商务英语写作-教案

Chapter 1 Introduction to Business Writing

I Teaching Objectives:

Students will be able to

1. Learn the functions and basic pattern of business writing;

2. Aware the criteria for effective business writing;

3. Master the effects of information-communication in business writing.

4. Learn the basic patterns of business writing

II Contents:

1 Topic: An Overview of Business Writing

2 Key words: functions criteria effects patterns

3 Function: Understand why practical writing is so important and what business writing is.

III Procedure:

1.1 Introduction

Q: Why the ability to write effectively is a valuable business asset?

? A great deal of business is transacted in writing.

?Effective business writers can promote good relations with customers, employees and the general public. Then they can help to increase their company’s sales and profits.

?Proficiency in writing gives one a personal advantage in business; and contributes substantially to one’s self-confidence.

1.2 Functions of business writing

★To inform: you explain something or tell readers something

★To persuade or request: you want the reader to act. The word “request” suggests that the action will be easy or routine; “persuade “suggests that you will have to motivate and convince the readers to act.

★To entertain

★To build goodwill: you create a good image of yourself and of your organization- the kind of image that makes people want to do business with you.

Most messages have multiple purposes. When you answer a question, you’re informing, but you also want to buil d goodwill by suggesting that you’re competent and perceptive and that your answer is correct and complete. In a cla ims adjustment, whether your answer is yes or not, you want to suggest that the reader’s claim has been given careful consideration and that the decision is fair, businesslike, and justified. Document Description of document Purpose(s) of document

Quotation Letter giving price for a specific

product, fabrication(装配), or service Inform，build goodwill (price is reasonable)

Claims adjustment Letter granting or denying customer

request to be given credit for defective

goods

Inform, build goodwill

Job description Description of qualifications and duties

of each job. Used for performance

Inform, persuade good

candidates to apply; build

appraisals, setting salaries, and for hiring goodwill (job duties match

level, pay)

10-K report Report filed with the Securities and

Exchange Commission (SEC) detailing

financial information.

inform

Thank-you letter Letter to suppliers, customers, or other

people who have helped individuals or

the company

Build goodwill

1.3 Criteria for effective business writing (6 C’s):

? A successful business message: (1) the receiver interprets the msg as the sender intended it. (2) it achieves the sender’s purposes.

?Six C’s principles:

?Courtesy: treating people with respect and friendly human concern.

?Correctness: correct grammar, punctuation and spelling; choosing the correct level of language and using accurate information and data.

?Conciseness: to write in the fewest possible words without sacrificing completeness and courtesy.

?Clarity: short familiar words and simple short sentences are better.(your writings are totally understood) ?Concreteness: vivid, specific, definite

?Completeness: include all necessary information and data

BASIC FIVE CRITERIA:

1. It’s clear (Clarity). The meaning the reader gets is the meaning the writer intended. The reader doesn’t

have to guess.

2. It’s complete (Completeness). All of the reader’s questions are answered. The reader has enough

information to evaluate the msg. and act on it.

3. It’s correct (Correctness). All of the information in the msg. is accurate. The msg. is free from errors

in punctuation, spelling, grammar, word order, and sentence structure.

4. It saves the reader’s time.---- (Conciseness) The style, organization, and visual impact of the msg.

help the reader to read, understand, and act on the information as quickly as possible.

5. It builds goodwill. The msg. presents a positive image of the writer and his or her organization. It

treats the reader as a person, not a number. It cements [to make a relationship between people, countries, or organizations firm and strong

cement a relationship/alliance]a good relationship between the writer and the reader.

1.4 Adapting to modern changes in business writing (communicate effects)

?goodwill effects: It is desirable in letter[formal something that is desirable is worth having or doing]because: (1)

for business reasons (2)It is the effect most of us want in our relations.

