next to you,假设你身边坐的是随便一个人presuming that you're sitting next to a random person不是你大学里认识的that you didn't know from your college,你们的关系可能就是"无爱"is probably non-love.如果还存在别的关系 If it's something else,我们可以在讲座结束时讨论一下we could talk about it at the end of the lecture 或者是一会我提到时再说or perhaps when I get to it in a moment.现在让我们加入一些要素 Now let's start to add elements.让我们加入亲密感Let's add intimacy.这是在分享秘密 This is sharing secrets,是种亲近感联系感结合感a feeling of closeness, connectedness, bonding.如果我们对某人拥有这种感情 Let's say we have that with someone但没有激情but we don't have passion,也就是说没有性唤起that is, no sexual arousal,也没有承诺要维持这段关系And no commitment to maintain the relationship.这就是喜欢斯滕伯格称之为喜欢This is liking. Sternberg calls it liking.大多数典型的友谊中And liking is really what is happening都有着这种感情in most typical friendships,这里指的不是密友 not your closest friendship而是普通朋友but friendships of a casual kind.你感到亲近你会和这个人分享一些You feel close, you share certain information with that person并不会和其他的许多人分享的信息that you don't share with other- many other people,但你并没有生理上的吸引but you're not physically attracted也没有想要长期维持这种关系and there's no particular commitment to maintaining this的某种承诺for a long period of time.如果你并未感受到亲密Now, what if you're not intimate,也没作出承诺you're not committed,但却充满激情你感到性唤起but you're passionate; you feel that sexual arousal.这就是斯滕伯格所称的"迷恋"This is what Sternberg would call infatuation.这个术语可能同样适用于你And that term probably works for you too,痴迷的爱也就是一见钟情infatuated love, and this is love at first sight."我不认识你"I don't know you,我们从未分享过任何秘密 We've never shared any secrets因为我们并不相识because I don't know you,我没有义务界定我们的关系I'm not committed to defining this as anything, 我对未来也没有承诺I'm not committed to the future.事实上我对未来连想都没想过In fact, I'm not thinking about the future.我想的只有当下 I'm thinking about right now可是我深深地被你吸引"but boy, am I attracted."是的这就是迷恋Right. That's infatuation and也就是斯滕伯格所说的"痴迷的爱"that's what Sternberg means by infatuated love.第三种只含单一要素的关系是The third kind of one-element relationship is 没有亲密感there's no intimacy, right,没有结合感没有亲密没有秘密no bonding, no closeness, no secrets,没有肉体吸引也没有性唤起no physical attraction, no sexual arousal,但天呐我们竟要维持这段关系but by gosh, we are going to maintain this relationship,我们要始终对此负责we are committed to it for all time.斯滕伯格称之为"空洞的爱"Sternberg calls that "empty love.""空洞的爱"挺有意思的empty love is kind of interesting.这通常是长期关系恶化的最终阶段It's often the final stage of long-term relationships that have gone bad."我们互不交流"We don't share information with each other anymore没了亲密感so there's no intimacy.我们对彼此不再有肉体上的吸引We don't feel physically attracted to each other anymore,没有了激情 there's no passion,但为了孩子我们最好还是在一起but we'd better stay together for the kids, right?或为了保存脸面我们最好还是在一起Or we've got to stay together for appearance's sake或者我们最好在一起or we'd better stay together否则经济状况就会出大麻烦"because financially it would be a disaster if we don't"等等各种亲密或者激情以外的原因or all of the reasons other than intimacy and passion都可以使人们对对方作出承诺that people might commit to each other.这就是斯滕伯格所称的"空洞的爱"That's what Sternberg calls empty love.有趣的是Now what's interesting is在婚姻包办的社会里in societies where marriages are arranged这种状况往往是恋爱关系的第一阶段this is often the first stage of a love relationship.这两个人可能从未谋面These two people who have maybe never seen each other before,从未分享过秘密因此并无亲密感可言who have never shared secrets so there's nointimacy,他们从来他们并不知道who have never--don't know是否会被彼此的身体吸引if they're physically attracted to each other到了婚礼当天他们才见面and on their wedding day revealed to each other并彼此根据法律作出承诺and committed legally有时这种承诺还带有宗教色彩and sometimes religiously to each other.对吧于是双方有了承诺Right? The commitment is there但除此之外还什么都没有But at that moment nothing else might be there.