每日一笑
1 The father never let children maomao during dinner always talk. Once when having a meal, father saw maomao wanted to speak, then say to him: "kid, what you want to say?"
"Dad, flies delicious?" Maomao, ask.
"No!" Father said, "why do you ask such a thing?"
"You just have a dish, you to swallow it down."
毛毛的父亲从不让孩子在吃饭时时说话。一次吃饭时，父亲见到毛毛很想说话的样子，便对他说：?孩子，你想说什么？?
?爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？?毛毛问。
?不！?父亲说，?你干嘛问这个？?
?刚才您碟子里有一只，您把它咽下去了。?
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a
farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示?玉米/谷物?，也有?鸡眼?的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,
uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：?相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美
元，它们是从美国直接带来的。?
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。?
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply,
"You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：?你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。?
?为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？?
?你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总
不会空着手来吧？?吝啬鬼回答。
答案补充英语笑话（七）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：?世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。?
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：?妈妈来了？?
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy
一个好孩子
小罗伯特向他妈妈要了两美分。?你用我昨天给你的钱干什么了？?
?我把它给了一个贫穷的老妇人。?他回答
?你是个好孩子?妈妈骄傲地说。?这里有两美分多，但为什么你对老妇人这么有兴趣？?
"她是一个卖糖果的?
A teacher asked her class ,"Is the sentence `The ox(公牛)and the cow(母牛)are in the fields'correct"
Most of the children said,"Yes,that is right!"
And only one little boy said,"No,it is not correct ,The lady must be mentioned first."
译：一个老师问他的学生。?田里的公牛在母牛的前面对吗？?
大多数小孩说：?没错，是这样的?少数小男孩说：?不，这是不正确的，这女士必须在前面?
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
态度决定人生的名言
态度决定人生的名言 【篇一：态度决定一切】 态度决定一切 美国西点军校有一句名言就是：“态度决定一切。”没有什么事情做 不好，关键是你的态度问题，事情还没有开始做的时候，你就认为 它不可能成功，那它当然也不会成功，或者你在做事情的时候不认真，那么事情也不会有好的结果。没错，一切归结为态度，你对事 情付出了多少，你对事情采取什么样的态度，就会有什么样的结果。这个理论同样可以运用到工作中。通信行业迅速发展，3g技术不断 成熟，竞争激励，每个行业都注重服务，我们也不例外。同样是移 动营销服务，流程不会少，如果服务态度不同，收到的效果会不一样，为什么不抱以积极乐观的态度微笑服务于客户呢，让双方都能 轻松应对，留下好的印象，提升个人形象和公司形象。做一名很好 的营销员，除了掌握巧妙的营销技巧，还要端正态度。 对你而言，把客户当成需要你帮助和服务的对象，把自己当成客户 利益的保护者，是你应该确立的服务态度。只有确立了这样的服务 态度，客户才会信任你、选择你。有的时候客户不是因为你的产品 选择你，而更多是因为你的服务更具亲和力才选择了你。所以做好 服务这块很重要。强调自身的力量和价值，相信自己能解决客户的 问题。 跟客户解释问题要耐心，不能麻木，如果心情低调了，可以找个适 当的方式缓解一下再继续。把最好的一面留给客户。尽自己所能做 更好。 把这种良好的服务态度变成一种习惯，以后不管走到哪里，做什么 事情，都会左右逢源，顺风顺水。所以做好眼前的工作，需要保持 一种乐观积极的心态，一份付出，一分收获，服务别人，同时也受 益自己。 史振魁 【篇二：思维的态度决定人生的高度】 每日名言 贪婪是最真实的贫穷，满足是最真实的财富。 每日自励 人的价值，在遭受诱惑的一瞬间被决定。
短篇英语笑话10则带翻译
短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。 弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？ 斯丹：浴室。 弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？ 斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？ 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？ 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”
英语幽默小故事
英语幽默小故事
1、New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!" 新发现 一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。 乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!” hillbilly n. 乡下人，乡巴佬. pudgy adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的 drawl vt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说 2、Always Thirsty "I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." "That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" "No, but I am always thirsty!" 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”
英语小笑话(带翻译)).
