搞笑七分钟英语短剧剧本
英语三人短剧--搞笑
顾客: 小心, 你的大拇指在我汤里了服务员: 别担心, 先生, 不是很烫！A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again?服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?A:I'll have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!(Waiter exits returns)B:(Waiter:) Two teas.Which one asked for the clean glass?创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？看起来象是在仰泳，A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
英文搞笑小话剧短篇带翻译
丹尼斯：好吧，神秘解开了！我猜我们现在都可以回到自己的宁静晚上了。
(They all chuckle and head back downstairs)
第三幕：神秘的噪音案
Characters:
角色：
Emma - a curious woman who can't stand strange noises
艾玛 - 一个好奇的女子，无法忍受奇怪的噪音
Dennis - Emma's nosy neighbor who loves to investigate
（他们一起上了楼，敲响了吵闹邻居的门）
Jane: (opening the door) Oh, hi there! Sorry about the noise. We were just doing some home workout videos. Jumping jacks can be quite loud, huh?
艾玛：太荒谬了！每次我洗衣服，我的几只袜子就神秘失踪了。就好像它们长了腿一样走了。
(Just then, their cat, Whiskers, enters the room with a sock in its mouth)
（就在这时，他们的猫，威克斯，带着一只袜子进了房间）
Tom: Well, I think we've found the culprit. Looks like Whiskers has been hoarding our socks!
丹尼斯：好吧，神秘解开了！我猜我们现在都可以回到自己的宁静晚上了。
英语搞笑话剧剧本
二人用版本Scene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll b e a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces加旁白1人属于4人用）白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.四人用版本Global warmingA．Class begins, good afternoon everyone.B．C. D ：Good afternoon, teacher.A. First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ?B. I think it’s the problem of environment pollution.A. It’s related to our correct answer. But it isn’t correct one.B. Is it the problem of population increasing?A. No.C. Oh. I got it. It’s global warming.A. Right! Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays. Because……B. Teacher. I have a question. It was very cold indeed this winter. I think it’s global cooling!A. You got the wrong concept. Global warming doesn’t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control. So it will be sometimes very cold.B. Teacher. What causes “ global warming”?C. I know. Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature. It causes global warming.A. You are right. Do you know what will happen with the global warming?B. Yes. The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water. Human will have no places to live.C. Surely, we don’t want that will happen.A. What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?B. I think we can protect the environment from ourselves. We can plant treesC. When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.A. Ok. Students, we can’t only speak but not do later . Let us go planting tre es.D. Oh, teacher! Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it’s tree-planting day!A. Yes! Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment. B．C．D．Let us do our best to stop “Global warming” and make our earth a lovely homeland!A. That is good . I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment. Now the class is over bye-bye students!B.C.D. good bye. Teacher.（4人版本）Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing:Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion. Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse Ci: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?Wing&Ca: NoCi: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplingsWing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the suppermarket after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger. (The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house)CiCiours some pour on the table and sai d:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine. Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!。
搞笑英文话剧剧本
搞笑英文话剧剧本演话剧咱们也可以少了剧本呢？为了方便大家表演，带来了搞笑英文话剧剧本，请看：搞笑英文话剧剧本英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket MoneyScene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!另一个白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.搞笑英文话剧剧本Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景Scene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）Wow, everything is ready!糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)Scene2（At the school gate）N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!M: Let’s ask him.A: OK!C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）MA: Why?C: I’m dirty！M: No, you look nice!C: What can I do? (面对观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）MA: How much are they?S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）MA: Money?(对视)M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）A: Me too.S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)M: What can we do now?A: Let’s ask dad for money.M: But how to ask?A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）M: Good idea!(全部下场)Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)A: And play the guitar for us!M: We know you play so well!(爸爸惊诧地看着孩子)D: Oh? What a bright day today!MA: Please, dad!(哀求)D:OKOK! Let’s.(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?MA: Of course!(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。
搞笑英语话剧剧本带翻译
《The Unlucky Day》
角色：汤姆、丽莎、布朗先生（汤姆的老板）、詹姆斯（汤姆的朋友）
场景1
（汤姆准备上班。他不小心把咖啡洒在衬衫上。）
汤姆：哎呀！今天真是倒霉！首先，我把脚趾碰在桌子上，现在又把衬衫弄脏了。
场景2
（汤姆到达办公室。布朗先生走了进来。）
布朗先生：汤姆，我需要那些报告在今天中午之前交上来。它们非常重要。
Scene 5
(Tom finally finishes the reports and hands them to Mr. Brown.)