当然有趣的是What's interesting of course is that这类关系的离婚率such relationships don't seem to have any greater chance of ending in divorce并不比因爱情而结婚的人离婚率更高than people who marry for love.但这有一点混淆视听But there's a big confound,对这类关系进行的研究中有一个大问题there's a big problem in studies of those kind of relationships.是什么问题呢有人回答吗What might it be? Anybody.所述情况可能会有什么问题呢What might be the problem in the statement我刚说过这种关系I just made that these kind of relationships和因爱情而结合的婚姻一样are just as likely to survive都能维持下去as people who marry for love?请讲Yes.对了这种情况可能会发生在Yeah. So they may occur;包办婚姻更可能会发生在they're more likely to occur in societies不赞成离婚的社会里that frown on divorce.这些社会中离婚的社会成本很高 They make it very costly, socially costly, to divorce,所以人们会出于种种原因在一起so then they stay together for all kinds of reasons,但不总是什么好的原因not always such good ones.好的 "三选二也不坏"是谁唱的呢All right. Now who was it who sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"?是"肉块"吗 [美国摇滚音乐人]Was that Meat Loaf?是谁就是"肉块"Who was it? It was Meat Loaf.好的布朗教授说是"肉块"All right. Professor Bloom says it was Meat Loaf.那就是"肉块"了It was Meat Loaf.你们都说 "有歌手叫'肉块'吗"You're all saying, "there was a singer called Meat Loaf?""肉块"唱的"三选二也不坏"Meat Loaf sang the song "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad."让我们看看三选二Let's see是不是真的还不坏if two out of three ain't bad.如果你有亲密感What if you have intimacy,"我们分享秘密 "we share secrets,充满激情彼此吸引passion, we feel physically attracted to each other,但我们并不会相互承诺"but we're not making any commitments here."斯滕伯格称之为"浪漫式爱情"Sternberg calls that "romantic love."这种关系有着肉体吸引 This is physical attraction紧密联系却没有承诺with close bonding but no commitment,罗密欧和朱丽叶初次相见时就是如此Romeo and Juliet when they first met.一段恋爱关系开始时都类似于这样This is all familiar when relationship starts."我们彼此喜欢被对方的身体吸引"We like each other, I'm physically attracted to each other,我喜欢和你在一起的时光I--to you, I enjoy spending time with you但我不会做出任何长期承诺but I'm not making any long-term commitments.因此我甚至不愿意用'爱'这个词来描述So I'm not even willing to use the 'L' word in describing我们之间的关系" 对吗what it is we have." Right?你们中可能有不少人都经历过这种关系Many of you might have been in relationships of this sort.这就是浪漫浪漫式爱情That's romance. That's romantic love.如果你们之间有亲密感Now, what if you have intimacy,"我们彼此分享秘密"We share secrets with each other,但肉体上没有什么特别的吸引but there's no particular physical attraction 不过我们都对这段关系都有承诺but we are really committed to this relationship."斯滕伯格称这种关系为"友谊之爱"This is what Sternberg calls "companionate love."这就是密友之间的关系This is your best friend."我们承诺彼此坦诚"We are committed to sharing intimacy,承诺永远做朋友"to being friends forever,"但是这里不含肉体吸引But physical attraction is not part of the equation here.这种关系在某种程度上可能是This is sort of the--maybe古希腊对某种恋爱关系的理想型the Greek ideal in relationships of some kind.好的如果我们有激情All right. What if we have passion,"你对我有性吸引力" "I'm sexually attracted to you,"但我们并不亲密but no intimacy."我不怎么想了解你"I don't want to really know that much about you,也不怎么想让你知道我的事情I don't want to really share anything of me with you, 不过我一心想要but I am committed to maintaining保持我们之间肉体上的相互吸引this physical attraction to you"这种感觉被斯滕伯格称为"愚昧的爱"Well, that's what Sternberg calls "fatuous love."这种求爱就如旋风一般 It's a whirlwind courtship.仿佛好莱坞电影里的浪漫情节It's a Hollywood romance.这可能会导致一场闪婚It might lead to a shotgun wedding.也许你会发现自己在拉斯维加斯Maybe you find yourself in Las Vegas结婚了一天半and you get married for a day然后意识到这并不是个好主意and a half and then realize that this wasn't such a good idea.也许你叫布兰妮你是个歌手And maybe your name is Britney and you're a singer.不管怎么说你们懂的 Well, anyway, you've got the idea.这就是"愚昧的爱"That's fatuous love."