1 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 2，Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？ 女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。 3. My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 4. 反正我太太明天会来换的 My Wife Will Exchange Them A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasper ated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的 一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。
用这几个技巧开一个高质量早会
用这几个技巧开一个高质量早会 俗话说：一日之计在于晨。作为一个班组，早班会是我们班组建设的重要平台。任何行业都是一样，早会的影响不言而喻。 早会示范一 早会示范二 看了上面两个早会示范，我们知道，作为一名班组长，开好早会，就能事半功倍，因此，开好早会尤其重要，那么如何打造高质量早会？ 我们要掌握早班会最关键的几个要素，把早班会作为计划的早班会、士气的早班会、活力的早班会、全面管理的早班会，其中有六大要素，下面我就和大家再具体阐述一下： 1
一声问候，士气的提升 一声问候，它是一个仪式，它是一句提醒，它是一声关爱。你的一个眼神，你的一声问候，会传递给员工一种温暖的情绪和积极向上的影响力。所以我们在开早班会前，第一步就是问候，这个问候可以是以问好的方式向大家问一声“伙伴们早上好”，或者“伙伴们大家好”，也可以是我们班组自己独特的带有亲情、关怀、温暖的问好方式。一声问候，把大家凝聚在一起，不仅有语言，同时我们还需要一个仪式、一个肢体动作，我们可以来一个鼓掌，或者一个大家共同遵守的一个动作的表示，其目的就是全身心调动大家的士气，提升大家的士气，调动大家的情绪，让大家从松散的个体凝聚在一起，统一行动，统一目标，共同做好我们一天工作的准备。 2 进行当天工作计划的部署和安排 当大家凝心聚力、精神饱满的时候，那么早班会的最核心的内容就是任务的安排、计划的传达、工作的部署，这是早班会的核心重点。那么大家就会问了，作为轮值的班长，他如何去布置工作呢，他怎么布置工作呢？这就需要班组长提前给轮值班长做好辅导，而作为一个轮值主持早班会的班长呢，要提前做好功课的准备，在这之前呢我们先跟着班长，向班长不断学习，看一下工作怎么布置，工作有哪些安排，然后请教班长。 等到我们在早班会上的时候呢，这样我们可以有的放失，条理清晰的进行任务的安排和工作布置。那么工作计划中，主要有哪些安排呢，首先是具体的工作内容，包括交接班的注意事项，当然在交接班班会中，我们可能有具体的安排。除此之外呢，还有我们上级、公司、车间政策的传达，
经典幽默英语故事(30个)-(1)
经典幽默英语故事（50个） 要求： 1、每天阅读两篇小故事，写出故事大意，尽量理解故事里的幽默点。 2 3、开学后，请把这14页的阅读素材，装订成册，上交给各班的英语老师。老师会根据你的完成情况，给你的阅读作业打出分数。 姓名：_________ 班级：_________ 学号：_________ 成绩：_________ 第一篇 My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 故事大意： _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________第二篇 First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was
初中英语小笑话三分钟
初中英语小笑话三分钟 出差订酒店就用趣出差，单单有返现，关注微信小程序或下载APP立即领取100元返现红包 自古以来,我们中国人就有幽默的传统,而笑话作为一种流传最广的幽默形式,一直为人们喜爱。下面是我带来的初中英语小笑话，欢迎阅读! 初中英语小笑话篇一 Make a Wish 许个愿吧! Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread. 每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。 But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. 但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。 Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .
他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。女人听了铃声，出来开门。 "Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . " “这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……” "That's true ." "那倒是不假……" "And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ', "可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。" “Well, today's his birthday. ” “今天是他生日嘛。” 初中英语小笑话篇二 A Remarkable Talent 一位了不起的天才 "Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.