Mr. Brown: Tom, these reports are full of mistakes. You need to redo them immediately.
Mr. Brown: Tom, I need those reports by noon today. They're very important.
Tom: Yes, Mr. Brown. I'll get them to you as soon as possible.
Scene 3
(Tom goes to the copy machine to make copies of the reports. The machine suddenly breaks down.)
汤姆：谢谢你邀请我，丽莎。这绝对改变了我的今天。
丽莎：我很高兴你玩得开心。也许你的运气正在改变呢！
结局
以上剧本是一部简短的搞笑英语话剧，通过汤姆一系列倒霉的事情和最后的转机，向观众传递了积极的情绪。学生们可以通过这样的戏剧形式，轻松愉快地学习英语，提高他们的表演能力和口语表达能力。希望这个剧本能够为英语教学和学生表演活动提供一些启发和帮助。
英语舞台剧剧本，五到十分钟
《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）——金科Wanders every five miles焦仲卿Johnny(J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)焦母Johnny’s mother(JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short) 强盗Burglars(AB and C)Prologue(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I’m hen pecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All thisI do not care.I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!As you see , people live around here all said that I am not a man. Yes, I am not a man, I am a handsome man.(手撩头发做臭美状)(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)My God! Who can help me?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):I can!(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me― my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law‖.L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’sup? （口气很不情愿）JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy……L: But……JM:Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me!（手势）Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny（语气重点头）, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. I have raised（掰手指头数）ten soft hous and sof pigs and ducks and chicken and……JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L: Mum, I’m back!LM:（惊讶睁大眼）You are back? Why? What happened?L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.（怨愤抱拳在胸前）LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! （手指向兰芝）I have already told you!（咳嗽两声）When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny,（咳）I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself…… （咳咳咳）L: But, mum…… （很委屈温声细语）LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to LM(大喜):Nice girl!（竖大拇指）Just now, I met the mayor`s son in the market. He said:―If your daughter h aven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!‖ Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)L(惊愕):What? （手捂下巴）The mayor`s son? The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done! No, I will not marry a man like that!（扭身子撒娇）LM: But he is really handsome…L: ...ok, go ahead!Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下)Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet?J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone! （手揉眼哭）JM(沉吟片刻):Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!Act4(J开心地走着（慢跑状步行），忽然跳出来三个强盗) J往后一跳，手放下巴下面A: Hey you!（指J）Stop and listen to us!（指自己胸口）The road is built by me!(单手人猿泰山状抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B: And I planted one tree!(竖食指做1状，亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C: If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)AB&C: Give us all your money! （齐伸手）J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量) A: What bad luck! This guy is broken!B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss LiuLanzhi next month. We can go and rob the wedding!A&B: Good idea!J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!AB&C:Why? A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!J:But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you?I’ll go with you. You take the money and I take the bride.B: Have you got any experience?J: No. But I’ve got thi s!