可以说我们只在性方面互相承诺""We are basically committed to each other for sex"但这种关系很难持久but it's very hard to make those relationships last a long time因为我们可能毫无共同点because we might not have anything in common,我们可能什么也不交流we might not share anything with each other,我们可能互不信任we might not trust each other,彼此之间也没有特殊的联系we are not particularly bonded to each other.另一方面如果你三要素兼备On the other hand, if you have all three,亲密激情和承诺都有intimacy, passion, commitment,这就是斯滕伯格所称的"完整的爱"This is "consummate love" according to Sternberg.是一种完整的爱Complete love.这就是斯滕伯格对爱的定义This is how he defines love.好了现在你们知道了爱的定义Okay. So now you have a definition of love and you can now,我们的家庭作业就是今晚坐下来as a homework assignment, sit down tonight 列张单子写上所有你认识的人and make a list of every person you know再写上爱的三要素by the three elements of love在表格的小格子里打钩and just start putting the check marks in the boxes 再计算你个人与别人之间的爱的分数and tallying up your personal love box score.这作业不用上交And we don't want to collect those.也不检查不过这个作业很有趣We don't even want to see those but you can have fun with that.你还可以让别人做Then you can ask the other people to do it too相互比较and you can compare with each other.如果你能通过这个练习 And if you all survive this exercise你就会因此变得更好you'll be better for it.是那些未能将你杀死的事物使你变得更强What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.这就是练习背后的意义That's the idea behind that exercise.好的如今社会心理学对"爱"的研究All right. Now the social psychology of love really实际上已经成了对"吸引"的研究has been a social psychology of attraction.是什么让人们感到彼此吸引呢What makes people find each other attractive?什么让人们想要亲近What makes them want to be intimate?什么让人们会对彼此有身体欲求What makes them physically desirable to each other?什么可能会导致承诺What might lead to a commitment,作出承诺的决定让一段关系持续下去a decision to make a commitment to make the relationship last?真是太好了This is just so nice.我的讲座主题是"爱"I'm giving this lecture on love而你们俩坐在前排手拉着手and the two of you are holding hands here in the front row.真是而且It's really-- and--三要素兼备吗亲密感激情All three elements present, intimacy, passion, and...嗯好啦好的 Yeah. Okay. Good.只是检测一下啦 Just checking.好的Okay.有趣的是在社会心理学中的"吸引"So what's interesting about the social psychology of attraction会关注七个变量is it has focused on seven variables.我把它们分为两组And I've divided these into two groups,三大变量和另外四个更有趣的变量the big three and the more interesting four.我所指的"三大变量" And I call them the big--the big three are是指这三个非常有影响力的变量three variables that the effects are so powerful that几乎没必要详细讨论they almost don't need to be discussed in much detail.而更有趣的四点变量才是The more interesting four are我这次讲座要重点讨论的 the ones I'm going to focus on in this lecture 因为它们更为微妙because they're a bit more subtle而且你们可能闻所未闻and they may be things that you've never heard of before.但我们先大致说一下三大要素But let's quickly talk about the big three.要理解三大要素The way to understand the big three is就要理解"一切其他条件同等的情况下"with the phrase "all other things being equal.在"一切其他条件同等的情况下""all other things being equal,"人们发现自己与空间距离较近的人people who find themselves in close spatial proximity to each other,例如在参加讲座时共用一个椅子扶手的人like sharing an armrest in a lecture, 更容易相互吸引will be more likely to be attracted to each other也更容易发展为恋爱关系and form a romantic relationship.这是在"一切其他条件同等的情况下"Okay, all other things being equal.这一点已经通过许多有趣的方法得到证明Now this has been tested in lots of interesting ways.在纽约市曾进行过一些研究Studies have been done in the City of New York 如果你生活在曼哈顿where you can if you live in Manhattan你就能很好地了解到you can actually get a very nice metric of在城区里人们住所间的相对距离how far apart people live from each other in city blocks.对吧你可以使用一个网格图Right? You have a nice grid pattern还可以用一个城市街区的度量表and you can use a city block metric计算每个人的住所相隔多远to add up the number of blocks between people's doors.住得更近的人And people who live more closely together are更容易形成恋爱关系more likely to end up in romantic relationships with each other.这似乎很明显对吧It seems kind of obvious. Right?