开心一刻笑话大全带图
开心一刻笑话大全带图 【篇一：开心一刻笑话大全带图】 爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，因为笑可以让人充满正能量，更能让 自己面对挫折，勇往直前，以下笑话希望能让你爆笑每一天。 开心一刻(一) 降妖 一日哪吒遇见了孙悟空挑衅地对他说：降妖问问你敢不敢? 孙悟空 一愣：像、像你说过那样的爱我? 醉汉 有一醉汉，早上醒来，跟他妻子说，咱们家有鬼，昨 晚我回来，去卫生间，刚一开门灯就自己亮了，还一股寒气逼来!!! 就只见他妻子一巴掌打过来：你又tm给我尿冰箱里啊! 你俩搞基的? 两男是同桌，关系较好。某日a生病了b陪同一起出去，然后一起 回来。进校门的时候守门的大爷就亲切的问了句：你们搞基的啊? 两人当场石化，一阵寒风吹过 a小脸儿憋屈，说了句：大爷，我喜 欢的是女的. 这下轮到大爷憋屈了。石化三秒，b才反应过来，原来 大爷问的是：你们高几的啊! 非主流情侣 去楼下买个方便面，看到一对头发有8种颜色的非主流情侣吵架。 吵完了女的要走，你说你走就走嘛。手还把那个男的拉到。那个男 的一把拉回那个女的，说了一句让老子抽搐到现在的话不是说好要 一直当对方的天使么我真的....天晓得老子有多想把方便面给他们按 到脸上去。 开心一刻幽默笑话(二) 观音菩萨 小时候，院子里的小朋友最酷爱角色扮演，那时候流行新白娘子传奇。大家都抢着演白娘子，抢不到就演小青，再抢不到的就演许仙，再抢不到的就演法海。。。弱小的我每次都抢不到，只能演观音菩萨，于是院子里大人经常能看到我盘腿坐在高处，所有小孩跪在下 面拜我。。。。 贵的东西
又把媳妇惹毛了，道歉了也没用，她气呼呼地在家里转圈：哼!我要 去买个贵的东西! 我一听，有转机!花钱消灾呗!马上说：好啊!我陪你去买。 然后我们一起去了小商品市场买了个搓衣板回来。。。 报复 一姐们，手机被偷了! 咯咯那个气愤啊!她一生气跑到玩具店花10块 大洋买了五个玩具手机，再买了几根长长的手机绳，在街上逛了一 下午，五个模型全都被偷了，姐们这泄愤啊：草泥马，让你偷，让 你偷的心惊胆战，拿到兴奋，看到气愤。憋死你!!! 诺亚方舟 课堂上，听老师讲诺亚方舟的故事，讲到大洪水把地球上生物全淹 死了。阿呆问老师：你确定? 老师说：确定。 再问：那鱼呢? 老师：出去! 开门 跟女友吵架，求原谅，但是她连门都不开，怎么办? 到门前，按门铃，清嗓，三个字，门便开：有!快!递! 门豁然洞开。 棉花糖 街上，一个小孩吵着要买棉花糖，他妈指着他手里的小糖人说：刚 买的孙悟空还没吃呢，怎么那么不听话小孩不管，赖在原地继续吵 着要买棉花糖。他爸爸赶着回家，买了棉花糖塞他手里叫他快走。 小孩终于拿到了棉花糖，开心地对小糖人说：大圣爷你看，你的筋 斗云来了! 您可能感兴趣的文章： 10.
经典英语笑话故事大全
经典英语笑话故事大全 Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your Grace." The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, "Well?" So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my God!" A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short." A man went to see his Rabbi and said, "Rabbi, if I give up drinking, partying all night, chasing the opposite sex and start coming to Synagogue regularly instead, will I live longer?" "No," the Rabbi replied, "It will just feel longer."