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００强盗头头念出来)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，L盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)L(to her mother): Dont you say he is handsome? （委屈状手放下巴）LM: no! I just say he has some hands..(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!A: The road is built by me!B: And I planted one tree.C: If you want to go by this street---J: Give us all your money!（张开怀抱）(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J，拥抱，并躲到了J的身后，J做老母鸡张翅状护住)(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey ,how are you?L(哭状):I hurt a lot!J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)L(起身去追):Wait for me!(跑下)(音乐起Can You Celebrate)。
搞笑七分钟英语短剧剧本
搞笑七分钟英语短剧剧本陈:Hello, everyone, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--R Z. Recently, I will direct a new movie, today, there will be an audition and I will select three actors to perform in this film. OK, let's begin. The first part, talent show, let's welcome actor number one.陈:大家好，你们看过吗？是的，我是这部电影的导演R Z。
最近我要导演一部新的电影。
今天在这里将举行一场面试，我要选出三位演员来拍摄这部电影。
好的，接下来就开始面试的第一个环节，才艺表演，让我们欢迎第一位面试者。
杨: I t’s so easy for me to get this character. (面朝观众说) Nice to meet you, my dear director. 杨:我一定能轻而易举地拿到这个角色。
(边走边朝观众说)很高兴见到你，亲爱的导演。
陈:Nice to meet you too, so, introduce yourself.陈:很高兴见到你，那么请介绍一下你自己吧。
杨:I'm CK Yang, you know. I don't have too many achievements, I just won six World Music Awards, eight American Music Awards, and…(做沉思状) oh, I forgot, two Oscar Awards, it's just a piece of cake for me, you know, I...杨:我是CK 杨，你知道的，我也没有太多的成就，我仅仅拿了6次世界音乐奖，8次全美音乐奖，对了，差点忘了这个，还有二次奥斯卡奖，这对我来说不过是小意思，你们知道的，我。
英语搞笑话剧剧本
英语搞笑话剧剧本篇一：搞笑小学英语小品剧本搞笑小学英语小品剧本人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。
农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle , I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表] It is time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。
树站回后台] 兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。
两个人走啊走。
兔子突然回头。
农夫假装看手表。
两人继续走。
兔子回头。
农夫假装看天气。
两人继续走。
兔子回头。
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陈:Hello, everyone, have you ever seen the movie<Beautiful Life>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--R Z. Recently, I will direct a new movie, today, there will be an audition and I will select three actors to perform in this film. OK, let's begin. The first part, talent show, let's welcome actor number one.陈:大家好，你们看过<美丽人生>吗？是的，我是这部电影的导演R Z。
最近我要导演一部新的电影。
今天在这里将举行一场面试，我要选出三位演员来拍摄这部电影。
好的，接下来就开始面试的第一个环节，才艺表演，让我们欢迎第一位面试者。
杨: It’s so easy for me to get this character. (面朝观众说) Nice to meet you, my dear director.杨:我一定能轻而易举地拿到这个角色。
(边走边朝观众说)很高兴见到你，亲爱的导演。
陈:Nice to meet you too, so, introduce yourself.陈:很高兴见到你，那么请介绍一下你自己吧。
杨:I'm CK Yang, you know. I don't have too many achievements, I just won six World Music Awards, eight American Music Awards, and…(做沉思状) oh, I forgot, two Oscar Awards, it's just a piece of cake for me, you know, I...杨:我是CK 杨，你知道的，我也没有太多的成就，我仅仅拿了6次世界音乐奖，8次全美音乐奖，对了，差点忘了这个，还有二次奥斯卡奖，这对我来说不过是小意思，你们知道的，我。
陈:Stop, stop! Time is limited, just begin.陈:停下，快停下，时间有限，快点开始吧。
杨:OK! I'll sing my first song to conquer you --my heart will go on. Just enjoy it.Music(音乐响起). 杨:好的，我将演唱我的成名曲来征服你----我心永恒。
请欣赏。
