初中英语 趣味英语 英语幽默笑话素材

和你身高差不多

When we were newlyweds, my husband started a new job. Every evening I would

gri11 him about the women at his office，demanding to know how pretty each one was, what color her eyes were, her hair, and so on. He always replied, "I don't remember that kind of thing.”

我们刚刚结婚，丈夫便开始了一份新的工作。每天晚上我都对他办公室里的女性的情况严

加盘问，要求了解到每个人有多漂亮，眼睛是什么颜色，发型是什么样式等等。他每次总

是回答说:“我不记得那类事情。”

One night, he put an end to my pestering. I had asked him the height of a particular woman. He told me to stand up and gave me a passionate kiss. "Well,” he said, reflecting, "I guess she's about your height.”

一天晚上，他让我的纠缠宣告结束。我间他某个女人有多高。他让我站起来，并给了我一

个满怀激情的吻。“嗯，”他回忆着说:“我想她和你身高差不多。”

好心反遭报应

Eddie liked music very much when he was at school, but when he went to the university he decided to study medicine, instead of music. When he passed his examinations and became a doctor, he had to work in a hospital for some time. There he discovered that a lot of the patients were happier and caused less trouble if pleasant music was played to them. When Eddie got an office and

began to work for himself, he decided to keep his patients happy by having a

tape recorder in his waiting room play beautiful music for them.

艾迪在中学的时候非常喜欢音乐，可是上了大学后，他决心放弃音乐改学医学。在通过考

试成为医生之后，他必须在医院工作一段时间。在那儿，他发现如果播放动听的音乐，很

多病人会快乐点，麻烦也会少点。有了自己的诊所开始营业时，他决定在候诊室放一台录

音机，播放优美的音乐给病人听，让他们快乐一点。

But soon after the tape recorder had been put in, Eddies nurse heard a woman, who was sitting in the crowded waiting room one morning, co mplain, “Here

we’re all waiting to see the doctor, and he's just playing the violin in his office instead of doing his work”

录音机装好之后，有一天早上，艾迪的护士听到一位女士坐在拥挤的候诊室抱怨说:“我们

大家都等着看病，他却只知道在办公室里拉小提琴，根本就不工作。”

滑雪课

Between my first and second ski lessons, I was practicing on the beginners'

slope at Mammoth Mountain in California. I began to pick up speed, and suddenly

I realized I had forgotten how to stop. That same moment, I saw a young couple standing motionless directly in my path. "Look out! Get out of my way!” I yelled.

我刚开始上滑雪课时，在加利福尼亚猛妈山的初学者坡道上进行练习。我逐渐开始加速，

但我突然意识到我忘了该怎么停下来。就在这时，我看到一对年轻夫妇一动不动地挡了我

的道。“当心!让开!”我喊道。

They did not heed my warning, and a moment later the three of us were up to our ears in snow. As we were untangling poles and recovering skis, I apologized, explaining that I did not know how to stop.

他们根本没有注意到我的警告，顷刻之间，我们三人都被埋在了雪里。我们抽出扭在一起的滑雪杆，找回滑雪板。我连忙道歉，解释说我不知道怎样停下来。

"That's okay , madam ,”said the young man. "We didn't know how to move.”

“没关系，女士，”那名年轻男子说，“我们不知道该怎样滑动。”

它就是士兵

As a newly commissioned infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M一16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M一16' s bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.

作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我希望通过擦拭自己的M-16自动步枪，给全排的士兵们作个榜样。我们一块擦枪时，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓和枪膛特别的凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。

"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with,” the soldier said.

“中尉，应该制造出一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。

"They do,” piped up a sergeant.

“已经制造出来了。”一个军士尖声说。

"Really?" I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool.

“真的?”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。

"Yes，sir,”replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier.”

“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。”

一个坏印象

Six people were traveling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

有六个人搭乘火车旅行，坐在同一个包厢内。其中五个人很安静，也很规矩。但第六个是个粗鲁的年轻人，给其他旅客带来了许多麻烦。

At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young