?other effects: sometimes ensure the success of business letters.(1)the techniques of persuasion

(2)techniques that emphasize your qualification (3) play down the unwelcome part

?Achieving the desired effects, we can do the following:

?Conversational Style: warm and natural language

?Resisting Tendency to Be Formal: There is a misconception that big words and difficult words are preferred in business letters. They resulted in a cold and unnatural style—do not produce goodwill effect.

?Avoiding the Old Language of Business: cold tone, formal language of law and flowery language of nobility.

E.g.: Your letter of the 7th inst (-dated or fml commerce-instant (of this month));

Please be advised to…;

Wherein you state as per (根据) your letter;

Thanking you in advance.

?You-viewpoint (you-attitude你式写法)---building goodwill: focus interest on the reader—for persuasion and for influencing people favorably—emphasize “you” and “your”, de-emphasize “we”

and “our”—not just using second pronouns, but placing the reader in the center of things—Read your msg. over as if you were in your readers shoes. How would you feel if you received it?—avoid insincerity, obviously flattery, too chummy [friendly亲切的], avoid slang, clic hés, and “in”

jokes[shared by or appealing to a small group （小圈子内）分享的或感兴趣的: an in-joke一则内部笑话.].—using it for good goals.

?Accent on Positive Language: best for letter goals, put the reader in the right frame of mind; create the goodwill atmosphere.

●You emphasize the positive when you:

(1) Put positive information first, give it more space, or set it off visually in an indented[缩

进的] list.

(2) Eliminate negative words whenever possible.

(3) Focus on what is possible, not what is impossible.

?Singling Out Your Reader: write for the reader’s particular situation, and the reader gets individual treatment. “We look forward to the possibility of sending our executives to you in the years ahead.”

?Using the Reader’s Names: It makes the reader feel that his/her ident ity as individual is recognized.---once or twice, not too often.

?Avoiding Anger: jeopardize goodwill—sarcasm, insult, exclamation; but when positive words have not brought desired results, negative words may be justified.

1.5 Basic patterns of business writing:

deductively[using the knowledge and information you have in order to understand or form an opinion about something]

or inductively[using known facts to produce general principles] inductive argument是总结，归纳。先举出散例/特征，然后归纳总结。deductive argument是给一个总的定义/概念，然后再找实例/原因来support你的theme（中心思想）These can elicit the response or action:

? 1. directness in good-news and routine messages:

?Begin with the main idea(present good-news or routine information);

?Followed by supporting details;

?End with goodwill

? 2. indirectness in bad-news messages:

? a buffer

?reasons supporting the negative decision

? a clear, diplomatic statement of the negative decision

? a helpful, friendly, and positive close.

? 3. indirectness in persuasion

?Open with words that set up strategy – needs and appeals, emotion, logic and credibility, and gain attention.

?Present the strategy (persuasion)—using persuasive language and you-viewpoint

?End the letter by describing precisely what you would like to happen, restating how the audience will benefit by acting as you wish and making action easy to take.

1.6 Pair work- questions for comprehension

1.7 Group discussion- sample analysis

1.8 Practice

VI Assessment

Exercises in the textbook

补充专题：

Gentlemen:

Please be advised that upon reviewing your credit file with us we find the information herein outdated. In an effort to expedite the handling of your future orders with us, and to allow us to open an appropriate line of credit for your company, we ask that you send an updated list of vendor references. Any other additional financial information that you can supply would be to both of our benefits.

May we hear from you soon?

?Clarity：

Say Don’t say Say Don’t say

Big Substantial To issue To promulgate

Home, house Domicile Pay Remuneration

Use Utilize About Circa

For For the purpose of During During the year of

Need Have need for Often In many cases

Because Due to the fact that Since For the reason that

Economical Wordy

Will u please return the enclosed card and arrange a convenient time for an interview? At this time I am writing to you to enclose the postpaid appointment card for the purpose of arranging a convenient time when we might get together for a personal interview.

I am writing about the Russell account to list potential issues before the client’s visit.I am writing in order to list the potential issues in regard to the Russell account in advance of the client’s visi t.