(音乐响起)near, far, wherever you areI believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the doorand you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.（唱跑调）陈:OK, that’s enough, I was wondering how could you get so many awards?陈:可以了，够了！我真的好奇你唱的这么难听，是怎么拿到这么多奖的杨:Dear director, you don’t appreciate my style, I’m sure you will regret. (骄傲的离开)杨:我亲爱的导演，你不懂欣赏我的风格，我保证你会后悔的。
(骄傲的离开)陈:Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise. Next one!陈:天啊，我要受不了，希望下一个会带给我惊喜。
下一个！杜:To be, or not to be, It's a question!(走到陈面前),I'm glad to see you, my dear princess.杜:生存还是死亡?这是个问题。
(走到陈面前)很荣幸见到您，我的公主。
陈(高兴状):oh, it's really a big surprise, so what's your name?陈(高兴状):天啊，实在是太惊喜了，你叫什么？杜:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(陈摇头:no), it's ok, how about Robin Meade?(陈摇头:no), eh... you must know Beyonce Giselle, right?(陈继续摇头:no) (杜情绪激动)What do you know? You know nothing! How could you sit here?杜:我的名字？哦~等一下。
你知道特里什·里根吗？(陈摇头:不知道)，没关系，那你知道罗宾·米德吗？(陈摇头:不知道)eh…那你一定知道碧昂丝·吉赛尔？(陈摇头:不知道),(杜,情绪激动)，你知道什么？你什么都不知道，有什么资格坐在这里。
陈(气愤状):you, you, how dare you!陈(气愤状):你你你，你怎么敢!杜:ok, relax, it doesn't matter, you don’t need to learn about them, they’re just my guests, you just need to know me, the most famous talk show host and the greatest poet--Oprah!杜:好的，没关系，你不需要认识这些人，他们都曾是我的嘉宾，你只需要认识我，这世上最著名的脱口秀主持人和最棒的诗人--奥普拉！陈:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.陈:我不在乎你是谁，快开始你的表演。
杜:Well, listen to my original poem. Once, I had found my best love, but I didn’t cherish her. Until I lost her, I felt regret. It is the most painful thing in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to her. That is-- ‘I love you’!杜:好，下面请大家欣赏我的原创诗。
曾经有一份真挚的爱情摆在我面前，但是我没有珍惜，等到失去后才后悔莫及，尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此，如果老天可以再给我一次机会的话，我会对那个女孩说三个字--“我爱你”。
陈(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, leave me alone！陈(起鸡皮疙瘩状):天啊，我受不了啦，请离我远一点！杜(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it will be (回头,对陈)10 thousand years.杜(转身离开,继续台词):如果要在这三个字上加一个期限的话，我希望是(回头,对陈)一万年。
陈:Next one!陈:下一个！程:(男扮女装,风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh, honey, dear, sweet, darling director, the most beautiful, charming, sexy girl is coming, everybody knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Hello Kitty, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指，在这里突然一改妩媚的样子开始打b-box). (鞠躬,向观众谢幕) thank you.(面向导演) honey, is it a wonderful performance?程:(男扮女装，风情万种，妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):哦，我的甜心，亲爱的导演，最漂亮，有魅力，性感的女孩登场了，大家都认识我对吧，没错，我就是Kitty猫，睁大你们的双眼，屏住你们的呼吸，我将要带来一场独特而美好的表演，我相信大家都会为我的表演疯狂的，(打个响指，在这里突然一改妩媚的样子开始打b-box). (鞠躬,向观众谢幕),谢谢大家。
(面向导演) 甜心，我的表演完美吗？陈:(作目瞪口呆状)…程:(在陈眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?程:(在陈眼前晃手),哦，亲爱的，你没事吧。
陈:eh...my god, I need a beautiful actress, but you are a little... Get out.陈:嗯…上帝啊，我需要一个美丽的女演员，但是你看起来有一点…出去!程:oh no! Sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)程:哦，不！甜心，你伤了我的心…(掩面离去)陈:oh, it's really a terrible day! Why it is so difficult to find excellent actors. You three, come here! 陈:天啊，今天实在是太糟糕了！为什么找个完美的演员就这么难。
你们三个过来吧。
三人跑进来, 程:(妩媚状):Honey, you prefer my performance, right?三人跑进来, 程:(妩媚状):甜心，你更喜欢我的表演，对吗？杨:Director, you prefer my singing, right?杨:导演，你更喜欢我的歌对吗？杜:Princess, you prefer my poem, right?杜:公主，你更喜欢我的诗对吗？三人抢着说:I passed, right?(然后同时定住)三人抢着说:我通过面试了，对吗？(然后同时定住)陈:God. I want three good actors,(叹气) but there are only three idiots.(电话声响，接电话) What? We will change the movie into <three idiots>. Wait a minute, three idiots, like them? OK, I think I’ve got a good idea! (挂电话,拍手唤醒三人) I have a good news, you three, pass!陈:天呐。