英语笑话故事
英语笑话故事 He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interest ed in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?""Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there a re standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
每日一囧每日一笑话大全爆笑
1、一男人散步途中发现一女人倒在公园的草地上，状似中暑昏倒。男人果断采取急救——人工呼吸。 女人很快苏醒，却破口大骂道：“靠，刚才是谁趁我熟睡时给我喂了块臭豆腐。” 2、孙子吃泡泡糖时也给了奶奶一颗，奶奶左嚼右嚼，泡泡糖就是不烂。 奶奶想吐了，又觉得可惜，于是一咕噜把泡泡糖吞了下去，气愤地对孙子说：“以后再买这种不利消化的东西，看我不打死你。” 3、售货员：大爷，你想买点啥？ 大爷：天热啊，我想买台空调。 售货员：你老想要啥牌子的？ 大爷：啥牌子都无所谓，只要效果好。 售货员：“中央”空调怎样啊？ 大爷：那不行，我那房子本来就小，中央再放上一台空调，多挤啊。姑娘，有没有放边上的。 4、丈夫外出工作半年后回家，妻子从他的手机短信里发现了另一个女人的存在。 妻子把这件事告诉了自己最好的朋友。朋友愤愤地说：“你该好好管管他了，难道你不生气？” 妻子淡淡一笑说：“至少现在他在我身边，而那个女人只能靠手机和他联系。” 一个月之后，丈夫假期结束，回到原单位上班。
朋友对妻子说：“他回到了那个女人身边，难道你不担心?” 妻子说：“至少现在他的大部分工资还是归我管。而那个女人还得管他吃住，也许有时还得当他使唤的佣人。” 朋友说：“也有可能是他被使唤。” 妻子说：“管他的，又不是我被使唤。” 顿了顿，妻子接着说：“再想想我的那个情人把他所有工资都给了我，他的老婆才叫可怜呢。” 5、大青石爱上了屋檐水。 大青石看上了屋檐水的柔情似水；屋檐水看上了大青石的男子气概。两人很快结婚。 多年后，大青石向路人哭诉：婚姻真他妈伤人，你看我一堂堂硬汉，竟被伤透了心。[来自我要看笑话] 6、一只变色龙爬上树干觅食，搅扰了居住在树干上的蚂蚁。 蚂蚁找来邻居放屁虫和小鸟，想和他们商量赶走变色龙的办法。 蚂蚁说：“我们要团结一致把变色龙赶走。” 放屁虫不屑地说：“关我屁事。” 小鸟也懒洋洋地说：“关我鸟事。” 7、经典明星名 昨天梦见参加了一场奇幻派对，宴会上精品云集，有张白芝士蛋糕，白岩松果，谢霆蜂王浆，其中的拔丝赵本山药，上汤斯琴高娃娃菜，香酥温碧虾仁，清炖蒲巴甲鱼，尤其让人回味。宴会最后上的是霍思
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
最搞笑的英语小笑话十则 篇一：爆笑的经典英语小笑话 英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Timeismoney.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”小明上英文课时跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：mayIgotothetoilet? 老师说：goahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！ 英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：Iamhongtaoliu，外宾曰：我Tm 还是方片七呢！英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："missJiang,youareverybeautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："where?where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："everywhere,everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不
见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："Youarenotallowedtosee,youarenotallowedtosee." 英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「IAm后羿！」 b神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「IAm丘比特！」 轮到c了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...Am...soRRY...」 英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：Iamsorry.老外应道：Iamsorrytoo. 某人听后又道：Iamsorrythree. 老外不解，问：whatareyousorryfor? 某人无奈，道：Iamsorryfive. 英语笑话（六） 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，ToKoTA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：“oh，nIssAn！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，honDA！madeinJapan!Itisveryfast！”
经典祝福语录
经典祝福语录 导读：本文是关于语录大全的文章，如果觉得很不错，欢迎点评和分享！ 1、快乐从未走远，每天一个笑脸；幸福如此简单，只需一日三餐；生活从来不难，留下脚印一串；情意一成不变，问候总在身边：朋友，愿你好运永远相伴！ 2、有你的思念，身在天涯不觉远；有你的牵挂，春寒料峭不觉冷；有你的问候，相伴一人不孤单；有你的祝福，平谈岁月更温馨。；亲爱的朋友，有你真好！ 3、如果快乐，你就拍拍手；如果快乐，你就跺跺脚；如果快乐，你就伸伸腰；如果想我，你就给我打电话；小小短信，为你一笑，朋友要幸福哦！ 4、卸掉一周的疲惫，甩掉五天的困顿，带上清爽的心情，插上快乐的翅膀。周末在轻松的世界遨游，朋友愿新的一周精力充沛工作更舒心！ 5、眼内有尘三界窄，心头无事一床宽。宁静是美夏如春，安定最乐暑如寒，相逢一笑无恩仇，心灵常悟爱如天。祝君常念静心词，轻松度夏乐无边。 6、今天818，短信发一发，发发短信发发财，好运随后跟着来，发发祝福送朋友，生活事业总如愿，别人我都没想起，只在心里记着你。发财日快乐！
7、下雨天来到，请面带微笑，烦恼都冲跑，快乐身边绕，保持心情好，生活乐逍遥，短信送祝福，愿你天天开心，时时快乐，一生幸福。 8、对历史掩盖，会导致现实生态的恶化；对责任逃避，会导致冷漠心态的扩散；对朋友忽略……会导致下次见面你得请客！哈哈，周末快乐，别忘多联系哟！ 9、家常小菜暖暖胃，清新空气润润肺，暖暖阳光晒晒背，融融被窝睡一睡，高兴事儿开开心，拥抱生活亲一亲。周末又到快快乐，幸福生活伴你随。 10、秋冬季节注意养生：饮食结构要平衡，洗脚散步健脚板，预防感冒多保健，早睡早起好习惯，室内通风保新鲜，积极向上永乐观，祝你永远身康体健！ 11、面对失败和挫折一啼而过，是一种乐观自负；面对曲解和冤仇一笑而过，是一种坦然宽容；面对赞赏和鼓励一笑而过，是一种谦逊苏醒；面对懊恼和发愁一笑而过，是一种温和释然。 12、相距虽然有点路遥，思念却总跟着你奔跑，心与心相互拥抱，情与情握手欢笑，希望你一天更比一天好，开口常笑。新的一周祝你天天鸿运当头照，心情美好！ 13、感情世界道不清，失恋其实不可怕，你有用心和坚持，一切随缘才是真，难过之后要振作，何必单恋一枝花，美好爱人在后头，保持开心最重要。愿你走出悲伤和痛苦，爱神会眷顾乐观之人喔，加油！
