读后续写范例1 (1)

优秀范例点评

范例一

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest. Jane, exhausted and scared, lay down near a stone, missing her family at a distance. All the fantastic memory crowded in and she coul dn’t help crying, “Hadn’t I quarreled with Tom, walkedaway

and climbedto the high place, I wouldn’t be trapped in this awful place, confronted with the danger of dying.” She regretted with endless anxiety, and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Weak as she was, she struggled to her feet, continuing searching for assistance. To her great joy, a helicopterwas flying overhead again and again. Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouseand spared no effort to yell so as to attract others’ attention. Fortunately, she was eventually noticed and brought into the helicopter. There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief. As tightly as possible, she hugged him and was too thrilled to say anything. Besides, they agreed never to quarrel again, determining to live the life to the fullest.

【点评】

该篇作文在逻辑、语言方面做到了平衡、全面、出色。

首先，在逻辑上，该篇文章做到了合理合情：起初，主人公身陷森林，内心充满了悔恨，在面对困难时焦虑、畏惧；之后，主人公努力求生，最终获救，并且领悟到了一定的人生道理。纵观整个故事，情节发展不仅符合两段给出的开头所限定的情景要求，而且还设置了一定的悬念，增强了故事的可读性。

在语言上，这篇文章并没有一味采用大词、难词，而是在高中词汇范围内精挑细选，活用了许多小词，增加了许多阅读趣味。例如，文章第一句“an absolute darkness ruled the forest”中，“rule”一词就使用了拟人的修辞手法，让森林阴森黑暗的一面展露无遗，同时描绘出主人公身处绝境的紧迫性。在“Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse...”一句中，直接将情绪形容词放在句首，使用了非谓语动词的语法，表达精练。

此外，“There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief.”一句中，使用了几个短句，却包含了两处非谓语动词语法，同时活用了“wear”一词，把两个人相见时的场景生动地描绘了出来。

总体来说，这篇文章反映出该考生课外阅读较多，平时应有较多练笔。

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