大学校园里情况也一样This even works on college campuses.我们可以按英尺计算你的宿舍We can measure in feet the distance between the door to your room离校园里任何一个同学宿舍的距离and the door to every other room of a student on campus这种可能性之间会有相关性and there will be a correlation between the likelihood of这是一种负相关 It's a negative correlation即和一个人发展为恋爱关系的可能性--the likelihood of getting into与你和此人的房间距离a romantic relationship with a person and the number of feet之间的相关性between your door and that person's door.离得远近越有可能发展为恋爱关系The fewer feet, the more likely a romantic relationship,一切其他条件同等的情况下All other things being equal."一切其他条件同等的情况下"Now, all other things being equal是个很强的限制is a big qualifier.是吧不过如果我们能在统计上Right? But if we could statistically控制每个其他变量control for every other variable,那我所要做的All I'd need to do is measure the distance就是测量你的房间from your door to到学校里其他人房间的距离everybody else's door on campus,然后我就能在图表上标出and I could chart out who's going to fall in love with 耶鲁大学校园内谁会爱上谁whom on the Yale campus.但这个想法有点儿Now, this idea in a way is我也不知道I don't know.也许有点儿违反直觉Maybe it's a little counterintuitive.有一种关于陌生人的文化传说认为There is a kind of cultural myth around the stranger,你不认识的人the person you don't know,才是你会爱上的人who you will, who you fall in love with.在身边的人And that is not likely to be the case反而不太可能有感觉if it's the person who is nearby.对吗 Right?你会发现随着我们了解到另一个And you'll see as we go through the other big "三大要素"中的另外两点the other two "big three" that这个主题有些重复there is a kind of repetition of this theme.你爱上的并不是陌生人It isn't the stranger you fall in love with.好的我们继续说说相同点 All right. Let's continue down. Similarity.你可能听过这句话You've probably heard the phrase"物以类聚人以群分""birds of a feather flock together"在爱情上的确就是这样And that's true when it comes to romance.无论心理学家们在此类实验中On any dimension that psychologists所测量的是哪个维度have measured in these kinds of studies,当人们更为相似时when people are more similar,会觉得更受彼此吸引they are more likely to find each other attractive.可能是一些明显的因素相似This could be obvious things例如身高或是年龄like height or age但也可能是别的诸如对于死刑的看法but it also could be things like attitudes toward capital punishment,更喜欢红袜队而非洋基队 [棒球队]preference for the Red Sox over the Yankees.对吧这些都是相似性的维度Right? All of these are dimensions of similarity.一切其他条件同等的情况下越是相似All things being equal, the more similar 越容易彼此吸引the more likely you'll find each other attractive.所以说相异不一定相吸So, opposites don't really attract.人可能会以类聚Birds of a feather may flock together但不同的人其实并不相互吸引but opposites don't really attract each other.一般我说到这里的时候Now, usually at this point讲堂里都会有人举手说somebody in the lecture hall raises their hand and says, "我男朋友或女朋友和我"Well, my boyfriend or my girlfriend and I是完全不同的两种人"are complete opposites萨洛维教授你又怎么解释呢And how do you account for that, professor Salovey?"我通常会看着他们说"祝你们好运"And I usually look at them and I say, "good luck."当然所有其他条件可能并不相同And of course all things might not be equal.可能会有其他的变量在起作用There may be other variables at play but,但是一切其他条件同等的情况下all things being equal,相似性不会产生蔑视 similarity does not breed contempt.相似使人互相吸引Similarity breeds attraction.对吗这不是很有意思吗 Okay? Isn't it interesting?我们有许多俗谚相互矛盾 We have all of these common sayings that contradict each other然而通过实证发现and then empirically,比起其他谚语some of them turn out to have more有些谚语证据更为充分evidence supporting them than others.没证据显示"相异者相吸"So "opposites attract?" not much evidence.没证据显示"相似性产生蔑视""Similarity breeds contempt?" not much evidence."物以类聚人以群分"呢"Birds of a feather flock together?"对这个谚语是有些证据的Yeah, there's some evidence for that anyway.最后一点是熟悉程度 Finally, familiarity.熟悉程度是指Familiarity--我们往往会爱上在我们周围We tend to fall in love with people in our environment with已经熟悉的人whom we are already familiar.那种"在迷人夜晚与陌生人邂逅"的想法The idea that some enchanted evening we。