Concrete General

These breaks stop a 2-ton car, traveling 60

miles an hour, within 240 feet.

These breaks stop a car within a short distance.

This computer types 1,000 personalized 150-word campaign letters in one hour. This computer reproduces campaign letters fast.

Main

point

is

buried

What information?

Prove it!

You-attitude

Putting what you want to say in you-attitude is a crucial step both in thinking about the reader’s needs and in communicating your concern to the reader.

How to Create You-Attitude:

1. Talk about the reader, not about yourself.

I have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that gives you a discount on rental cars. As a Sunstrand employee, you can now get a 20% discount when you rent a car from Apex.

We are shipping your order of September 21 this afternoon. The two dozen Corning Ware starter sets you ordered will be shipped this afternoon and should reach you by September 28. (if you can’t be exact, “A UPS shipment from California to Texas normally takes three days.” If you have absolutely no idea, give the reader the name of the carrier, so the reader knows whom to contact, if the order doesn’t arrive promptly.)

2. Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically

If your reader is an individual or a small business, it’s friendly to specify the content of the order; if you’re writing to a company with which you do a great deal of business, give the invoice or purchase order number.

Your order…(to individual):

The desk chair you ordered…

(to a large store):

Your invoice #783329

3. Don’t talk about feelings, excep t to congratulate or offer sympathy.

We are happy to extend you a credit line of $5,000. You can now charge up to $5,000 on your American Express card.

The reader doesn’t care whether you’re happy, bored stiff at granting a routine application, or worried about granting so much to someone who barely qualifies. All the reader cares about is the situation from his or her point of view.

It is appropriate to talk about your own emotions in a msg. of congratulations or condolence.

Congratulations on your promotion to district manager! I

was really pleased to read about it.

You’ll be happy to hear that Open Grip

Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.

Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.

When you have good news for the reader, simply give the g ood news. Don’t predict the reader’s response.

You’ll be happy to hear that your scholarship

has been renewed.

Congratulations! Your scholarship has been renewed.

4. In positive situations, use “you” more often than “I”. Use “we” when it includes the rea der.

We provide health insurance to all employees. You receive health insurance as a full-time Proter & Gamble

employee.

5. In negative situation, avoid the word “you”. Protect the reader’s ego. Use passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid assigning blame.

You must get approval from the director before you publish any articles or memoirs based on Agency personnel must get approval from the director to publish any articles or memoirs based on their work at the

your work in the agency. agency.

Using passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid blaming the reader.

Passive verbs: the action performed on something, without necessarily saying who did it. Impersonal expressions: omit people and talk only about things.

You made no allowance for inflation in your estimate. (passive):

No allowance for inflation has been made in this estimate.

(impersonal):

This estimate makes no allowance for inflation.

To create goodwill with content,

? Be complete. When you have lots of information to give, consider putting some details in an appendix, which may

be read later.

? Anticipate and answer questions the reader is likely to have.

? When you include information the reader didn’t ask for, show why it is important.

? Show readers how the subject of your message affects them.

To organize information to build goodwill,

? Put information readers are most interested in first.

? Arrange information to meet your reader’s needs, not yours.

? Use headings and lists so that the reader can find key points quickly. ★ A letter Lacking You-Attitude

Dear Ms. McFarland:

We are now ready to issue a check to Rollins Equipment in the amount of $14,207.02. To receive said

check, you will deliver to me a release of the mechanic’s liens in the amount of $14,207.02.

Before we can release the check, we must be satisfied that the release is in the proper form. We must

insist that we be provided with a stamped original of the lien indicating the document number in the

appropriate district court where it is filed. Also, either the release must be executed by an officer of

Rollins Equipment, or we must be provided with a letter from an officer of Rollins Equipment

authorizing another individual to execute the release. Please contact the undersigned so that an appointment can be scheduled for this transaction.

Sincerely,

Kelly. J. Pickett

Dear Ms. McFarland: Let’s clear up the lien in the Allen contract.