10个经典英语笑话(带中文对照)
10个经典英语笑话(带中文对照).txt如果青春的时光在闲散中度过，那么回忆岁月将是一场凄凉的悲剧。杂草多的地方庄稼少，空话多的地方智慧少。即使路上没有花朵，我仍可以欣赏荒芜。Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的"护士问. "有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉."Wife:You to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk :It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.丈夫:那有什么据我调查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃饭的."Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine.""YoursCan you prove it""Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it.""请原谅,你占了我的位置.""你的位置你能征明这点吗""能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌."One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me"Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice"一天,夏娃问亚当:"你当真爱我吗"亚当无可奈何地回答:"我还有的选择吗"Always Thirsty"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me.""That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain""No, but I am always thirsty!"总感到口渴一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗”“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”A Useful WayFather: Jack, why do you drink so much waterJack: I have just had an apple, : What"s that got to do with itJack: I forgot to wash the apple.一个有效的方法爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。A PresentKate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthdayMom: No, Honey, whatKate: A nice : But I"ve got a nice : No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.凯特的礼物凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。The Doctor Knows BetterA man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill.""I am afraid that he is dead." said the this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive.""Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"医生懂得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”Waste or SaveFather: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don"t you know you are wasting timeJack: Yes, Dad. But I"ve saved you a meal, haven" I 浪费还是节约父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是Why Is He HowlingDentist: Please stop howling. I haven"t even touched your tooth : I know, but you are standing on my foot!他为什么喊牙医：请你不要再喊了！我还没碰你的牙呢。病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀！
小学生英语笑话故事(三篇)
小学生英语笑话故事（三篇） 【导语】英语故事会出现学生认识或是不认识的单词，而这个单词的重复不断出现，会加深同学们对单词的记忆，这种记忆不同于一般的死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住单词，并且不枯燥。 小学生英语笑话故事篇一 Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, dont they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "Were still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机 约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机,他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以,有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时,约翰逊先生非常担心,不敢接受。不过,由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的,约翰逊先生终于被说服了,登上了飞机。 他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落,所以他吓得紧闭双眼。 过了一两分钟,他睁开双眼朝窗外望去,接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人,他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小,是不是?” “那些就是蚂蚁,”他的朋友答道,“我们还在地面上。” 小学生英语笑话故事篇二 It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?” 圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？” “I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner. “我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。