Rollins will receive a check for $14,207.02 when you give us a release for the mechanic’s lien of $14,207.02. To assure us that the release is in the proper form.

1. Give us a stamped original of the lien indicating the document’s district court number, and

2. Either a. Have an officer of Rollins Equipment sign the release Not u-attitude Legalistic Sounds dictatorial

F oucuses on negative

Hard to read, remember Jargon Starts with main point

from the reader ’s point

of view

Focuses on what reader gets List makes it easy to see that reader

needs to do two things-and that the

second can be done in two ways.

or

b.Give us a letter from a Rollins officer authorizing someone else to sign the release.

Call me to tell me which way is best for you.

Sincerely,,

Kelly J. Pickett

Positive Emphasis

1. Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations.

We have failed to finish taking inventory. Better:

We haven’t finishe d taking inventory.

Still better:

We will be finished taking inventory Friday.

If you can’t understand this explanation, feel free to call me. Better:

If you have further questions, just call me. Still better:

Omit the sentence.

Never fail to back up your disks. Always back up your disks. Your balance of $835 is delinquent. Your balance of $835 is past due. “however”: indicate a shift, so, after a positive statement, they are negative.

“I hope” and “I trust” suggest that you aren’t sure.

I hope this is the information you wanted. (implication: I’m not sure)Better:

Enclosed is a brochure about road repairs scheduled for 2004-06.

Still better:

The brochure contains a list of all roads and bridges scheduled for repair during 2004-06. Call Gwen Wong at 555-3245 for specific dates when work will start and stop and for alternate routes.

Please be patient as we switch to the automated system. (Implication: You can expect problems.) Better:

If you have questions during our transition to the automated system, call Melissa Morgan.

Still better:

You’ll be able to get information instantly about any house on the market when the automated system is in place. If you have questions during the transition, call Melissa Morgan.

Now Crispy Crunch tastes better. (Implication: it used to taste terrible.) Better:

Now Crispy Crunch tastes even better.

I hope that you are satisfied enough to place future orders. Arrogant:

I look forward to receiving all of your future business. Better:

Call Mercury whenever you need computer chips.

Emphasizes reader’s choice

The exercycle is not guaranteed for life. Not true:

The exercycle is guaranteed for life.

True:

The exercycle is guaranteed for 10 years.

Customers under 60 are not eligible for the Prime Time discount. Not ture:

You must be over 60 to be eligible for the Prime Time discount.

If you’re 60 or older, you can save 10% on all your purchases with RightWay’s Prime Time discount.

2. State information positively. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on what you won’t or can’t let the reader do.

Negative:

We will not allow you to charge more than $1,500 on your VISA account. Better:

You can charge $1,500 on your new VISA card.

Or:

Your new VISA car gives you $1,500 in credit that you can use at thousands of stores nationwide.

You will not qualify for the student membership rate of $25 a year unless you are a full-time student. You get all the benefits of membership for only $25 a year if you’re a full-time student.

(When you have a benefit and a requirement the reader must meet to get the benefit, put the benefit first)

3. Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a reader benefit.

* to make the logic behind your reason clear and to leave on loopholes.

We cannot sell computer disks in lots of less than 10. To keep down packaging costs and to help you save on

shipping and handling costs, we sell computer disks in

lots of 10 or more.

If the customer says, ”l’ll pay the extra shipping and handling. Send me seven.” If you still can’t or won’t sell in lots of less than 10: To keep down packaging costs and to help customers save on shipping and handling costs, we sell computer disks only in lots 10 or more.

* avoid telling people that you are doing things “for their own good.” (only link the negative element to a benefit that the reader will acknowledge.)

4. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.

Omit negatives only when

?The reader does not need the information to make decision

?You have already given the reader the information and he or she has access to the previous communication.

?The information is trivial.

A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. That rate is not as low as the rates charged for some magazines. Better:

A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97.

Still better:

A one-year subscription to PC Magazine is $49.97. You save 43% off the newsstand price of $87.78.